Miss Information: I'm overweight. Am I doomed to be alone?

Dear Miss Information,

I am twenty-nine years old, six-foot-one, and fairly overweight. I weigh close to 300 pounds and am always afraid that this is all women see when they look at me. Losing weight is not an easy option. I am diabetic and have to maintain a certain calorie count which prevents me from losing a large amount of weight. I am not the smoothest man when it comes to dating and honestly haven't even been on a date in almost three years. Not for lack of trying — I go out to the bars and clubs and chat women up and get nowhere. That, or I end up as the big brother or the best friend. I am just tired of being alone. So let me ask you this: does being overweight really scare women off? Can anything I do make a difference? — Confused and Lonely

Dear Confused and Lonely,

Let's not use the word "scare." You're overweight, not a swamp thing or a werewolf. Does being heavy limit the number of women who are attracted to you? Yes. Notice I said "limit" — not "obliterate" or "rule out the possibility of" or any of that other absolutist bullshit. Whether you believe the obesity epidemic is real or a Dateline segment trumped up beyond all recognition, cruise through any online personals site or pass through a bar on a Friday night and you'll see that having a perfect body is not a prerequisite for dating.

Would slimming down, assuming you were able to do it, help you meet women? It depends. Some people lose weight but find that their brains — and the various insecurities and neuroses that have taken up residence there — haven't changed. They get approached more, but don't have no idea what to do when the flirt hits the fan.

I don't know if that's you, though, Confused and Lonely. The fact that you're still going to bars and clubs and reaching out to people speaks buckets about your untapped player potential. Do you know how many emails I get from people who are so freaked out that they can't even initiate a conversation? That, or they try it once, get rejected, and never do it again?

Three things I want you to do to get yourself on the road to finding a girlfriend:

1. Work on making yourself more attractive. Losing weight is an obvious one, but physique isn't everything. Attraction has multiple dimensions. You may be The Heavy Guy when you first approach a girl, but you can also be The Heavy Guy Who Has The World's Strangest Hobby or The Heavy Guy Who Dances Like He Doesn't Give a Fuuuuck (I find this one particularly hot) or The Heavy Guy Who's Not a 'Teddy Bear' But Crazy Sarcastic and Hilarious. People break from their so-called "type" all the time. Mojo — that magical combination of self-confidence and charm — is what drives the switch. Yours is there. Unbury it.

2. Switch up how and where you look for dates. Are you only looking in bars and clubs? Try going online. Hit the other side of town, or take a different group of friends. Take one friend. Are you passing up the girls with a few extra pounds or avoiding hitting on the skinny ones because you think you don't have a chance? Why not hit on whoever the hell you want to and see what happens?

3. Round up some more opinions. You've already got mine, so that's a start. I'm sure you'll get more from readers in the comments. Ask a good friend what they'd do — other than lose weight — to meet more women if they were in your situation. Find a fellow diabetic and see if their calorie requirements are as stringent as your current doctor says. Not only is collective input free, you can always take what you want and chuck the rest.

Dear Miss Information,

Is it okay to settle when you get to a certain age? My mom, who has been divorced from my dad for eighteen years, finally fell in love again and has been seriously dating a man for the last three years. He is a nice man and I'm happy that she now has someone to do fun old-people stuff with. The thing is — he's married! He and his wife are living in separate cities because they both refuse to give up their careers, though they still own their family house and have children and grandchildren together.

My mom seems to have the attitude of, "I'm old so I'll take what I can get, nobody is perfect, I can make sacrifices for him..." etc. My mom spends much more time with him than his wife does — the wife really only sees him for a one-week span during holidays, so my mom is the main woman in his everyday life.

