Register Now!
getting around

  Send to a Friend
  Printer Friendly Format
  Leave Comment
  Read Comments
I didn't plan on having sex with a man, much in the way I didn't plan on losing my virginity to a woman. I met her when I was seventeen, the summer before my senior year in high school. We fell in love. Two years later I checked "lesbian" in the box and I did all the things one did when coming out in the nineties: I cut my hair short, I listened to Ani DiFranco, I put gay-pride stickers on my car, and I stayed away from men. In college, I minored in women's studies and took any opportunity to argue about sexism, classism, racism, and any other ism related to the plight of gender inequality.

My first girlfriend and I explored and studied sex like we were getting degrees in it. She penetrated my mouth, pussy, and ass with her tongue, fingers, and dildos that she strapped on. We tried all sorts of positions and developed a love or for role-playing. I discovered I liked pain and sexual submission. She discovered she liked power, control and inflicting pain — so much so that years later she became a he.

I never understood why men would get so flustered when I told them their pick-up lines would not work on me, I was a lesbian. Often, I was told that I needed to experience a "real cock" — theirs. But why would I want to work at getting something hard, just to have it possibly deflate, when a woman could strap on and fuck me whenever she or I wanted?

My first girlfriend and I explored and studied sex like we were getting degrees in it.
Then at twenty-six, after my second three-year relationship with a woman, I started to get curious and restless. I left my girlfriend, our one-bedroom house in City Island and our troubled relationship in search of something new. I was curious about a lot of things, even men, but didn't put "have sex with a man" on my to-do list. I figured if I was open to it, it would happen. And it did. The night I lost my virginity to a man, I told him the same thing I had told so many others: "I'm a lesbian; I'm not going to have sex with you." Except this time I didn't mean it. Many hours and many drinks after we met, I asked if we could go back to his place.

The sex was drunk and sloppy. By the time his cock was inside of me, it was seven a.m. and we were many, many sheets to the wind. He pumped me for about three-and-a-half minutes before he went limp and passed out. If I had still been a sharp-tongued lezzie who took any opportunity to tell a man off about his cock, it would have been the perfect time. But I didn't. There was something about him that I liked. Plus, my mouth was too chalky and my mind too confused to get the words out.


           
 

40 Comments

Is there a reason you don't use the label "bisexual"? Yes, the girls who make out with each other IN ORDER to titillate guys have given the term unpleasant associations, but...?

j.l. commented on 08/18

Interesting insight. Terrible grammar. Does Hooksexup still employ editors?

s.m. commented on 08/18

Yeah, what's with the grammar?

WW commented on 08/18

The last two comments just make me think about Sloan-Underwhelmed, lol. that said, this definitley feels like a snippet from a bigger storybook

MJR commented on 08/18

I had a very similar experience in my mid-twenties. Except, I made the decision to start identifying as bisexual, and I went back to dating women exlusively because I did not like the newfound "normal" feeling at all. The way my relationships fit in to society at large was a huge deal. I came out when I was fourteen, and all of the work I did for queer rights really mattered to me. I didn't mind being misinterpreted as a full-fledged dyke when I was with a woman, but I hated being misinterpreted as straight when I was with a man.

JR commented on 08/18

Nice piece. s.m. and WW, if you think the grammar was terrible in this story, you should go teach in public education -- secondary or collegiate. Put that snarkiness to some use, for it only makes you look jealous and thoughtless in this venue.

arb commented on 08/18

Interesting piece, and I did enjoy it. So thank you. But I do take issue with one line in particular... "She discovered she liked power, control and inflicting pain — so much so that years later she became a he." Enjoying inflicting pain is not a requirement for being a man, or a disqualifier for being a women. There are doms and sub, sadists and masochists of both sexes. Your prejudices may be showing a little here.

PG commented on 08/18

Yes, PG: "She discovered she liked power, control and inflicting pain — so much so that years later she became a he." What the fuck is that about?

MRI commented on 08/18

Won't it be great when we learn to stop assuming anything about eachother's sexuality just because of who they are with?

