Talking to Strangers

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Jackie, 25

What do you do?
I'm an art model. Naked.

Have you ever given naked shots to a boyfriend?
All the time. If you come home from work one day, there's a very high likelihood that I'll be wearing stilettos and fishnets and crotchless panties. I like dressing dirty under my work clothes. One day I had a really long skirt, but I had a garterbelt and thigh-highs on all day. I looked like a librarian, but I was so fucking slutty under that outfit. So, yeah, I send naked pictures all the time. Every time I get a new photo shoot from my photographers, I send them to everyone.

I always figure that I should be showing this shit off now.
Exactly. In another five years, this shit's going to be on the floor. I'm gonna look back and think, "Gee, I was pretty cute." I feel like when people get older, they're always like, I should have walked around naked. My mom's like, "Be careful of those photographers, you don't want to end up naked on the internet." I'm like, "I'm already naked on the internet!" People will do anything you want when you're naked on the internet. Boys are the stupidest things in the world.

Why do you say that?
Because you show them a naked picture and you can pretty much get whatever you want. You don't even have to actually sleep with them. They'll mail you things. It's pathetic.

They mail you things?
People have purchased me things, and really, because I showed you my tits? I mean, I know they're wonderful tits, but this is highly ridiculous.

Men's minds confuse me sometimes.
It's fine, as long as they're buying me clothes.

If you like a guy, how do you make it happen?
I put my hand on his leg and say, "Are we doing this?" I tried this with someone at work, and it worked.

If a guy wants to get with you, what does he have to do?
Be really dorky and nice. I don't like anyone rolling up to me in their tight Hanes Ts. I like a ripped guy, but with the guy I'm seeing, I didn't know he was ripped until we got naked. He kept it very well hidden. I like the internet, so internet jokes. If you're part of a forum or have glasses, I probably love you. Shaggy hair. Just be a dork. You can't know that you're cute, you can't know you're charming, or I won't have sex with you.

What's the craziest place you've had sex?
I don't do public stuff. That shuts me off emotionally, and if I hear or see someone, I just can't. I'm like, "I'm getting friction burn. Let's just go get some nachos." But probably the chair. He'll be doing work on his swivel chair and I'm like, "Hey, how you doing?" You're only using the top half, I can use the bottom half.

Do you have any dealbreakers?
Any guy who starts talking about how smart he is isn't very smart. If you can't speak properly, you're so unattractive. Or if you're mean to someone, like if we go on a date and you're mean to the waitress. The way you treat salespeople is a big indicator. My ex-boyfriend used to talk to waitresses like they were the stupidest people on the planet.

Have you ever offended anyone in the bedroom?
I start giggling during sex sometimes. Something that happened earlier in the day will pop into my head, and I'll lose it. And they're like, "What's so funny?" And you can't say, "Nothing," because they'll think it's about their penis. It always comes down to the penis.

 

Jared, 28

What do you do for a living?
I just opened a pizza parlor a couple doors down.

Sweet. Does that get you dates?
Not yet. I tried online dating. I've only been here in New York for five weeks. So I did online dating and got a few dates that way. I've come up with a test before I meet them. I'll break the first date the day of, and if they freak out on me, that's warning sign number one. I make the date, plan it, break it the morning of, and see what their reaction is.

Have you met any crazy girls?
Yeah. I had one girl who seemed really nice, really sweet. We got back to her place, got to the bedroom, and she open-hand slapped the shit out of me. Gave me a black eye, dude.

What!?
Like a full-on, wham! That's just what she was into, I guess. I'm not into the pain thing.

Yeah. What'd you do?
I still had sex with her, but it was really awkward.

Where are you coming from?
Texas.

Are the girls different in Texas?
I haven't met a whole lot of New York girls, so it's hard to judge, but at a glance, yeah, they are different. The girls down south, they're a little... I wouldn't say ignorant, but it's a different type of girl. Girls here are more sophisticated, more cultured, whatever. Faster moving... I like it.

Have you ever been offended in the bedroom?
Yeah, I got slapped!

Oh yeah, right. All right. Have you ever offended anyone in the bedroom?
Yeah, actually. This is embarrassing. I was engaged. It was actually my fiancé at the time. We'd been together for a while, so it was time to let things loose a little bit. The ol' thumb in the ass. She totally freaked out. Locked herself in the bathroom.

Oh no!
Freaked the fuck out. It was so weird. It was... I dunno, man. Maybe I should've asked about that one first.

Maybe you should have started with the pinky.
"Hey, I'm getting ready to do this!"

Niah, 26

What do you do for a living?
I work at an off-Broadway theater as a production-assistant-slash-bitch.

Does that get you laid?
Um...no. Not at all, actually. Honestly, clubs are where I usually tend to meet dates. I don't really talk to them. I just dance, and then we do names after.

What's the longest you've danced with a guy without talking to him?
At least four songs.

If you invest four songs in a guy, is that like an all-nighter?
No. What if he says something stupid?

That's true. That's what I was thinking.
Or what if I turn around and I'm like, "Ohh, that's what you look like. Yeah, no." So no, four songs gets you nothing, except an introduction. Maybe.

If a guy wants to make it happen with you, what does he need to do?
Be respectful. Don't touch my butt. No butt touching. Be in full pursuit, don't make me work for it.

Do you have any crazy ex-boyfriends?
Yeah, I do. More than one, actually. One had alcoholism issues and liked to steal my car and do fucked-up things like that.

Wait, like it was a hobby of his?
Well, he did it once and didn't feel bad about it, so I'll call it a hobby. When you think that's funny, that's the problem. The second one, he was a citizen of another country, so I just think his morals and values were in a different place than mine. But still crazy. Like getting wasted with girls he didn't know and then inviting them back to our house to party. That's kind of crazy, right? Your girlfriend doesn't want you to bring home crazy drunk girls that you just met. I don't want introductions. I don't want them to eat my food.

Is there a type you usually go for?
Accents. Yeah, accents get me every fucking time. It can't be southern because I'm from the South, and that does nothing. Usually English, Scottish, not Aussies anymore, and South Africans. They have a sexy accent going on for sure. Or playing the guitar. If you play music, if you're a musician, pretty hot.

I just want somebody to write me songs.
Yes! Write me a song. And sing my name in the chorus multiple times.

Have you ever been offended in the bedroom?
No. Bring it on.