Leave it to Vice to try and settle the breast milk debate once and for all by getting a hipster to eat breast milk cupcakes. Well, not so much just eat breast milk cupcakes, but do a blind tasting of regular (cow) milk cupcakes vs. breast milk cupcakes.
In case you’re still dubious towards imbibing of le lait teton, we forced our friend Patrick to do a taste test: Breast-milk cupcakes vs. some regular old cow-milk cupcakes. He was hesitant, but we were like, “Suck it up, wimp!” And we went on, “Don’t you think it’s weird that humans are the only mammals who still drink milk as adults? And not even our own, but baby fluid for a whole other species? Did you ever think about the fact that we’ve mutated our own stomachs in order to be able to digest bovine baby fluid, Four-Eyes?”
And then Patrick went, “Let’s eat these cupcakes, by Christ!” After quietly chewing for a few minutes, he whispered, “I… I can’t tell any difference at all.” But we said, “No, you have to choose one.” So he held up the cupcake in his right hand and said, “This one is vaguely tastier.” And guess what, it was the boobcake! Breast milk officially wins!
Um, Vice, we think you mean human breast milk officially wins? But whatever, we sort-of wish we'd thought of this ourselves, if only so we'd have an excuse to eat two cupcakes. And if anyone is giving away free cupcakes, we say 'bring on the breast milk!'
[Vice: Hello Titty]
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