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"I never thought I'd sacrifice the quality of my sex life for intelligent conversation, yet here we are. And I won't see anyone on the side, but I save every naked picture my ex sends me."
"You're a decade older. And that makes you about a thousand times hotter."
"The sad truth is that however much I love you, I cannot marry you if you have a father who I want to punch in the face all the time."
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