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The EX Files
Photographing and interviewing a current couple — with one of the couple's exes.




It's part sociological study, part voyeuristic thrill. We've all wondered what went wrong in past relationships, how old lovers compare to current ones, and how our own personalities and actions have changed over the years and with different partners.

Bringing everyone together, you'll see the subtle signs of why one partner ended up better than another, the soft dynamics of togetherness and separateness, the contentedness in the couple and the regret/longing/relief/indifference that the exes feel toward one another. Breaking up and starting up are among the most human of all things. These are portraits of romantic change.



We all know looks can be deceiving, but the deception goes to a new level when you start associating people with celebrities. When I first met KATE and ALEX — and Kate's ex DAVE — all I could think of was that the ex looks like a young Johnny Depp, and the current boyfriend looks like... John Turturro. (An early-twenties, buff John Turturro, granted, but still.) For a moment, my superficial side was confused at the seeming shift from A-list heartthrob to one of Hollywood's more eccentric-looking (though most talented) leading men. (And, yes, Turturro and Depp starred side-by-side as enemies who turn out to be two halves of the same person in the film Secret Window. How weird is that?)

But I quickly realized that Kate had made a very mature decision. As it turns out, Dave had a wandering eye and a penchant for trying to "flip" lesbians (ah, college...), whereas Alex proves to be rock-solid, in both abs and mind. Kate and Dave jawed a mile a minute, while Alex sat in a chair, calm and serene as the Buddha himself. Kate explains that he's the yin to her hyperactive- actor yang, and you can see how, four-and-half years into their relationship, without his stability, she might vibrate herself to pieces.

Dave, meanwhile, is now a good friend to both, casting them in films that he's written, but clearly still stinging a bit that he dropped the ball — or, as he says, the "orbs." You can tell he adores and respects Kate, but when speaking about her, he can't keep from mentioning her breasts. And that slip of the part for the whole might just explain why he's on the outside looking in.

Kate


How did you end up becoming an actor?
I don't know. I was loud. It was either pre-law at Yale or do what you want to do.

Why do you want to be a part of this shoot?
 It's an interesting evolution, how little pieces of each person you've dated culminate to one ultimately amazing person in the end.

Dave tells me you give him advice because he "sometimes [has] trouble writing realistic women." Are you saying he has more to learn about women?
 Absolutely — maybe he should stop dating lesbians. (Just kidding.) He's a douchebag, but a loyal douchebag. And I love him.

Alex's got great patience for me. I'm the extrovert and he's the introvert. I love structure, and he loves lackadaisical. And I'm crazy and jealous. It's not natural to watch the person you love making out with someone else onstage. But he has a very easy confidence. It's impressive, especially for an actor.

Dave


I had a thing for actresses, and Kate was beautiful and seemed to fall for a lot of the bullshit I would spout. I love being in a sage-like position with women. I've always wondered if I still harbor some sort of complex and repressed emotion, or if Kate wearing low-cut shirts is just always going to get me to look. (I hope Alex understands.) Could [I] get closer to those magical orbs I was denied all that time ago? You know how you don't know what you've got till it's gone? Well try having it shoved in your face with big boobs and fantastic lips for months, nay, years after your own mistake became apparent to you.

Am I jealous? Initially, yeah, I was. But the more I got to know Alex, and liked him, the more I realized how ridiculous jealousy is. Alex is a hilarious comedic actor, which made him all the more difficult to be jealous of.

Alex


I first met Kate in a writing class at NYU. I never did anything except wave for the first year. We were partnered in an acting class the next year, and our chemistry was karate. I found out she rides a motorcycle, and I knew she was the one for me. Plus, she's wicked talented and one of the strongest people I've ever met. I've always wanted to be with someone who I wouldn't have to support and at the same time wouldn't have to support me back. I wanted to battle through life with someone, side by side, back to back. Without Kate, my life would just be push-ups and video games.

I'm not a jealous person. I don't know why. I think when someone is jealous, it's more apt to drive a person away. I'd choose not to be jealous if I could, but it's just happenstance that I'm not.  n°

Photography by Jessica Yatrofsky
Written by Jack Harrison
Real couples and exes found by Impossible Casting

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19 Comments

I hope all of the people in these aren't going to always be aspiring models/actors.

aj commented on 08/13

Maybe two female exes? Or homosexuals? Or a city besides New York?

KD commented on 08/13

OR a bisexual set of people, with one ex-boyfriend and a current girlfriend? That could make things interesting. And PLEASE try to get normal people every once in a while. Still, this is a pretty cool idea; you could just do so much more with it.

CVK commented on 08/13

This is a neat feature. I'm guessing that it's actors and models because that's who is ready and available given their need for attention/exposure.

yoni commented on 08/13

i'll also throw in the observation that the 'real couples and exes [were] found by impossible casting'

ksc commented on 08/13

Im so over this column. I was hoping for something creative and original but its always the same scenario, gender breakdown, city, questions (basically everything listed above). C'mon Hooksexup, you are better than that

PNC commented on 08/13

i find this feature to be ill-conceived and sloppily executed. it's boring and seems to pander to people who have a difficult time letting go of the past and enjoy torturing themselves...hey, like most content on this site! Hooksexup, i've been a faithful reader for years but you're losing me.

AY commented on 08/13

Woah.

AMW commented on 08/13

can I get my money back?

jc commented on 08/13

Love this column. It's trying to get at something interesting and I like the insights.

tots commented on 08/13

Great idea, but poorly executed. If I see one more model/actor type in this feature I think I will puke.

fran commented on 08/13

Good try, but lacking substance.

emn commented on 08/13

These are three of the most attractive people I have ever seen.

ssk commented on 08/14

I think this feature could stand to go a little more in depth. Knowing both Kate and Alex, it really only glosses over the wonderful dynamics of their relationship and personalities. It seems like you just grabbed coffee with them and wrote the article.

lol commented on 08/14

Photos in Hooksexup used to be excellent and provokative without exception, whether done by professionals or amateurs. These are crap.

RD commented on 08/15

I would like to see this series done with Hispanic midgets in Estonia.

JMH commented on 08/15

I like this idea! Criticizing it is akin to kicking a puppy.

NSF commented on 08/16

Yeah, agree with many before me. Good idea, but needs more substance. And more interesting people, gay/bi, regular jobs, somewhere other than NY, maybe? Why not ask your members/readers to submit why they think THEY should be profiled in this feature... WHY is your relationship with your current and ex INTERESTING? you might get some really great insight for your "sociololgical study." Just my 2 cents.

sg commented on 08/17

always actors and models. thats fine, but dont bill this as an "experiment" if your subjects are trained to work in front of the camera. wicked study bias.

dj commented on 08/19
 

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