Talking to Strangers: New York

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

By Grace Bello
 

Amy, 32

What do you do?
I'm in sales.

Does that get you a lot of dates?
No, not at all. I don't really socialize with my co-workers because, for the most part, they're older, so we don't go out together.

So where do you meet dates?
At bars!

Do you have any dating stories you want to share?
A really bad one was the first time I ever went on a date with someone I met online. I think it was, like, MySpace or something. It was a really great photo, and he was trendy and cool-looking. It must have been old because he had blond frosted tips. I don't know why I was into that. But when I saw him, he was ten years older. It was not okay — not like the photo. It was horrible. We just didn't get along. That was the end of that.

What's your relationship status now?
Married. It'll be a year next week.

How did you end up meeting your husband?
Through my college roommates. He was my college friend's new roommate. And I used to hang out at their apartment all the time.

So how long did you know each other before you got married?
Four years. [Her friend: "Didn't you go on Blind Date?"] I went on Change of Heart.

Oh, that's a reality show?
That was a bad date! That was a really bad one!

What happened?
I went on a date — they ask you the profile of the guy you want to date. I'm like, "Italian, athletic..." He was Italian. I guess he was athletic — I mean, he wasn't overweight, you know? But he was just so dorky! It was so strange. It was so awkward, because the camera was on you and everything. My friend, however, had a date on Change of Heart with a Hooters girl. He made out fairly well, I guess. [laughs] I was very bitter about it.

 

 

Rico, 32

What do you do?
It's more like, "What don't I do?" I was bartending. I had an art show in Park Slope last week, some fashion sculptures that I did. I also do art modeling, and I cut hair, and I sell vintage clothes. I'm in a dance troupe. Just a bunch of different stuff.

What gets you the most dates?
I guess the most dates come from bartending.

So what kind of women are you looking for?
Dating-wise, pretty faces are my weakness, I guess. But then personal style and confidence and awareness, I guess. And being sweet, genuine. I don't like phony people.

Have you had any dating experience with someone like that?
Oh yeah. Tons! It wasn't real.

Do you have any crazy exes?
Yeah, I do. I dated this girl a year ago, and she was really sweet, but she was really flirtatious with everybody when we would go out. So I would tell her, "Look, it's cool. We don't have to be serious, you know? We can still date other people." She'd be like, "No, I don't want to date other people. I've been waiting for you my whole life, and you're the only one I want to date!"

She was hooking up with other people?
No, she was just really flirtatious with everybody, and she would ignore me when we would go out. I'd be like, "This isn't really a relationship to me." But then we'd be together, and she would be all about me. It was just really awkward. She drove me nuts. And then so one time — she knows a lot about different stuff, which is really cool — I was working on some carpentry art at my friend's motorcycle shop. She was going to come help me. So she met me over there and my friend had this big sewing machine, and he didn't know anything about sewing. She was like, "Well, I'll help you out with it." Instead of helping me, she helped my friend out. I was like, "Well, that's cool, but I could really use your help." But she was ignoring me, and being all flirtatious with him. He's a model. Eventually he said something to her like, "Oh, I thought you weren't wearing underwear. I see you are." And she was like, "No, I'm not." And she pulled her shorts open to show him. And this girl wants to be my girlfriend?

It sounds like she wanted attention from anywhere.
Yeah. Maybe. But I think she did genuinely want to be my girlfriend, which was like... it didn't compute.

What do you think of the dating scene in New York?
Honestly, I've never been in an even relationship. Either the other person likes me more than I like them or vice-versa. I don't know; I feel kind of cursed in that way. When I was a kid, when I was in junior high, if a girl liked me and I thought that we weren't going to get married, I wouldn't really pursue anything. For years, I was like that. And then I realized how many great relationships I probably missed out on because of that mentality. So I kind of changed it, but I still haven't been in an even relationship ever. But, it's really nice in New York; I think the girls are, like, five to one to the guys.

I think so too.
And the women are just really incredible in New York. Most of them are thin because you have to walk everywhere. And besides that, they have really cool ideas and style and interests. And there are so many people in New York. It's like the whole universe in one city.

 

 

Scott, 21

What do you do?
I study fine art.

Do you get a lot of dates through that?
I have a steady boyfriend of a year and a half.

So how's that going?
Really well. He's really intelligent, and I like that a lot. That's what I look for in a guy, definitely. That rapport is very important.

Is this your first serious relationship?
Yes! I've never had a boyfriend before him. I had a five-year "something." You know, gayness is very odd in small-town America. I had something a while ago, but we were never official. It was on and off. This is the first real relationship I've ever had. We really, really care about each other. It's wonderful.

Where are you from?
Upstate New York. It's very conservative there. It's a different way of life — it's a lot slower, and gayness means something very different in a slower community. I don't know. There aren't many out, gay men in a small community in upstate New York. That's why I came to the city. Although actually, I found my boyfriend upstate. He went to school there.

So you met there, and you moved here?
And then I came to study here, yeah.

When you were dating, what was your dating experience like?
I'm twenty-one, so it was more high-school-related. There wasn't an out, gay community. The people who were out were very promiscuous and kind of shallow, to be honest. I was never really into that scene: "You're gay and I'm gay, so now we have to hook up." That's how it works. And I was never really into that. I'm much more of a relationship guy.

What do you like about the gay scene here?
In New York? I've never actually been a part of it because I've had a boyfriend since I moved here, but I think gay bars are fun. 

That guy that you had an on and off thing with — what was that like?
We were both in a town that was kind of repressed, and what that does to someone at a very young age is kind of interesting. Because we were close but never as friends — only as hookups. So it was a weird situation. And he was very repressed and didn't want to admit that he was gay — that was the biggest thing. He didn't want to come out of the closet because to him that meant social ruin in some way.

Interesting. So do you feel like you were ever closeted?
I didn't really hide it from people. If they asked, I would say something. It was pretty much common knowledge because I was never straight by any means. I never really hung out with the jocks. I was an art nerd from a very young age. That was my thing. I just didn't really care.