Patient Zero in an outbreak of tuberculosis on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten has been identified — and it’s a stripper. At least 40 people were exposed to an intoxicating blend of boobies and bacteria, according to health officials, who, after a public campaign, believe they’ve identified all the infected.
Hey, you know something that was omitted from our otherwise exhaustive introduction yesterday? This one time, in Southeast Asia, we caught Ye Olde Consumption ourselves. Swear to God. Total drag. [Ed. note: This is not a joke. He really had TB.] Without the love of a good woman and a fistful of gray-market Vietnamese Xanax, we’d probably have lost our minds. But hey, if you’re out there, unidentified stripper: We got over it just great. And if we can get over it, and if Tom Jones can get over it, then by God, you can, too. So good luck, kid! You get them healthy, sexy lungs back out on stage just as soon as you feel up to it. And in the meantime, the good news? Horrible health scares are great for weight loss. — Bryan Christian