My First Time
Female • 19 years old • Salt Lake City
In college, I broke up with not one but two boyfriends by saying I was gay. (I believed it both times, interestingly; now I understand bisexuality.) After the first one, I went home to Utah for the summer and started hanging out with one of my high-school exes again. He was The Boy, the one you always wistfully reminisced about when you were dating someone else, thinking, Why did I break up with that kid?
It became abundantly clear that we still had feelings for each other. One day we were hanging out in his room (in his parents' house — he was seventeen at the time) and I told him that I really cared about him, but that there were certain things I would never be able to do for him. I was still in my confused am-I-a-lesbian-and-if-I-am-
Illustration by Thomas Pitilli |
I practically threw off my clothes. I had been angling for this the entire summer, without feeling like I could say anything. For one thing, I was convinced I was gay; for another, one time in high school The Boy had cried when we made out because he felt he was disrespecting me, and then had tried to get me to go to church with him.
He turned on some Reel Big Fish, which I quickly vetoed ("Rule #1 of sex is no ska"). Then, after tentatively making out for a few minutes, he fumblingly got inside me, nervously asking, "Are you okay? Does it hurt?" Though a virgin, I was no stranger to pleasingly large objects being inside of me, and as he pushed the last of the way in, I let out a pleased moan. He immediately pulled out.
"I think you need to learn what sounds mean," I said, trying to pull him back onto me.
"It's just... well... I can't, you know, last very long, and, well.." Virginal and theoretically gay as I was, and Mormon as he was, neither of us had had a condom.
"Oh. Well."
We lay there silently for a minute, half-cuddling. Then:
"So... you still gay?"
I let out a shout of laughter and an "um, yeah." Had approximately thirty seconds of sex changed my mind? Hell no. I wouldn't openly be into guys again until three partners later. The next time we hung out, he told me he didn't want to hook up anymore. Somehow I didn't understand that I had done something horribly, horribly wrong and completely smashed his self-image, and spent the rest of the summer being furious with him.
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Commentarium (9 Comments)
This story is all the more interesting because I grew up in Utah too, unfortunately this situation rarely happens with a Mormon girl and a non Mormon guy.
Normally, ladies use the lesbian excuse as a way to, you know, not have sex with guys.
It's just... well... I can't, you know, last very long, and, well.." Virginal and theoretically gay as I was, and Mormon as he was, neither of us had had a condom. -What a great line. lol
"He was The Boy, the one you always wistfully reminisced about when you were dating someone else, thinking, Why did I break up with that kid?" So you are that sort of person that is stuck in time and can't let go while holding others in a mental competition to something that is not real.
"Somehow I didn't understand that I had done something horribly, horribly wrong and completely smashed his self-image, and spent the rest of the summer being furious with him." That just builds the rest of the image. And it ain't a good one is it. Coming to this site, this being the first "article" one reads sets the expectation level really low. So have a good life and hope things get better for you. Maturity may one day kick in. Who knows. Just stop trying to write in general. Really.
LOL @FST... she's writing about her life at 19 years old. Who is mature at 19 years old? I sure as hell wasn't.
@LPC: well let me tell you that sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not. you actually can't tell.
I'm pretty sure that if this guy was actually a Mormon, then he wouldn't be having sex with her full stop. That is all I have to say.
I attend a small Bible College. You know the type, where you only had sex after marriage and that is to procreate. My roommate was a P.K. and would go around the room nude beating off in front of me. He would cum in his hand and eat it right in froent of me. I was told to try it.
I had masturbated once when I was 12 and mom caught me. He made me stay naked all day, while my sister and her friends would come and see. Mom placed me over her lap and beat me with her wooden spoon. She was driving the devil out of me before I burned in Hell.
At 17 I decided Mom had to be wrong, because my roomie war a Preacher's son. At his urging I tried it and loved it. He then showed me what was even better. He took my dick and sucked it off, swallowing all of my cum. I never again had another wet dream. I also found that I loved the taste of his cum and piss.
Uhm, complicated story. I don't think i understand it completely (meaning the main story, not meaning any of the readers' comments).
Now you say something