Do you think it's okay to settle for less-than-perfect when you get to a certain age? Should I back off and let it happen, or does she need an intervention? I would love to see my mom in a caring relationship so I know she won't be alone as she gets older, but this wasn't exactly what I had in mind. — Farmer's Daughter

Dear Farmer's Daughter,

Does the wife know about the other woman, a.k.a. your mother? Does the relationship have her approval, or are the two of them doing "fun old-people stuff" without her consent? There's a big difference between doing something out in the open, and clandestine antiquing followed by smutty rice-pudding innuendos at Bob Evans. If this woman knows about your mom and your mom isn't holding out any hope that the man will divorce his wife and marry her, then I say to hell with it. Let her have her fun. Marriages dissolve. One spouse dies before the other. Life is terminal and unplannable. I've heard of worse arrangements. Finances are the only area where I'd throw out a caution flag. Is she dipping into her retirement money to buy him lavish gifts? Paying his utility bill while canceling her cable?

Of course, if it's an affair according to the classical definition of the term, then it gets more complicated. Not only could your mom get hurt, she could hurt other people, and not just the wife. Everyone's got aunts, uncles, children, and grandchildren too. Yes, the boyfriend bears the majority of the blame, but just because someone chooses to act like a dick doesn't mean you have to be there to help facilitate.

If that's the case, what can you do? Not a ton. Tell her what she's doing is wrong. Ask her to put herself in the wife's shoes and think about the consequences of her actions. You know all those platitudes she used to spit at you back in the day? They still hold up. Because they're good. (Except for the one about not going into dimly lit-bars without any windows. That's where I've met some of my favorite people.)

Three years into a relationship is a little late for an old-fashioned shunning, but don't feel like you have to buy your mom anniversary gifts or go out of your way to cover for anyone, either. If she wants to lie to the rest of your relatives, that's her choice, but don't join in if it makes you feel shady. There's something to be said about consistent, quiet disapproval. It gives a person the space they need to come to an epiphany on their own with the right amount of guilt to help drive the change.

Readers, have any of you taken a passive approach with a friend or partner who was behaving in a less than ideal manner and had it work out?

Have a question? Email . Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.

Comments ( 46 )

What Erin said. My boyfriend is about 6'1" and his weight has ranged up to almost 300 lbs. He wouldn't have been my type, but I met him at a swing dance class . . . and the guy is an awesome dancer. He went from being "cute but too chubby for me" to "damn sexy" simply by being a demon on the dancefloor. Being smart, funny, and incredible in bed are all part of the package, but I might not have stuck around to learn all that if I hadn't been so swept off my feet (literally and figuratively) by his dance moves. He's also very muscular under the fat, which helps--he comes across as a big, strong guy who could stand to lay off the quesadillas rather than a blob. So, even if you can't lose weight (I'm a little unclear on why he can't diet--I had heard that in fact losing weight is particularly important of you have diabetes?), hititng the gym and getting buff and cardiovascularly fit make a big difference.

mpb commented on Sep 13 10 at 12:24 am

@ the fat guy: Just lose the weight. It can be done even with your condition, you just need closer supervision from a doctor. You are 6'1, believe it or not, this puts you ahead of the game when it comes to meeting women. Tall is always better.

ggg commented on Sep 13 10 at 1:20 am

I agree with the last guy, it could have been worse. You could be short and fat.. maybe figure out a way to wear your weight better.. or dominate with large confidence too.. be a BEAST.

Lawrence commented on Sep 13 10 at 2:18 am

I've always liked bigger guys - more to love, blah blah blah

Lo commented on Sep 13 10 at 2:19 am

Also, bars might not be the best place for you to meet women. Bars are by nature superficial. You might do better putting yourself in situations/activities where you'll get to know women as friends first.

AG commented on Sep 13 10 at 2:52 am

Confused and Lonely: Go online, go online, go online! I cannot stress this enough! My boyfriend is heavier than you and not quite as tall, but we were able to meet on an online dating site about one of our mutual interests. Dating online really opens up the number of women you can make contact with, and you'll find women who honestly don't care that you're packing a little extra around the mid-section. Also, be open to dating women of all body types; remember that women who aren't considered to be traditionally attractive according to today's standards for whatever reason face many of the same obstacles you do and are also deserving of love.

