Alton, 32
What do you do for work?
Well, I've got a couple of jobs. I work at Whole Foods. And I just started doing some substitute teaching as well.
Do any of these jobs get you laid?
Well, Whole Foods is a very social place. I went out with a girl from there, and, um, it turned into quite an ordeal. She was a very passionate, outspoken woman, and I've always been attracted to that. But she had me help her rent a car. She was going to visit her mom down south — that was the story — and she said she would be back on my birthday. Two days later she called me and said she wasn't coming back, because she was going to check herself into a mental facility in L.A. Then I found out she wasn't in L.A. — she was actually in Texas. Well, I made sure the car got returned. Then I was super-mad, because I've had to deal with people who've had mental illnesses before, and it's frustrating. Then a week later she was engaged to an abusive ex-boyfriend in Texas, but then she called me and told she wanted to come back to my house. She said she'd already booked a flight.
That's not good.
Yeah, you can run over me five times, but not six times. Well, then I met another girl in the parking lot of Whole Foods who works at the café inside, and I just felt compelled to tell her everything about the situation. She gave me great advice, and now I'm involved with her.
Is she your girlfriend or just someone you're sort of dating?
That's a real slippery slope because she's very passionate and wild and into some extreme sexual stuff that I'm just learning about. She's currently taking up a job as a dominatrix because she needs extra money. I mean, she doesn't act that way with me, and she's not getting fucked. I'm open-minded. I'm not going to freak out. It was first a way to get over that other girl, and it's been largely physical, but now there are emotions there.
How long have you guys been dating?
About three months, which is typically when things go bad.
What's your longest relationship?
Three years.
Where's the coolest place you ever had sex?
Against a chimney on a rooftop in San Luis Obispo. It was a party and we had nowhere else to go. We weren't hiding from the sky, but we were hiding from below.
Weren't you nervous you were going to fall?
Well, alcohol always helps with Hooksexups. Unless you drink too much to perform — I've done that a couple of times, and that is the worst. I mean, you're telling someone you're super into them, and you can't show it. That was actually the first experience I had with this girl I'm dating now. We came here and Dave poured us some crazy shots. But luckily, we had another encounter and now she knows it works all the time.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
There's no way I can believe in that one-hundred percent, but there's a large percentage of me that can. There are too many variables in life that aren't one-hundred percent. No one is that clairvoyant. But I appreciate the passion.
Mark, 31
What do you do?
I work at Whole Foods with Alton over there.
Does that get you laid?
It did one time. I met this really flaky girl who was staring at me outside. I tapped her on the shoulder and gave her my number. We went out one time and had sex. And then after that we just had a mutual no-calling thing.
Where are you from?
I'm from Boston. I've been here for about a year. I moved here for a girl who turned out to be an absolute piece of shit. She gave me six months and called it a wrap. She wouldn't wait for me to do anything I needed to do. I had a job but she just was over it.
Besides that one girl, how have your dating experiences been in Oakland?
Pretty unfulfilling. I need to go out more probably.
What's your best hookup story?
I was twenty-one or twenty-two, and I was driving home in my car with my girlfriend. Her best friend was in the backseat and her best friend's boyfriend's younger sister was in the backseat, and I had been wondering if her best friend wanted to hook up as well. Her boyfriend was having surgery and was going to be away. So we were planning it, and I said instead of planning it, why don't we just do it now? So we pulled over and galloped into the woods, and then the best friend says to the boyfriend's sister, "I've always thought you were hot. You should be involved in this too." So, it was three chicks and me. It was wild. There were a lot of noises from these woods, and so a cop kind of showed up.
Kind of showed up?
Absolutely showed up. Flashed his light on us. There was this fence behind us so we jumped it, butt-naked, and kept going on the other side.
How do you get the ladies?
They stare, and they get numbered.
That's a verb now? They get your number?
Yeah, I did it today actually. I am by no means a scumbag.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yeah, there's just a certain feeling that overcomes your body. I had this friend in Boston who used to live upstairs from a chick, and when he introduced me to her, I was blown away. And I'm pretty sure it was the same way with her. But it took us five years to get together.
Michelle [left], 29, and Brittany [right], 27
What do you do for work?
M: I teach online college, and I'm a student at Mills College.
B: I'm also a student at Mills and I have an assistantship there.
Does being a teacher ever get you any dates?
M: No, I teach at a Christian school so it would probably be inappropriate.
B: It has in the past, but I've been in a serious monogamous relationship for the past eight months. We were set up on a blind date. My roommate was an intern where he works, and she insisted that I meet him. I ignored her for a long time.
How'd did that first date go?
B: It went well. We initially tried to go get coffee to be good citizens on the first date, but the coffee shop was closed. So we went and got a drink. And then we went on a little walk. It was very innocent and PG. I got a hug at the end of the night. [laughs]
Michelle, are you in a relationship?
M: Nope.
When was the last time you were in a relationship?
M: It was actually with her! [laughs]
B: It was when we first met at Mills. About a year ago.
M: We dated for a short period of time and... yeah.
B: We're best friends now.
So would you identify as gay, bisexual, straight?
B: I would intellectually and emotionally align myself with "queer." But I've also mostly had heterosexual relationships.
M: I'd go with queer.
What's the most unusual place you've ever had sex?
B: Oh man, I don't know. You know, being nineteen and finding new places like in a car or outside in a backyard. Kind of the standard weird places. Oh, in a tree house!
How did that happen?
B: It was my tree house when I was young. I was probably eighteen. You know, I had my first cigarette in there, I smoked pot for the first time in there. So I was continuing that trend.
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Commentarium (44 Comments)
After reading this particular TTS, I just realized: I do believe that you can know you'll fall in love at first sight. I think within 5 minutes sometimes, you can instantly tell what a relationship with someone would be like.
