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Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

10:41am: With Hurricane Gustav threatening the Gulf Coast, and New Orleans likely to escape a second major disaster, we're here in Minneapolis, where the Republicans are debating the best way to neutralize reminders of Katrina. 

Today is a day off, thanks to Gustav (which some are calling "The Revenge of New Orleans," as in "on the Republicans") while driving through the community colleges looking for bags of cocaine and fat young boys...

Here are some of the rumors we've heard so far from senior McCain staffers, journalists, and local prostitutes:

-Local police raided a house where a few dozen anarchists were holed up, scuttling their terroristic plans to throw urine on delegates and "injure police officers." Seriously. Does anyone actually think this nonsense is going to hold up in court? 

-Because there's nothing going on at the convention tonight (everything's canceled out of respect to the possible victims of Gustav), secret underground parties are springing up all over the city. Meanwhile, protesters are not taking a day off, even for Labor Day. They'll be passing by the convention en masse around 1pm Minneapolis time...

-Tomorrow we'll be attending: The Future Leaders Of The GOP Amtrak Train Drinking Party, Sponsored By Patron (you think we're kidding-- this is a real event) and Financial Football: A Day With The Minnesota Viking's Rookie Of The Year Running Back. Shoot us now, please...

We'll be updating this post throughout the day... rumors, lies, and insults always welcome at and check back here for more at https://dailyscanner.com.


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Posted Sep 01 2008, 11:09 AM
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Comments

skeptic said:

Do you honesty think it has to stand-up in court?  That's not what this is about - it's about making sure that any possible opposition to the Republicans is stifled, same as always.

September 1, 2008 2:31 PM

drkate08 said:

How about a discussion of the irony of Sarah Palin's strong support of abstinence-only education despite having a pregnant teenaged daughter. Let's not trash the kid- she's a kid and only 50% responsible. But let's do consider Gov. Palin's grasp on reality and the specifics of sex education and its effects on teen pregnancy rates (v. abstinence education). Do you have any numbers?

September 1, 2008 3:21 PM

toadstoolfrog said:

I seem to feel (and not like a boob gets felt) that Scanner Brian dislikes Rebublicans more than the democrats?  Sort of like shit and flies are mutually full of dung soon to become a coprolite.

September 2, 2008 12:57 AM

profrobert said:

Gustav may have helped the Republicans by keeping Bush away from the convention and prime-time TV.  Moreover, Gustav, apparently, hasn't been anywhere nearly as damaging as Katrina (and I thank goodness for that).

Also, I haven't seen anything that says Palin is for abstinence-only education (I did see a report that she was a member of a conservative group that supported contraception, but who knows?).  It's certainly a legitimate question for the candidate.

September 2, 2008 1:50 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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