SG commented on Sep 13 10 at 4:27 am

Hey C&L:

I was in a very similar situation (27yo, 305lbs, 6'0", diabetes, inactive, unhappy). I'm now 35, 240lbs (and it's as much muscle as fat now), and in the best shape of my life. Diabetes is under control, finally. You can do it too.

Re: "have to maintain a certain calorie count which prevents me from losing a large amount of weight. " This is bullshit. Although you should never take medical advice from strangers you meet over the Internet, if you think you need to eat more calories than you burn in order to maintain your health with diabetes, you're doing it wrong. I've talked to some top doctors over the years and nobody's ever mentioned that, and I've never seen it in the literature, and it clashes with everything I've ever read about diabetes. Talk to a dietitian or go find a hospital with a diabetes management clinic. Also go find a personal trainer, but one with some serious medical clue, not some dummy who doesn't get where you're coming from. Be discerning; you're the one who needs help, you're the one with the wallet.

If you just think that you have to eat (making this up) 1800 calories/day and you only burn 2000 and so that you can somehow not lose a "large amount of weight", this too is bullshit. Slow weight loss is the only healthy weight loss, and if you don't start today you're going to be in worse shape tomorrow.

Also, go get some exercise. That's the single best thing you can do for your self, your self-image, and your diabetes, even if you don't lose weight. Start Crossfit (www.crossfit.com). Best thing I ever did for myself. In the past year I've lost 3" off my waist, ran a 5k in <30min, can do a few chinups, and can bench press my body weight. But I only lost 8lbs - I replaced a ton of fat with muscle. Stop looking at the scale and look at the tape instead - body fat percentage, size of pants that fit, etc. Start slow, be persistent, you'll get there. Keep a pair of fat pants around so you can watch your progress; I sometimes put my 48" jeans on instead of my (now) 35" jeans and I still can't believe it.

Other posters have pointed out that not everyone looks at a fat guy and starts making mooing sounds. Don't find someone who loves you *because* you're fat (that's how you get to be the 500lb tubbo with an enabler wife); find someone who loves you as a person, with size just part of the deal. These people are out there, and they're awesomer than people who can't see the real you without a flensing knife. Oh, and some of them are absolutely fucking smoking hot, too, if that matters to you (and you're allowed to let that matter).

Hope this helps. There is a way out. Trust me.

-eric

eric commented on Sep 13 10 at 6:48 am

(damn, Hooksexup needs to preserve whitespace; my reply looked a lot less like an unstructured ramble with my paragraph breaks in it)

eric commented on Sep 13 10 at 6:58 am

Never intervene in your friends or relatives sex lives. You never really have any way of knowing what's going on in anyone else's relationships. (the only exception to this is if someone is being physically abused, then by all means step in.)

If the dude's wife has any brains at all she knows that if she only sees her husband one week a year that he's getting some elsewhere (and would probably be much happier if it's with a regular girlfriend and not escorts or random conquests.) That doesn't mean she wants that info confirmed or wants him to admit it to her, it just means that it's something a sentient human would be aware of. And, I'm sure the wife is not celibate 51 weeks of the year either.

Bart commented on Sep 13 10 at 7:28 am

Hey big boy - get serious about losing the weight. Find a dietician and an exercise regime. folks pretend that losing weight is quantum physics. Its not.

bob commented on Sep 13 10 at 8:51 am

Losing weight is not everything. People put way too much emphasis on it. My suggestions don't be only looking for skinny hot chicks, look for the ones you connect with. Bars and clubs are idiotic all you are going to get there are childish idiotic people who are too stupid to find a real hobby. They choose to destroy their brain cells every weekend how smart can that be.