Random, but there it is. I usually don't go for that outlandish stuff, but I realize that's happened to me before.
These people are all nice and interesting.
"guys tend to be giant pussies, and as much as I'm a raging feminist..."
huh.
"I probably make more money than you, honestly, and I'm probably more educated than you."
sounds like a catch!
" If you can't pick me up and fuck me against a wall, I don't want anything to do with you."
Also known as the tenets of feminism!
Knowing what you want and holding out for nothing less is completely consistent with feminism.
but using the word "pussy" is not.
True, uhh. More responding to "ya"
@KS: There's a difference between honoring your inner desires and telling everyone who isn't already your perfect wet dream to get lost. The bartender doesn't have to have sex with anyone (or in any way) that she doesn't want to, but there are kinder ways to express disinterest, and I always thought that feminism was at least in part about getting people to treat each other with respect.
Saying "I don't want to fuck you" is a human right.
Saying "Nobody would want to fuck you" or "Yeah, exactly. I love how all the ladies nod" is dehumanizing.
You should've told Mark that the bartender is into neck tattoos! Assuming these were chronological.
Bob rules.
I've discovered, with few exceptions, that regardless of a woman's politics, appearance, age, background, etc, that like Nicole they love getting plowed. I don't mean just steroidal jackhammering, though having endurance is important. Guys gotta have technique, which mostly comes from paying attention to how a woman responds and also what turns you both on.
If a woman wants to date a woman, then she can date a woman. If she wants a man... she wants a MAN. For some reason I was really into scrawny little emo guys when I was 16-22, shortly after that I grew up and realized I was attracted to the Brawny Man.
Speak for yourself, sister. I'll pass on the neanderthal.
If you're going to have sex on the pool table, try to avoid leaning on the rails. You don't want to have to re-balance those things for a true bounce!
I'm very pleased Scott H. Biram made it onto Hooksexup, even if it was only through Bob's shirt.
The last thing Bob said happened to me this morning! Crazy.
I'd LOVE to do Nicole from behind bent over a bar!!
Didn't know you were into pegging. (Or maybe poor preposition placement... maybe you're also doing your prepositions from behind)
Oakland is a great place, imbued with slightly decrepit charm and riddled with idiosyncratic treasures. Best (and probably cheapest) place in the Bay Area. Great interviews overall, but with a major caveat. African Americans are a plurality of the population in Oakland (28%), and whites make up just 25% of the population (if you don't count latinos as whites, which in the context of this feature I wouldn't) so it is really strange that everyone interviewed was white.
+1. I was waiting for at least one ultra-hip gay black man to appear on here, but I guess not. Extremely ridiculous that everyone this week was white. Hooksexup, c'mon son!
It's not really that strange. The city is probably segregated like most places in the U.S.; therefore the places that the (likely White) Hooksexup writers are going are more likely to be places they are familiar and comfortable with (Whole Foods), and will be primarily white. It's rare to find a bar or restaurant anywhere urban that has a truly diverse crowd.
though that is not to say I think that editors shouldn't try to interview a group representative of the population. It's just not as simple as being able to go anywhere and get a completely representative sample.
isn't everyone interviewed in TTS white, or someone who looks like they're the only minority in the room?
no, this looks like downtown to me, which is pretty diverse. it's hard to find an exclusively white hoard of people over there, it takes some hunting. perhaps the lascivious nature of the questions made the interviewers avoid non-whites? not kewl & kinda boring
And whole foods employees are really easy. When I lived next to one, I could just walk in at about 9 pm, pick out a cashier, and reel them in with promises of Maker's Mark and racer 5. It's basically a brothel stocked with neck-tattooed male prostitutes who will play the Velvet Underground while they fuck you.
If you're not obese, and have a face, this will work for most of the male population ages 18-27ish...
Actually, I haven't found that to be true. A lot of guys, especially younger ones, are put off by women who approach them. I was dating women for a year and got used to approaching people, and when I started dating guys again I was surprised because while I get a lot of unsolicited attention from men, when I did the approaching I usually got shot down. Also, most of the male population ages 18-27 aren't bearded vegans with useless art degrees who name their cats after jazz musicians. I hate myself for it, but I love hipster boys.
omg..i live right behind a whole foods. i am definitely going to start going in there showing some leg, or maybe a little ankle..see where it leads. this is exciting news!
I love Bob's perspective on his beard! So many people nowadays treat their grooming/tattoo/piercing etc choices like religious tenets.
That was pretty awesome.
Ha - this is my 'hood, and I know Nicole! She's a total fox. You go, girl!
Where is that bar?
that interview with mia was fascinating and I just .. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I want to party with Bob. "Do you think it was the date that set it off?
Yeah, because she said it was her dream first date, too. "Well, this is cool someone else likes whiskey as much as I do." That's how we met — drinking. Partying."
This is the least self-aware bunch of interview subjects ever featured by Hooksexup, and that's saying a lot.
I just get this incredibly strong intuition that Mark needs to grow up. Sorry Mark, but you do.
I was thrilled to hear "San Luis Obispo" and even more thrilled that is was sex on a roof
Is that Eddie Van Halen's guitar on the wall behind Nicole?
EVH copy and Randy Rhoads
Is it just me or is Nicole not actually that hot?
No she's not, but she's going hard with the "I'm not hot but I like to talk dirty and show off my tits" approach to getting attention.
It works on a certain segment of men. Namely the neck-tattooed barfly types, so she's probably doing well in her niche.
Nicole sounds like a piece of work w/daddy issues.Poor girl,get some therapy.
yea woman tend to be cocks too.
Kind of an off-putting group this time...
Now you say something