If you're as unnaturally enthusiastic about the Paris Hilton: Be My New BFF show as us, you surely didn't miss last night's Reunion Special- Finale Show- Aftershow trifecta. And what you couldn't have missed if you did watch the back-to-back BFF attack was how strange it all was. Let us count the ways.
The Reunion Special featured:
- A tattooed and guylinered audience apparently recruited from the queue for a My Chemical Romance concert
- Action that was edited out when Natasha called video director Chris Applebaum the biggest bitch of all and he immediately left in what might have been a huff (good, that bitch deserved it), then [scene missing] suddenly Natasha is trashing the cardboard Bitch-O-Meter
- A contrived revenge sequence in which Baje reveals she swished (pun intended) Onch's lip gloss applicator in the toilet, right as Onch just so happens to be applying his lip gloss. What a coinkydink!
- A contrived fight between Zui and Bikini Corrie about how they both take off their clothes for money
The Finale featured:
- Bizarre matching Marie Antoinette minidress getups for the two remaining contestants with no explanation until the final scene, which takes place at a masquerade ball
- Vanessa asking Brittany to give up her seat next to Paris on the plane so she can stare adoringly at her while she sleeps
- Vanessa describing how she and Paris do BFF things together like fall asleep on each other's shoulders, but when they show the footage of said scene, Vanessa had put her head on Paris' shoulder with no reciprocation
- Vanessa generally appearing creepier than ever in her psycho-phantic desperation to be Paris' BFF: "Every second counts now. Like, every single second." [crazed smile, crazed eyes]
- About 45 minutes of either Paris and Brittany or Paris and Vanessa awkwardly assuring each other what a great time they were having and how happy they are to be getting to know each other
The Aftershow featured:
- Nick Swardson, aka rollerhomo Terry from Reno 911 playing his least festive role ever: himself as Paris' friend.
- I watched it, but I'm still not really sure what else happened. I think it was a half hour of Paris & Pals lying on a bed talking BFF talk.
Related:
Paris Hilton: A Pedophile with a Message
Paris Hilton Pulls the Bullshit Train to Toronto