Our idiot of the day is State Senator Derrick Shepherd, who was busted for assaulting and robbing his ex-girlfriend at his house (which he claims isn't his house), while getting what officers figured was a lap dance...

1) In the wee hours of Saturday morning, Shepherd, who represents a district in Louisiana's Jefferson Parish, began throwing rocks at his ex-girlfriend's bedroom window (according to the unproven claim by the ex, of course.) When his ex made the huge mistake of letting him in, he thanked her for her courtesy by punching her in the stomach.

2) The ex then locked herself in a second floor room. Most guys would get the hint by now, but not this Senator: he fought valiantly for her attentions, damaging the door in the process. Somehow, the ex subsequently escaped from the house, but...

3) ...for some insane reason, decided not to go for help, reentered the house and "shoved," she says, Shepherd out of it. That was when she discovered that her cell phone and $100 was missing.

4) Cops showed up a little while later at an address they knew to be Shepherd's. Shepherd, you should know, has been fighting charges that he does not legally reside in the district he represents. (The house where the police found him at, which everyone knows is his full-time residence, is actually three miles outside the district, which would make him ineligible for the seat.)

5) The cops enter and find two unidentified women (hookers? strippers? transvestite stripper hookers? what, tell us!) plus Shepherd on the couch. One of the women is performing the act that Tila Tequila is failing to do in the above picture. The NOPD arrest Shepherd.

Okay, this is all fine and dandy so far, but where's the payoff? Not to worry, we won't let you down:

6) The article goes on to state that

the [missing] phone was later found at Shepherd's home when he was arrested. [The ex apparently] sustained abrasions to her left wrist and her lower abdomen.

In April, Shepherd was indicted by a federal grand jury on five criminal charges, including mail fraud, conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, and conspiracy to commit money laundering. Prosecutors say he fabricated records at his law office to give unlicensed bond broker Gwen Moyo access to $141,000 in checks written to one of her companies whose accounts were frozen by the state Department of Insurance. He kept about $65,000 and returned the rest to Moyo and her associates. About $20,000 of that amount was used to pay campaign debt, according to the indictment.

In his comments to reporters Sunday morning, Shepherd responded to the newest charges by saying he can take it if people criticize him, but it's a different matter if people threaten his mother or sister.

"The only thing I'm guilty of is not calling the police first myself," he said.

Ah, the old They Insulted My Mother sympathy trick! We haven't seen this since police started laughing criminals into custody for this one a hundred years ago. Since then, most people are intelligent enough to either keep their mouths shut or come up with a better excuse.

Please don't resign (yet), Senator Shepherd. You're keeping us highly entertained...

Via NOLA.com.