Talking to Strangers: Montreal, QC

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Holly, 31

Where are you from?
I'm from Montreal.

What do you for a living?
I am a freelance performer — actor, singer, dancer, writer, producer.

Do any of those jobs get you laid?
I guess sometimes I get laid. I don't think it has anything to do with my job, but... oh, no, maybe it does. Yeah. Actors like to bang other actors, musicians like to bang other musicians, actors like to bang musicians and musicians like to bang actors, so, yes. Never mind. Yes, it does get me laid.

How do you impress a potential hookup?
I try to make myself as awkward as I possibly can in order to see if they'll be easily deterred, and if they get past those many levels of awkwardness, then I loosen up. Once I loosen up, then we can have a real conversation.

I think that's sensible, because sex can be very awkward sometimes, and you want someone who's going to be able to roll with the punches.
Pretty much, yes. I'm trying to think of the most awkward sexual experience I've ever had. Yeah. I don't even know if I can talk about it — it was terrible. There was some toothy oral sex involved. And a friend, in a bed right beside us, a snoring friend — yes! Oh my God, I blocked it out until now, it was so terrible.

It's a real shame that there are some guys out there who take the same approach to oral sex as they do to eating steak.
Oh, God almighty. I am a vegetarian, so I really don't appreciate anything being eaten like steak. At all.

Do you have any favorite hookup stories?
There was one recently, actually, and it was with a woman — which is a rare occurrence, because for the last while, it's been mainly men. It was a whirlwind weekend of symbiotic conversation and some illicit substance smokage, listening to music and having a wonderful time, and it was a perfect fit for that moment, in my mind, because I had been pretty down on having sex with anyone. I had been far away from myself, and it reminded me of the enjoyment that you can derive from someone else's body, and someone appreciating your body.

What are you most proud of about your sexuality?
Well, being a burlesque dancer, I exhibit my body in all its glory for many, many people to look upon and judge. I have jiggly bits of very womanly flesh, I'm very pale and curvaceous, and I'm not shy about it, and I'm not ashamed of it. I've had a lot of hardship when it comes to my sexuality, over the years. A lot of pain surrounding sex, and a lot of confusion surrounding sexual issues. And I'm very proud of myself for how I've taken my sexuality in my own hands and taken control, and become more of a woman because of it.

Any dating dealbreakers?
I'm pretty hell-bent on no smoking. No smoking cigarettes. If you don't want to go down on me, you're just not going to get with me. If you can't deal with the fact that some women squirt, you're not going to be able to deal with me. If you don't bathe, and you have bad oral hygiene, that's generally a deterrent — but it's not a complete dealbreaker, because I can't count the amount of times I've... kind of... eh... it's pretty superficial stuff. Don't be a misogynist fuckface, basically.

I think that's a reasonable request.
You know, I don't ask for much.

 

Kevin, 32

What do you do in life?
I'm a university student. I study psychology, but tree-planting is my career, sort of, technically. I plant trees for a living.

Tell me about tree-planting and how it pertains to sex.
The goal of tree-planting is to make a lot of money and have sex with a lot of people. Talking about tree-planting has gotten me laid, with tree-planters. Just being at tree-planting, and drinking with other tree-planters, has gotten me laid. Simply through sheer geographic isolation, being a tree-planter has gotten me laid.

Can you make a sweeping generalization about tree-planters?
Slightly out of control, money-hungry, a little too drunk, greedy, horny, masochistic.

Are you single right now?
No.

Tell me about your girlfriend.
My girlfriend is very awesome, and she treats me very, very well. We met online. She's a professional graphic artist, which blends well with my artistic interests. She's very caring, very attentive, very loving, very fair, very understanding, and takes very good care of me.

Tell me about your craziest ex.
The craziest? I think most of my crazy exes were, like, regular crazy. So, you know, normal crazy. Jealous and controlling can be part of it. Grandiose, delusional... I'm running through the list. There haven't been a lot of crazy girls, but I had one slightly crazy girl at tree-plant drag my drunken ass back to my tent, and she had her way with me. Then she was really awkward with me the day after.

How is your current girlfriend different from the crazy women in your past?
She knows she's crazy. And I can tell her she's being crazy. Her craziness is very similar to my craziness, so there's some simpatico, some understanding.

