If you ever watched VH1's Top 20 Countdown in the late '90s, then the image of Brian McKnight crooning "Back at One" in a cornfield amidst the wreckage of a plane crash is probably indelibly printed in your mind. Almost thirteen years later, it turns out the R&B songster has more to offer than the ability to count to five and a resemblance to a hotter Wayne Brady. Last Monday, McKnight posted a preview of a new track on YouTube for an upcoming "adult mixtape." The single, "If You're Ready To Learn," has sparked controversy on Twitter for its frank treatment of issues pertaining to the female reproductive system. And by "frank treatment of issues pertaining to the female reproductive system," I mean he says he wants to make your "pussy" "squirt."
Yes, ladies, Brian McKnight, the gentleman responsible for the wedding dance soundtracks of awful people you went to middle school with, wants to school you in the art of female ejaculation. And, to be totally honest, it's not not not the least compelling offer you could ever receive from a former VH1 Top 20 Countdown All-Star (or, at least, it's more compelling than if it were from, say, "Desert Rose"-era Sting, or the dude from Creed, or whoever else was a VH1 mainstay during the late '90s). Here's a sampling of the lyrics to the chorus:
Let me show you how your pussy works / Betcha didn't know that it could squirt / I have lots of things to show you / If you're ready to learn.
I mean. That's pretty straight-forward, Brian, but I can't say that I'm not not not interested. Let's just say that if you were applying for a job with me, and you wrote this on your cover letter, my curiosity would be piqued enough that I'd go on to read your resume ("special skills include Photoshop, Microsoft Excel, and rhyming 'how your pussy works' with 'make it squirt.' Oh, and counting to five").
Unfortunately, however, most of McKnight's fans were not as fond of this ditty as I am, and the outcry on Twitter eventually prompted him to remove the song from YouTube, tweeting, "Okay I'm taking it down and I'll never do it again I'm putting up a safe song jeez no sense of humor but i trended for a little while," and "it's just sad that this is what i had to do to get most of these people to even acknowledge me." Which is kind of depressing, so hopefully the dude will ignore the haters and find a way to capitalize on his recent Internet fame (which it looks like he's starting to do: last night, he tweeted that the full version of "If You're Ready to Learn" will be available next week).
Still, Brian, dude, to some extent you had to realize this was gonna happen. It's like when Mozart wrote that song about rimming, or when he wrote that other song about rimming. Not everyone in your audience is going to be as progressive and open-minded as you. That's what being an artist is all about.
