Love & Sex

Storytime with…A Love Spell Witch

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"I’m actually babysitting a succubus for one of my favorite clients right now."

photography by KT Watson

You can pay people for everything from walking your dog to cleaning your colon but can you outsource the hard work of personal relationships? Online spell caster Sister Celeste and her sisters in the Roge Magick Coven cast love and sex spells to help you succeed in love and in bed. Want a succubus spirit that will have sex with you while you sleep? Longing to be written into a song or painted into a painting? Desperate to connect with your partner on a deeper level? There’s a spell for that. However, the coven does draw the line at turning your penis into a light saber. Yes, they’ve been asked.

What do you like about spellcasting?
Sister Celeste: I like that I don’t know what my days will hold. I don’t know if a client is going to ask me about a crazy sexual encounter she had with a demon, how to transform into another species or whether or not to leave his spouse. It’s consistently crazy. 

Can a spell make someone fall in love?
Yes, but it doesn’t work as well if you aren’t an active participant in the process. If you just sit on your butt and think, "I bought this, so now I’m going to get the girl of my dreams." No. You still have to get out there and talk to her. If you are trying to find your soulmate and are drawn to a particular bookstore one day, take a moment to stop. Your dream girl may be waiting inside. I have seen many a miracle with spells. I have also seen people that sit in their basement eating Cheetos and expecting success after purchasing a spell. It’s hard to find your path to love if you lock yourself away from the world. 

Who buys love spells?
The most common buyers are men with crushes or infatuations. Lots of my clients just don’t have the courage to approach the person they are attracted to. 

What? I would have guessed that men never buy love spells.
Almost all of my clients are men.

I’m really surprised by that.
I was listening to a TED talk the other day and the speaker was talking about millennial men. He said that they don’t know how to talk to women anymore. He discussed video game reality, isolation, texting and social media; about how we go without physical or emotional contact. Even though guys still want girlfriends and crave sex, they don’t want to make the effort, it’s too uncomfortable. So they go long stretches without sex.

It’s easier to stay home and play video games featuring sexy women then to go out and pursue a real relationship. They don’t understand the concept of closing their computer, going out to a bar, approaching a woman and buying her a drink—but they do understand the concept of going online and buying something to solve their problems.

It’s like outsourcing love and effort.
Yeah, and many of them have confidence issues. They say, "I don’t know if she likes me so I need some reassurance before I do something." People also just want too much, too soon without having to work for it. Sometimes they have rejection issues and this is a safer way to put their heart on the line. They won’t have to face it if a girl rejects them, they can just say, "the spell didn’t work."

What is the price range for spells?
They range from $80 to $325. The least expensive is the MUSE love spell to attract an artist and be written into his poetry and painted and this sort of thing. There is a love letter spell with a magic seal that will bring ultimate love into your life. Those two appeal mainly to women.

And what do men buy?
Men tend to buy the more expensive—and work intensive—entanglement spell. In this one, we go in on an astral level and attach you with metaphysical cords to your lover. We invite both of your spirits into a sacred space and bind you together with cords of energy so you become more connected. 

How do the spells work?
The spell buyer provides the name and birthdate of the people to be joined together. They may send other items that remind them of their beloved too. It could be a song, a book or some photos. That helps me get a feel for the two of them together. The actual physical and metaphysical steps of each spell are different. With the love letter spell, for example, we cast the spell using chants, blessed gold leaf and dried flowers which we seal with sacred wax and send to them.

Have there been any recurrent songs that lovelorn people choose as part of their spells?
Pop songs. Rihanna is popular for these spells for some reason. 

Let’s talk about sex spells.
Probably the most common sexual request is to buy succubi and incubi (female and male sex demons). These spirits come to you while you are sleeping and have sex with you. We don’t do many of those because they can be dangerous and the spirits live off of your life-force. I’m actually babysitting a succubus for one of my favorite clients right now.

What? Why?
He had it at his house and it had been bothering his dog. I am holding it in the astral plane until he is ready to have it back.

Why do people buy succubi?
Mainly to deal with sexual urges. Sometimes their partner is away on business a lot, or maybe ill and they don’t want to cheat, but they need sexual relief. Maybe they have an STD and they don’t want to pass it on to a live partner.

What is sex with a succubus like?
Some people swear by it. They say it’s the same as real sex. Succubi come to you in your sleep and change form often, so they appeal to people looking for variety in their sex life. They can appear different every time you encounter them: be a sexy scaled sea creature one time and an angel the next. They can also take the form of your crush or lover.

Couldn’t these encounters just be wet dreams?
The mind can play a lot of tricks on you. Some say it is like a dream but it feels much more like all the sensations of having sex. 

Tell me about an extreme sexual cases you’ve dealt with?
We do get some raunchy and weird requests. There was one very pushy client that wanted his penis turned into a light saber that would light up when he was turned on. He wanted to be able to control it like a saber but it would still be attached to him like a sex organ. 

Hmm…In your opinion, who would win in a fight: a light saber penis or a vagina dentata [folk myth about a vagina with teeth in it]?
I’m not sure, I have to think about it.

Are there spells you won’t cast or things you don’t deal with?
We didn’t do this penis spell, we don’t deal with time travel, and we won’t cross a gypsy. 

Why won’t you cross a Gypsy?
Cause they are dangerous.

What else?
We had a client who had a very beautiful girlfriend and he was tired of her getting hit on all the time. He wanted a spell that would keep her beautiful to him but make her ugly to all other men. He asked for us to place an “aura of repulsion” on her. We wouldn’t do that.

Do people doubt that you and the sisters are for real?
We get some crazy questions and spellcasters are sometimes stalked. I’ve given out my phone number to talk over extreme cases, but I often have to change it later when the client abuses it. People want to meet you and will claim to have a sexual connection to you.

So, you guys are like rockstars?
We can be. 

Has anyone every fallen in love with you?
Umm, no, but I try to imply that I’m very old. Old and ugly and that keeps them at bay and keeps up the professional boundary. [Note: She’s exactly the opposite.]

How do you know if spellcasters aren’t for real? 
Roge Magick are members of a metaphysical ethics community. We don’t make outlandish claims, we respect spirits. Our spells say things along the lines of “connect more deeply with the person of your dreams” or “invite wealth into your life.” There are spellcasters that have great followings and do make wild claims about results. Check their feedback ratings and see if they get repeat customers. 

When I was in school, I had a crush on one of my guy friends. I read about a love spell that required me acquiring a piece of his dirty clothing. So, I took a sweatsock from his laundry. I had to put some rose petals and other stuff inside of it, do a chant and keep it under my bed for a month. I did all of that but he didn't fall in love with me. Why not?
I can see two places where your sock spell may have gone a bit awry. Love spells should always be cast by a neutral party. When you really want something, your bias can skew the casting results. Think about it like this: Would you rather be approached by someone who confidently asks you for a date, or someone who begs, pleads, sobs and grovels at your feet for a date? The Universe is the same way, it likes you to confidently state what you want, but it doesn’t like a whiner. That is why it is helpful to have someone that understands what you want, and has no emotional stress or bias that chases away the results. Also: the reason that you were likely requested to get clothing that belonged to the boy was because objects that surround us are highly susceptible to picking up energies. They absorb what is around us. Some materials are more absorbent than others, like silver, gold or crystals. 

Sweatsocks are also very absorbent?
Not that kind of absorbent. If you think about your own socks, it’s likely you don’t remember each one or cherish any of them. Chances are if you lost a sock, you wouldn’t even notice.  The sock probably didn’t mean much to the boy you had a crush on, therefore couldn’t harness enough of his energy to unite you as a couple.