JG commented on 08/18

Thanks, PG, for bringing up a good point. I appreciate it. It should be stated that not all FTMs have switched because of BDSM tendencies. I was being casual on a topic that is very complex. However, in my ex's case, she did want to become a man for the power and control. The more we explored feminism together, the more she didn't want to fight against white, male, corporate oppression - she wanted to become it.

MM commented on 08/18

Thanks, PG, for bringing up a good point. I appreciate it. It should be stated that not all FTMs have switched because of BDSM tendencies. I was being casual on a topic that is very complex. However, in my ex's case, she did want to become a man for the power and control. The more we explored feminism together, the more she didn't want to fight against white, male, corporate oppression - she wanted to become it.

MM commented on 08/18

I am a professional editor and writer, and the grammar didn't bother me in this. It's first-person, colloquial, and friendly. I feel that a good editor allows the author's voice to shine rather than imposing strict Chicago Manual style. Was just listening to a delightful, towering rant from Stephen Fry about this point . . .losing the forest for the grammatical tress and all that.

mpb commented on 08/18

I appreciated the honesty more than anything. Bravo, MM.

JL commented on 08/18

Cool read. Thank you for sharing!

DS commented on 08/18

Nice, insightful work. I like how she explored the tendency of onlookers to form quick judgements depending on who she was with.

LB commented on 08/18

I agree with mpb. It's a much more interesting read when a bit of the author's personality is revealed through the writing. Excellent piece - I'd love to see more.

JW commented on 08/18

That's the funny thing about the label bisexual, we are still so diverse even inside that, some of us lean towards boys and others towards girls. It really is more of a spectrum than categories

DF commented on 08/19

More of this girl! Great story.

bg commented on 08/19

haha - CC is right. anyone who follows mia's work knows she is far from straight, but its an amusing title. and being a follower of mia's, it's indeed very cool to discover more background behind her sexuality and get her stories in a new format. brava, MM! always looking foward to more of your work!

JR commented on 08/19

I enjoyed reading this. I am openly bisexual and I can totally relate to much of what she's written here. Although, I don't have a hard time switching back and forth - I like men and women equally - but the people in my life sometimes have a tough time with it. It can be frustrating when your friends think you should 'just choose one or the other already.' I like that I don't have to limit myself. I like people.

LF commented on 08/19

I know it's stupid but I still tend to think 'bisexual' refers to somebody who's horny enough to go either way, all the time. And what's wrong with that? By now it should be as much of a snooze as voting 'independent'. And I'm unapologetically straight.

FC commented on 08/19

As a woman who finds herself sexually attracted to men and women, though I do lend towards men for the power plays, I loved this article. I think sexuality, when done right, doesn't neatly conform. I find myself deeply desiring to kiss some women, feel their sex, and make power with them, but I also find my body responding to men. I'm not ashamed of it. I love how once we decide to be unconventional, it becomes a restraint in itself, a new box of which we feel trapped. I refuse to be trapped.

nw commented on 08/19

As a man who started off dating women and then gradually transitioned into dating men (and eventually committing to a particular man) it was interesting to see you chart the journey from the other side. I still find myself attracted to both sexes, but I wanted a partner, and at some point it became clear that if I had to go one way or the other, it was going to be a man.

KsZ commented on 08/20

very enlightening article. I am a straight woman, so it turned me on the way you spoke of turning on Nate but I was also intrigued by your description of having sex with a woman. Interesting perspective!

bM commented on 08/20

seems like you are high-fiving the christian right who claim that people aren't born gay and can change..maybe you are the exception

jcj commented on 08/21

Yet another hasbian...snooze.

oh commented on 08/21

Maybe you want to read my article from 5 years ago...or, maybe you already did... https://www.jessicaraepatton.com/shame.html

JRP commented on 08/21

Coming out "straight"? Why, when you are interested in men and women? A bisexual person isn't straight when she's dating a man and lesbian when she's dating a woman. Or "normal" when she's dating a man and "abnormal" when she's dating a woman. Stuff like this article plays exactly to negative stereotypes about bisexuals: that they can be "turned straight", basically. Articles like this make it harder for other bisexuals to live their lives normally and have our identities accepted by both straight and queer people.

