Wannabe first-wife Cindy McCain has had a rough go of it lately, what with accusations of John's extra-marital affairs, the revelation that John called her a cunt sixteen years ago ("At least I don't plaster on makeup like a trollop, you cunt."). In addition, Senator McCain is probably focusing his energies elsewhere these days, leaving the McCain marital bed a little cold (we're just guessing). Cindy could probably use some loving right about now, but what kind?

Does she just need some good cuddling or could she use a good poke? In other words, spoon or spork? Everyone knows what “spooning” is so we need not repeat the obvious, but “sporking” is a whole other beast. Sporking is a good spooning that turns into a great porking—thus the name.