Ashimar commented on Sep 13 10 at 9:27 am

To the overweight guy... shouldn't be a problem as long as you have decent hygiene. Seems like large men have a much easier time hooking up than large women.

fmaiden commented on Sep 13 10 at 9:28 am

I agree with the people that just encouraged him to lose the weight. I have dated one guy in my life who had a bit "more to love" but honestly I wasn't as sexually attracted to him. It's not about having a model's physique, but just being in a normal weight range for your height is going to expand your dating options a lot

sydney commented on Sep 13 10 at 9:42 am

Kudos to Miss Info for pointing out the value of "consistent, quiet disapproval." This approach has worked for me when I'm confronted with the problem of friends in bad relationships. I used to lecture them relentlessly, but now I say my piece once, share new insights on their situations occasionally if I think they will be helpful, and maintain my stance if they come to me for advice. You can't force people to change a bad situation; they have to arrive at realizations themselves. And if you haven't spent too much time hectoring them, they will come to you and thank you later.

girlJ commented on Sep 13 10 at 10:33 am

Nice Bob Evans reference Erin, I'm impressed.

Pappy commented on Sep 13 10 at 10:56 am

Don't go with "has the strangest hobby". If you start doing something in your free time in order to Be Noticed, 1) it's obvious and 2) it's not attractive, because you're just waiting around to brag about it.

Sunbury commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:03 am

I think Miss Info missed an opportunity with "Confused and Lonely." I would also ask him if he was willing to overlook comparable physical flaws in women, or does he have a mental "No Fat Chicks" requirement? I'm sure he has a wonderful personality etc., but if he's only trying to hook up with supermodels, then yeah, he might get rejected a lot. Be accepting of others, and they will be more accepting of you.

JR commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:05 am

You gotta love this. Confused and Lonely:
1) Don't restrict yourself! Flirt with people you think are attractive.
2) Restrict yourself! You're only flirting with people you think are attractive.

Sunbury commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:09 am

I like tall chubby guys with beards. Internet dating, avoiding the superficial bar scene, and getting active are all awesome ways to meet people.

I mean, who cares if you're the biggest guy in a tennis or dancing class if you are enthusiastic and having a good time!

There is hope. :)

Sara commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:10 am

Forget anybody here who's telling you to lose weight - they're coming from a self-centered POV and answering the question "what would make this guy attractive ~to me?~" rather than "more attractive to ~somebody?~" While most of us may agree on generally what's optimally attractive, the explosion of fetish pr0n on the internet should make it very clear: different people are attracted to very different things.
If you want a smart, intelligent, good woman who you'll get along with for the long run, you need to be interesting. Take dance classes, go hiking, adopt dogs, read books, be like the Dos X guy. You could even let your size work to your advantage by becoming a fantastic cook!
And fmaiden was right: hygiene is of the utmost importance. Good hygiene is a requirement for winning over a few of the girls who might not usually be into big dudes.

TB commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:14 am

Confused and Lonely: they're right. 6'1" is a huge advantage you can't have that surgically enhanced.

I'm diabetic and I had to go doctor shopping until I found one willing to roll up their sleeves and help me get in shape. They're out there.

Become a personal hygiene expert. It might take a month or two.

As far as becoming the best friend/shoulder to cry on/big brother thing: Confucius Say, "Be Han Solo, Not Luke Skywalker".

Being interesting and interested is the best advice on here so far. Get busy crossing off the things in life you want to do. Women ARE SOOO attracted to men with momentum, and it really doesn't matter if you're rich or good looking.

Formerly Flabby commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:59 am

LW1: Definitely see a new doctor if the one you currently have isn't doing anything to help you lose weight. Consider investing in a gym, personal trainer, and a nutritionist as well. Losing weight isn't so much about getting dates, although that'll be a nice fringe benefit. It's about getting your health and self-esteem in shape. You'll be a better boyfriend/lover if you are in better physical shape.
Second, this may seem harsh, but one issue I have with some guys who complain that they can NEVER get a date is that they are hitting on women who are way out of their league. That's not to say that you can't date up sometimes, but you'll strike out a lot more often. Are you only hitting on thin, physically fit women? If so, try being a little more realistic and less hypocritical.

CFG commented on Sep 13 10 at 1:14 pm

@Sunbury:
1. don't avoid flirting with a woman just because she might seem out of your range (makes sense if he's self-conscious/scared to talk to hot women)
2. if you refuse to talk to any woman who's not stereotypically modelesque, the problem might lie within you. want people to get over their anti-fat basis? try to get over yours (applies more if he can be cocky, or way too discriminating)

they're not contradictory. don't be afraid to go for what you like, but try to expand your definition of what you like. go to bars, and hit on hot women, fine, but also try to meet women who aren't immediately sexy, and not just write them off. Who knows which will work?

