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Sloppy Seconds: Job-Sanctioned Sex

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

This Mom threw such a hardcore kegger for her son and his friends that the cops found the air at her residence was running a .03 alcohol level.

The members of the Atlanta band The Black Lips are lucky to not be rotting in an Indian prison.

The truth about Joaquin Phoenix should have been obvious to everyone: he was in character for a mockumentary by Casey Affleck.

Buy an LCD TV instead of a plasma one, if you care about the environment.

The post office is considering cutting one day of service if its budgetary demands go unmet. It's time Netflix started its own shipping company and took over the world...

The A-Team really is going to be a movie. Boycott all remakes!

Someone should do a 90-minute documentary on what goes on when these cops strike for an hour-and-a-half. 

Let's all get jobs at Canon in Japan so we can receive work-sanctioned early release for sex.

And Meryl Streep told Alec Baldwin she'll do 30 Rock, yay!

 

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Diamond Dave Assteroidz!

Ashton Kutcher to Spread His Manjunk All Over North America

While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Londoners Knew How to Drink Us Under the Table


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Comments

Brendan said:

In my book, Joaquin Phoenix set a record for fastest lame to fucking awesome turnover.

January 29, 2009 2:42 AM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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