Only Actresses With Natural Boobs Will Be Cast In Pirates of the Caribbean 4

The shape and movement of breasts is the most important issue when producing a family-friendly summer action movie based on a ride from Disney World. (In related news, the casting agents are only looking for men with uncut penises that measure between six and eight inches.) Given Hollywood's generally enthusiastic embrace of silicone enhancement (a sweaty, uncomfortable embrace if ever there was one), this is a bit of an odd choice. Why?

"In the last movie, there were enhanced breasts to give that 18th-century whorish look, and men were pretty well padded too, and no one worried," a former casting agent said. "But times are changing, and the audience can spot false breasts."

That sort of makes sense. The last movie was set in the 1700s, when people were whores, but now the times are changing either here or in the universe of the film, and so now we can tell which boobs are fake or not. Logic!

And in case any of you wily enhanced-boob-having women out there try to pull one over on the casting director, let it be known there will be a day of judgment that requires "jiggling." (Luckily this will be the only time in these women's lives people will judge their bodies.) It's a good thing this doesn't sound like a clear-cut case of sexual harassment waiting to happen.

Via The New York Post.