| Crush of the Week |
 |
You know how you get a crush on someone, then something disillusions you? Like they say, "Adaptation was the best movie ever made," or they get a stupid haircut, or suddenly they start liking you back? But ever notice how, sometimes, finding out the worst about them makes you admire them more?
We were initally impressed with Ashley Smith because she was able to use religion to talk down a killer who broke into her apartment and convince him to turn himself into the police. But now it's been revealed that she kept him from killing her by giving him drugs. Specifically, she gave him crystal meth. "If God really were involved, wouldn't he have put VALIUM on her nightstand?" our editor-in-chief, Michael, asked in a morning-after Ashley Smith rethinking.
We were also shocked to learn that her husband died in her arms after being stabbed during a brawl, not in a mine or Iraq as we'd assumed. And we were also surprised that she had a five-inch scar on her torso — "the aftermath of a car wreck caused by drug-induced psychosis." Talk about killing the magic. But then we thought, wow, her husband died in her arms, she had a major car wreck, and still she didn't quit meth. Only a serial killer tying her up in her apartment (and a book deal) got her sober. "God spends a little more time on certain people," Michael said, quoting 'NSYNC.
And for that, she is our crush of the week. — Ada Calhoun
|
| Quotes of the Week |
|
"Shirley Temple Black Blasts Paris Hilton" — Wackiest gossip of the week. It's a geriatric dogpile! Shirley Temple and Shirley MacLaine go after Paris Hilton. Run, Paris, run!
|
| "I've got a cup in my pants just bubbling with seed." — A line from Infertility, the Musical That's Hard to Conceive. The best ticket in town: post-show, stage door, where the actors rend their clothing and scream curses at God. |
| "Drop me a line when you get a chance and let me know your thoughts on these bands . . . or on anything else. How do you feel about dessert as the first course of a meal? ;-)" — Is this publicist hitting on us? That leering emoticon makes us feel strangely vulnerable. |
| Photos of the Week |
 |
Is it just us, or does Bush's new Supreme Court nominee have a mullet?
|
 |
It's the rare website that has both scary, melty nudes and a scary, funny interactive paint-the-nude-model game. |
| From Our Inbox |
|
"Documentary on bisexuality in America seeks young (ages 13-30) bisexuals in America to feature in the film, entitled Bi the Way (see bithewaymovie.com for more info). This film will trace the roots, transformations, and 'comings out' of bisexuality in American culture through a roadtrip-style anthropological/pop-cultural exploration. Please send your story via email to Brittany and Josephine: [email protected]." The ladies came to our office yesterday to interview us about Hooksexup's bi issue, and were very nice and smart, even though they did try to steal one of our especially helpful interns. And no, Peter, you can't get in the tour van with the fun movie people. Get back to work.
|
| In the News |
 |
A moment of silence, please.
|
| Researchers learn that Hollywood films lack safe-sex messages. |
| Nicolas Cage has named his baby Kal-El. |
| UPN canceled Denise Richards' Sex, Love & Secrets after one episode. |
| Product Placement |
|
The Cockrule promises to give you a size-specific name for your penis that you can be proud of. We didn't realize that Ikea-esque names like Jumber, Shaften, Donkster, Bonkore, Nubba and Beenol would fire up male egos, but there's a lot we don't understand about men.
|
 |
"English mixed-media artist Paul Watson has been combining sex, glue and found objects for several years now. No, not in the bedroom, but in his art studio." Best sales pitch for a collage series ever? |
|
Commentarium (4 Comments)
On the supreme court nominee, it's not just a mullet. Have you noticed those 'bangs' are not cut quite straight? With that crazed look, she appears the kind of woman who insists on cutting her bangs herself. The photo intimates, too, that maybe W. helped her.
OK, when I saw the picture you have up for the inventor of valium, my first thought was "Oh shit, Abe Vigoda died." Then I read the article, very sad, but hey - way to go Abe Vigoda!
Miers looks like Charles Gray as Blofeld in drag in Diamonds Are Forever. Makes me want to scream, "Get a f****** neck!"
Speaking of photos, was it intentional to make the thumbnails on the Home page for the Will Doig comics article and the Salman Rushdie interview look exactly the same?
Hello! cbdedee interesting cbdedee site!