L commented on Sep 13 10 at 1:32 pm

It's not just about the weight; sometimes it's how you dress and present yourself. Granted, I don't know Confused and Lonely, but there are definitely big guys that I find attractive and they always have something great on. Every now and then I see overweight people (men and women) and it's not the weight that bothers me, it's the fact that you could tell that they weren't putting in the effort to look good. Like, "whatever, I can't look good no matter what I wear," and that screams no self-esteem to me.

I should know. I'm probably only slightly overweight by Western standards, but I'm Asian and I live in an Asian country that prefers stick-thin women so here, I'm fat. But I like fashion and I make an effort, I'm happy and in a relationship and never found it terribly difficult to date.

Now... I'm not saying that you don't pay attention to your looks, but if that is the case, well, maybe it'll help. :)

N commented on Sep 13 10 at 1:54 pm

I'm not going to tell you to lose weight, C&L, but I also think it's bullshit that you have to eat so many calories because of your diabetes. Also, you should exercise, not just to lose weight, but to give you energy, make you feel good about yourself, and for your overall health. At 300lb, you should have some concerns about your health that extend beyond your diabetes. And I'm not speaking as some judgmental skinny person- I was once 270, at 5'3".
Everyone's different, and not everyone was meant to be thin, but there are things you can do to make yourself healthy and feel good about yourself.
You might go out and try to meet people, but what kind of image are you sending them? Are you down on yourself? Do you try to be funny in the form of always putting yourself down? Presenting yourself to the world extends beyond what you look like. Get involved in social groups and focus on building friendships. It might help boost your self-esteem (which it sounds like you need) and, eventually, help you meet someone.

what Eric said commented on Sep 13 10 at 2:37 pm

I'm surprised by the number of commenters who give this Guy hygeine advice. Considering the number of rail thin types who shower infrequently I know, it surprises me that this fat = poor hygiene stereotype exists. All the overweight folks in my camp are usually the *most* put-together. But maybe they're all aware of the perception and just working harder to fight it.

wow commented on Sep 13 10 at 2:40 pm

I had a single friend in a relationship for about 3 years with a married woman. The woman did separate from her husband during this time, but took forever to divorce, and had tons of guilt issues, mostly involving their kids. I took the approach of telling my friend that, in my opinion, he deserved a better situation with someone who was both willing and able to give him 100%. I also made sure to express that I would only talk about it once, and then trust him to make the best choices for himself, and I'd support him. The affair died a slow death over time, and he really gained some valuable insight into himself which allowed him to leave her for good. I'm glad I didn't force the issue, but also glad I spoke up and shared my perspective.

Hooksexupsystem commented on Sep 13 10 at 3:59 pm

LW#1: Dude, stay out of the bar/club scene. That place is a cornucopia of vapid and shallow people. Unless, that's what you want, then, hey, go for it. A great way to meet non-shallow people is to take classes. That's how I met my hubby, who, incidentally, has the identical proportions that you have. I don't care about his outside; I love the fact that he's funny, smart, kind, thoughtful and sweet.

Pinky commented on Sep 13 10 at 4:03 pm

Dear C&L, tall and chubby is exactly what I (a fairly clever part-time model, part time physicist) go for.
You're not going to be alone forever. Honest.

Anon commented on Sep 13 10 at 4:08 pm

My wonderful man, who is just about the cutest and best dressed thing, is a chubby boy. He is shorter than the poster and I can assure you, he gets flirted with A LOT. Although, due to still having that mentality that no one could find someone with weight attractive, it goes over his head. We were once at a show and I was standing behind and a girl started flirting with him and he innocently responded "Oh yeah, my girlfriend introduced me to this band!" and grabbed my waist. The look of sheer disappointment on her face.. my goodness!

