VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Sure, this weekend's Emmys got us all thinking about nice stuff like the rewards of a job well done, the power of television as a communication medium, and Tina Fey cleaned up real purty. But we know what you were really thinking about. You were wondering Jon Hamm couldn't have tackled Bryan Cranston and taken the award for himself. You were wondering why Neil Patrick Harris hasn't challenged Jeremy Piven to a duel. You wanted Kyra Sedgwick and Holly Hunter to shove Glenn Close out of the way and decide this like animals.

We did too! Which is why we are now inaugurating a new feature on The Remote Island: Imaginary TV Fights. Fights that we all know could happen -- should happen -- on our televisions, but somehow never will. Maybe we can't get real-life actors to battle it out, but darned if we can't determine which of their characters would reign supreme in a full contact deathmatch. (You can't argue with science!)

Our guide through this Alternate History Channel will be Jake Kalish, raconteur and cryptopopculturalist, whose book Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights is helping worldwide to settle the question "Who'd win?" Han Solo or Indiana Jones? Muhammed Ali or Bruce Lee? Voltaire or Voltron? We contacted Kalish in his palatial Aspen estate and asked him to consider the many untapped wells of violence and domincation that exist throughout TV history, and identify a few of the most intriguing ones. Here is the first: the many sides of William Shatner duking it out in a threeway battle of the stars! (Well, "star," anyway.)

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