Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

by Elyssa Goodman

Leslie, 40

Are you from New York originally?
No, I'm a native Texan, actually.

How did you find the experience of dating in New York compared to Texas?
I actually didn't start dating women until I moved here. So it was sort of a process for me, until I felt comfortable with myself and confiding in other people and meeting other women as friends who could sort of guide me. It wasn't easy. This [Cubbyhole, a gay bar in the West Village] was actually one of the first places I came to and I really love this place a lot now. Every time I come here I think about the first time I came here and I was petrified, but it actually is a really lovely place. It's very friendly and nobody ever needs to be scared to come here and meet people — gay, straight, or whatever. It's just a really friendly group.

What's experience of dating men like as opposed to dating women?
Well, I haven't dated men in probably almost twenty years. It's a very different experience. I think, gay or straight, men and women are completely different creatures. We're the same species, but we operate differently. So being with a woman is sort of like dating yourself in a sense. For me, it's what I like.

What's the best date you've ever been on?
It was very simple. We met online. We both hesitated to meet. We just met for appetizers and drinks, and neither one of us really drank because we were afraid to blow it. But we just had the best time, even without alcohol, which is very surprising. It didn't end up lasting, but it kind of gave me some hope for the online-dating thing.

What happened to her?
We found out that we didn't really have that much in common. It was probably more of a physical thing. But we're still in touch and friends. So as far as an actual date, it was a very positive experience.

What about the worst date you've ever been on?
It was actually set up through a friend. We met on a Sunday for brunch and she was almost forty-five minutes late, and no calls, no texts. I'd almost decided to leave, and she just showed up and never cracked a smile and wouldn't even look me in the eye. The place that we went to happened to be really horrible, too. So overall, it was probably the worst date I ever had. But after that I went and saw a really funny movie to cheer myself up.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
I do. I haven't experienced that yet, but I feel like in my gut that's probably more my style and the way it might hopefully happen for me soon. I think at this point in life, you just know through experience what things and why things don't work. For me, there has to be an immediate physical attraction, and that determines any further interest in a possible relationship.

Phil, 26

What do you do, Phil?
I'm a piano player.

Does that get you any interesting dates?
I've been in a relationship for two plus years.

How did you meet your girlfriend?
In college, at a bar. One of those wonderful things that just happens. I knew of her and we just met through friends and then we met afterward. In college it just kind of happens.

How do you keep it interesting?
I don't know, we're both just really fuckin' hot. She's like this super fuckin' sex bomb. I think one of the important things is, a lot of people who like to go out and be drunk and get down and have a good time, when they get in a relationship, they stop. But we both work nights — I'm a piano player, she's a bartender — so we're always at it. It in no way inhibits our lifestyle. We consistently do what we want to do, and it makes us really sexy young people. Right on.

Do you guys live together?
Yes, we do. Living together's great. We live in a studio apartment. The only reason I sometimes want to have another bedroom is because I get up earlier sometimes and I feel bad about waking her up. But other than that, it's fine. I love it. I love living together. It's great. I really have had no real problems at all.

What's the best date you've ever been on?
Valentine's Day last year, me and my girlfriend took some mushrooms and went to the Prospect Park Zoo and watched the sea lions play, and it was fuckin' awesome. But when you're coming down from mushrooms, you think you're all right, and you're like, man, that shit wasn't that strong at all! We're fine! And then all of a sudden you get on the subway and people are asking you for money and you're like, oh my God. Anyway, we got on the train, and we're like, "What train are we on?" We're on the D train, we're just coming from the zoo, okay. And I look at the map and I see "Rockefeller Center," and I'm like, let's go to the top of Rockefeller Center! So we did. And she had never been to the top of a tall building before, so this was a big deal. It's less like going onto an airplane than it is like going onto a spaceship. I think that was the best date I've ever been on.

Jackie, 43

What do you do?
I'm a bartender.

Has that ever gotten you an interesting date?
Yeah, I got my baby-daddy [laughs]. I got two kids via a bar. Yep, absolutely. I was working at a karaoke bar on 2nd Avenue, and he was a friend of the owner. The owner was Irish and his friend had just arrived from Dublin, and we met at the bar.

And then what happened?
It took me six months to track him down. He's an electrician and he was living out in Queens, and I was living in Manhattan. Every time he would come out I would just get so excited. I had a couple of lame attempts to try to get to bed with him, you know — I pretended I didn't know how to put my air conditioner in the window. And he came and did that for me. But finally, I called him and he came into the city from Queens. We had a few beers, and I lived upstairs from the bar, so we just kind of went home. And he never left.

How long have you been together now?
Nine years. We've got two kids.

How do you keep it interesting?
Actually, right now, we don't. We went on vacation to St. Lucia about six years ago. We had a good time, but it wasn't the same without our daughter, so we came back and we swore we would never, ever go on vacation again without our child. I am engaged, and I have been for a while, but with him working and me working, we just haven't had time to get married. I know it sounds crazy — it's like putting the cart before the horse, because we had the kids first. But now that my daughter's seven — she's in second grade — it's something I want to do, because the kids think my last name's the same as theirs, and it ain't.

What do you love about your significant other now?
I love the father that he is. He's a wonderful dad. And that means the world to me. The fact that he loves his children and he respects our life, that's huge. Don't get me wrong, he ain't perfect. We fight all the time, but I love that he loves his family.