Anecdotal, sure, but if you're a good person at heart and you dress to impress.. the ladies will follow. Weight loss or no!

Dee commented on Sep 13 10 at 7:32 pm

More encouragement for C&L. My wonderful boyfriend is about your height/weight and is the sexiest man I've ever met. Yes, in truth the first time we got together I wondered if I could get over his weight but decided to try since I was so attracted to everything else about him. His size quickly stopped being a concern or even something I see. Thinking about the long term (if that is your goal) we have taken the approach that I will help him be as healthy as possible but his pants size is not my responsibility. Its great that you are putting yourself out there and meeting women. As long as you are not just frequenting terrible, vapid bars filled with terrible, vapid people; you will meet someone who digs your stuff exactly as you are. One finding a date suggestion - adopt a dog if you possibly can. In addition to having a great friend in your life, dogs are great social vectors and motivators for exercise. Get a dog, love it, take it for walks and have women come up to you and initiate conversation. They may be all sweaty from a jog and not wearing any makeup. You won't be in "bar mode." More genuine connections seem to get made that way.

Leigh commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:04 pm

1. Women are attracted to real (not faux) confidence. To the extent your weight is affecting your confidence -- and it sounds like it is -- you need something to improve your confidence generally, and your confidence specifically in talking to women. One way to do that is to lose weight, but it's not the only way. Find something you take pride in about your life and try to find away to convey that pride to women without being arrogant.
2. Apart from its affect on your ability to lose weight (and your ability to attract women), exercising improves your life in numerous ways. Taking your statement about caloric intake requirements as true, you still ought to be able to exercise. Do it. Make it part of your life.

Anon commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:21 pm

Confused & Lonely DOES NOT need to lose weight in order to find love. No way, no how. Maybe it would be advisable to lose weight to manage his diabetes but he didn't write in because he wanted a lecture on his health. (And I'm sure none of you Internet Medical Professionals are runway-ready, either. So shove it.)

He needs to stop obsessing over his weight. Will you weight be unattractive to some women? Sure. But everyone is different. Some girls like a larger fella; I know several ladies who prefer fleshier mates. And if you walk up to a girl to start a conversation worrying, "Oh noes, what if she doesn't find me attractive because I'm fat?!"... well, GAME OVER. Of course she will like you, Confused & Lonely. Because you're smart, or funny, or a kind-hearted person, or have gorgeous eyes, or a deep sexy voice, or you're well-read, or rich, or whatever you've got going on. And if she doesn't? No harm, no foul. You're still alright, you're still worthwhile, and there is someone out there for you.

Grooming is important, though. I'm a curvy lady and believe me when I say this: The "fat slob" stereotype is very real and people who are not "fat slobs" and happen to be "fat hygienic awesome people" need to make sure they present themselves well to combat that negative stereotype. Go to your local Big & Tall and buy yourself some smart new clothes. Make sure you shower every single day. Keep the facial hair under control. Smell good. (Seriously, smelling good is important when it comes to the ladies.) Don't turn yourself into something you're not but make sure you're cleaned up. It does wonders, it really does.

And what they say is true: When you stop looking for love, it happens. Go out, get involved in your community, find things you're interested in, become the person you've always wanted to be, do things you've always wanted to do, and love will find you. I will, I promise. But only if you stop being worried about never finding love and start living your life, not as a means to get laid, but because that's what you're supposed to do.

Also, it's important to realize that a relationship won't necessarily make things awesome. It's an easy trap to fall into when you've been single for a long time, but it's poisonous. Make your life what you want it to be, because finding a girlfriend won't do that for you... only you can.

linda commented on Sep 13 10 at 11:55 pm

I love reading all the persectives! I was dating a guy that was large and I was worried that it was going to bother me, but everything else about him was so awesome, that his size actually became another really hot thing about him once I was smitten.

Dee commented on Sep 14 10 at 12:01 am

Hey, at least you're not a fat woman. It's way easier for fat men. I LOVE big boys. Just love 'em. And a LOT of women do. You just need to be a confident one. That's probably what's missing for you. Knock those doubts out of your head and it'll get a lot better for you.