How long have you been living together?
Eight months. I think at three months we moved in together. Very fast. I was ready to move out of the place I had with my roommate, and at thirty-two years of age, with a few experiences behind me, you just kind of know that it's safe, and it fits. And if you're wrong, it's not going to be a life-shattering mistake.

The sex must have been pretty good from the start if you moved in together that quickly.
The sex got off to a bit of a rocky start, mostly due to me and my performance anxiety, which very quickly melted away. It's quite the opposite now. So yes, very quickly the sex was very, very awesome. Very mind-blowing.

How do you maintain a happy long-term relationship?
The same old basic cornerstones: honesty, trust, caring, and the small stuff that gets you through the day. That's usually what breaks people apart. Quickly owning up to stuff, quickly asking if something is wrong, not letting things simmer. Dealing with everything immediately. Telling the other person if you feel bad or if there's something that has to be dealt with. Doing nice things for each other — even just listening and paying attention. Cleaning up the kitchen. Putting the toilet seat down. Turning off the lights, locking the back door. Also, paying attention to when she's graciously putting up with something annoying that you know you do, and remembering it the next time you find yourself in the same position on the other side.

 

Seska, 39

What do you do for a living?
I'm a web designer-slash-porn performer-slash-student.

What was one of your most memorable shoots?
One time I got together with a bunch of my swinger friends, and it was lovely, lovely, joyful sex. It was sort of planned — it was like, "Hey, yeah, we're all gonna do this at four p.m.," and it was fantastic. A good five girls, and I think three guys, and we just had this great orgy, right by the pool, in Kansas City.

Can you make a sweeping generalization about people in the porn industry?
Hard workers. We work hard.

Do you date men, women, or both?
At this present time, I'm dating men. I'm open to dating women, though.

What do you find attractive in a person?
Competence. If you're really awesome at something, that's so attractive to me.

Do you have a favourite hookup story?
Oh, yes. Todd from Australia. He was delightful. It was on Halloween, and I was trying to promote a show. I had just done this little bar gig, and I was handing out flyers. I started talking to this guy, and he's dressed as a "rugby zombie." Very cute and lovely, but he has full makeup on, and under that, he could be downright ugly. He says he's going to this other venue, we exchange numbers, but I know I'm not going to hear from him again. And then all of a sudden, he was like, "Hey, are you coming?" I was like, "I'm going to go for it." I went for it, and we had the most amazing weekend. We're still friends to this day, and he occasionally comes to Canada, and I always try to figure out a way to see him. Todd from Australia, this is for you.

Has anyone ever offended you in the bedroom?
Many, many times. Part of it is me not speaking up enough, but usually it's people who don't listen to my cues, both implicit and explicit. That's offensive. You do a little bit of a moan to let someone know, "This is good." If you don't do the moan — what they're doing isn't great. That's implicit. Explicit is, "Hey, go to the left!" And they go to the right.

What is the most unusual place you've had sex?
One liaison that I had very early on, which was at someone's cottage. We ran into the woods, because we had to hide from his family. It was against a rock wall, and you know, I've never done that again. I was nineteen or twenty.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Eighteen. I was a late bloomer. I was open to sex at a young age, but I was a nerdy girl, and everyone wanted the popular girl. The boys I liked didn't like me, but you know what? It was all for the best.

When did you figure out that you were attracted to women?
That was very early on. It was all about the movie Young Doctors in Love, with Dabney Coleman. He had this lovely scene with this girl bouncing on his lap, topless, and I kept rewinding the scene over and over when I was about twelve or thirteen. The girl was bouncing, and she was topless, and I just kept watching her boobs. So I kind of realized that I liked girls, but I didn't know it was possible to like girls and boys at the same time. I decided I must just like guys, and I must be messed up for finding girls attractive. Then I discovered bisexuality when I was around nineteen.

What are you most proud of about your sexuality?
My openness to change. I'm good at listening to my body as I've aged — because I'm now nearly forty — and I've been able to honor those changes. I'm really proud of that.

At this time in your life, are you looking for sex or love?
I'm recently out of a divorce, so there's part of me that's looking for each. Really, I'm looking for both. If love came my way, I probably wouldn't know it. If sex came my way, I probably wouldn't even know that. I'm a confused, confused girl.

How do you impress someone you might be interested in?
I fail miserably. I try and be... hmm. I've gotten so few dates recently. I'm so new to dating. I have only gone on one "official"  date, and I had no idea how to impress this gentleman. Let's be honest. I have no idea how to impress.