AL commented on 08/21

I liked it! Go Martina.... Ignore the snarky grammar comments. Just wannabes...

GTA commented on 08/21

For the record, I did not come at as straight. The title of my story was changed from "Coming Out" to "Coming Out Straight." I like to leave things open ended, I guess Hooksexup likes to keep things in tidy boxes.

MM commented on 08/21

For the record, I did not come at as straight. The title of my story was changed from "Coming Out" to "Coming Out Straight." I like to leave things open ended, I guess Hooksexup likes to keep things in tidy boxes.

MM commented on 08/21

bestiality is still open

dwp commented on 08/21

For the record, I did not come at as straight. The title of my story was changed from "Coming Out" to "Coming Out Straight." I like to leave things open ended, I guess Hooksexup likes to keep things in tidy boxes.

MM commented on 08/21

For the record, I did not come at as straight. The title of my story was changed from "Coming Out" to "Coming Out Straight." I like to leave things open ended, I guess Hooksexup likes to keep things in tidy boxes.

MM commented on 08/21

"I had lost my lesbian card. It was time to come out again". You said it yourself MM, so the title.. not very relevant

CA commented on 08/21

CA - She said, as you quoted "I had lost my lesbian card. It was time to come out again" - that is open to many interpretations: coming out as a bisexual, coming out as a lesbian who now sleeps with a man, etc. The story ends, as with many people's sexuality, in an open-ended, not-so-easily defined way. But the title, or the re-edited title, isn't so open to interpretation.

AO commented on 08/22

Interesting article. I was with a woman who discovered around the time I was dating that she was bi. I had no problem with her being attracted to women (I actually could relate to her liking women, since I like women too), but I did expect her to be monogamous - or at least that if she wasn't going to be monogamous, then I should be free not to be either. At the same time, I always wondered what it must be like for her, to enjoy two different body types, and this article communicated some of that to me. To me, wanting to be with my own sex feels like being hungry for a vegetable that I don't like. I don't have problems if other people want it, but to me it just doesn't appeal or taste good.

BC commented on 08/22

Great article. Very amusing.

MJM commented on 08/23

I started out as lesbian - went on to do the man thing but it seemed to be the 'norm' - I felt I was cheating me - back to being lesbian (and I don't do the male hate thing or rally on gay pride marches - I just want to feel loved and to offer love and this is where I'm most comfortable. Your was an interesting story of -- finding yourself! Bravo

TK commented on 08/23

what a life. https://4poster.150m.com

eboo commented on 08/24
 

Leave a Comment


Initials




We are ardently committed to free expression, but we do expect Hooksexup visitors and contributors to interact respectfully and responsibly. Blatant expressions of bigotry, sexism or hatred may be constitutionally protected on the street corner, but they're not cool here.


RELATED ARTICLES
True Stories: My Public Defender and Me by Fortunato Salazar
Could I seduce her before she got me off?
True Stories: One Night in Bangkok by Duncan Birmingham
As it turned out, my girlfriend and I had different ideas of adventure.
True Stories: Brazilian Girls by Saul Elbein
Getting laid in Rio is harder than you think.
My Ten Favorite Fetishes by Kris Saknussemm
A lifelong sex researcher on his most unusual discoveries.
A Note From Your Drunk Date by J.L. Scott
I am extremely sorry that I…
On Jealousy by Susan Seligson
The green-eyed monster in the mirror.

New Releases: DVD by Scott Von Doviak
Adventureland plus three. /entertainment/
Savage Love by Dan Savage
This week: Bros who love pros who aren't hos. /advice/
My First Time by You
"He was the lead singer in a band about to make it any moment..."
Cinema Sutra: The Postman Always Rings Twice by Jack Harrison
Jessica Lange and Jack Nicholson's version of how to turn a heated argument into hot sex. /advice/
Miss Information by Erin Bradley
Help! My boyfriend goes numb when we do it. /advice/
Best of Dating Confessions by You
"I know you think about my friends sometimes during sex. It's all right, I do too."
I Did It For Science: Topless in the Park by Meghan Pleticha
The law's on my side, but how will the locals react?
About a Girl by Giovanni Cervantes
Sometimes the softest exposure is the most intimate.