Callie commented on Sep 14 10 at 2:15 am

Confused and Lonely: It's not the weight, it's your perception of it. I have been 40+ pounds over my recommended weight since college. I am very active, have run marathons, etc. but love to eat too much to lose the weight. I have never had any trouble getting into and maintaining intense romantic relationships women of all shapes and stripes by being calm, confident, and fearless. If the weight is what is interfering with your confidence, they you should address it as suggested by the other commentators. But at the end of the day (or night, as the case may be), if you are not confident, "size matters not" as Yoda may say.

Osso commented on Sep 14 10 at 2:02 pm

Frankly, unless you have the courage to work really hard for about 5 years at loosing the weight, you are going to remain a fat bastard.

good luck

Eric N commented on Sep 14 10 at 10:13 pm

Just one more lady chiming in to say that I like my mens to be on the heftier side - so much more to love! I will also stress the hygiene thing, not so much because of the stereotype, but because I've known a few guys who didn't take it too seriously, no matter what they looked like. As someone stated earlier, smelling GOOD is a very big deal. And that means - do NOT go overboard with the cologne or body spray. A little goes a very long way!

sang commented on Sep 15 10 at 1:10 am

When I met my husband at a friends anniversary party, it was his personality and humor and willingness to engage in conversation and not his weight I was attracted to. He is 6' and almost 300 lbs. I love everything about him.

Jane S commented on Sep 15 10 at 2:11 pm

Your advice to the first guy is great. As a fat woman, it's almost the exact same advice I found most helpful when I was feeling too this or that to date.

I would also add, just work on building your social network. Make new friends. Go to more parties. Throw parties. Invite people out for group dinners. Plan meet-ups at bars for your friends. Tell them to bring their friends. A rich social life makes being single more fun whether or not it nets anyone you fall in love with, and if it does, awesome.

CAK commented on Sep 15 10 at 4:40 pm

Physical differences from the ideal are easily overcome. As a lady dating a SHORT dude, I can say honestly that I don't give a damn about how tall he is - or isn't - because what I care about is his sense of humor, compassion and talent.

However. I have to agree with the poster above who talked about getting your diabetes under control, I second the vote for getting into Crossfit, and would also recommend finding a doctor who is willing to help you follow the Paleo Diet, which can be very effective at getting diabetes under control. As someone whose mother was a diabetic and never had her disease under control due in large part to her diet, I would never get into a relationship with someone in the same circumstances (especially if children are being contemplated). It's about long term health, bottom line (with some measure of self-control and an ability to commit and follow through thrown in for good measure).

Banksy commented on Sep 15 10 at 5:43 pm

confused and lonely... I used to be your size. I'm smaller now, but still a big dude. I look at myself in the mirror, and am usually slightly disgusted by what a fatass I am. But I still do ok with the ladies, because my self worth is not tied up in how I look. I won't go into a big how to get self-esteem speech, that's out there if you look for it. But I will confirm that there are plenty of ladies out there that love the big men.

princemarkiedee commented on Sep 15 10 at 5:54 pm

They make spanx for men now.

c commented on Sep 15 10 at 8:39 pm

I looked at that Crossfit site. Holy shit! "Intercepting an Attack from a Car" is one of the "exercises." Craziness. Sounds intriguing.

THe commented on Sep 16 10 at 11:12 am

love i like to meet her

setlovegod commented on Sep 16 10 at 11:48 am

I consider myself to be a happy person because my childhood was very joyful, I was surrounded by my parents and relatives. When I grew older I had to decide what kind of career I will be pursuing in my life and my choice was obvious, following my mother's footsteps I became an accountant and enjoy my job very much.
Interests In my free time I like going for a walk, meeting my friends, travelling, exploring different parts of the world, reading interesting books, watching TV and mastering my level of education. My job involves constant professional development. am adams existence

setlovegod commented on Sep 16 10 at 11:52 am

Dear Miss Information,

Dear Confused and Lonely,

Dear Miss Information,

Dear Farmer's Daughter,

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