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The thing about your wedding is you can make it anything you want, within whatever's affordable. Don't want a big expensive white dress? Don't wear one! Don't want to ask people to be bridesmaids and groomsmen? Substitute Brussels Griffons in white dresses! You'll be the talk of the town! If you add your own personal touches and don't worry about what the rest of society thinks a wedding is supposed to be, then you can consider it a very special party, and who wouldn't want that?

We had 99 guests at our wedding last year, and it was considered "small" compared to some of the 3-ring circuses (with 300 guests) we've been to. Its amazing how quickly the price tag jumps up and threatens your budget, but in comparison to many others I've discusses this with, my wife and I should have start new careers as wedding planners for putting ours together for about 25-50% less than what I was hearing for New York weddings - but I have no intentions of ever planning one again. Last word – everything happened perfectly, she was beautiful and so was the night.

I have to agree with the guy. Every couple that wants to spend the entirety of their lives together should have a wedding of sorts - for the ritual, for their families, and for themselves. But that doesn't mean white dresses and ice sculptures. Personally, I favor a big awesome dinner where at the end, we stand up and kiss while some priests break some glasses or something.

I, too, watch the hell out of Bridezillas.

Erin is the only reason I ever read Hooksexup any more, and I am delighted to see that Eric is adorable and seems to be worthy of her. My husband and I had the exact same debate 12 years ago when we got married. I was unable to imagine a wedding as a good experience, and he wanted the party of a lifetime. Wanting him to be happy, I told him to run with it, and our botanical-garden wedding had about 60 guests, no matching outfits, no stupid decorations, and an awesome party at a bar that then moved to our house and went on into the wee hours. It was less than $2,000 for everything, and my husband was totally right- it was the party of a lifetime. It rocked, I loved it, I am so glad it happened.

Love this. This couple is adorable, and I think it just goes to show that a wedding is what you make of it!

I got married almost 4 years ago and we did the big church wedding and reception, although it was officiated by a priest and a rabbi (and a talking duck). I'm Jewish, my wife is Catholic...and the church was obviously her request. Beforehand, I would have been very happy to do an Elvis-drive-through-wedding in Vegas. However, I couldn't have been happier that my wife "forced" me to do a more traditional wedding; and we did pretty much everything including consultations with both the rabbi, priest, and pre-cana. The pre-cana was especially ridiculous because we were placed in a "remedial" class with other jews, criminals, divorcees, and out-of-wedlock parents. However, the ridiculousness of the situation only reinforced that my wife and I were meant to be together. As for the day itself, it was really amazing. Sure some things went wrong (my wife lost our marriage license, one my groomsmen's wife offered me anal the night before)...but it all came together (except for me cumming in the aforementioned groomsmen's wife's ass... thankfully). Kidding aside, like others have mentioned it is really important to mark such a day with a ceremony. This didn't hit me until I was in the Church, seeing my wife come down the aisle....and then it hit me like a fucking hammer. Normally, I can't stand wedding ceremonies, or any religious ceremony or service for that matter. But I was enraptuted throughout the whole thing (granted, our priest and rabbi made for some good comedy). The fact that we put so much work into the day, and made such a big deal of it, only served to emphasize how important that date was/is. That's not to say you need to spend a ton of money, or make a big production of it. But speaking as someone who was not into the whole idea, I can definitely attest to being converted. (The party was great too, but I won't drag on with the boring details...although I will say that you shouldn't get too excited about the cake. Wedding cakes almost always suck. Our only regret is that we didn't go with cupcakes).

Love this. This couple is adorable, and I think it just goes to show that a wedding is what you make of it!

This was hilarious, well done. But really what I want to hear about now is that mouse hole!

I'm with Eric and I'm a guy. Where have all the romantic ladies gone?

Just starting to consider plans for a wedding but it will be fun and somewhat simple (as much as possible). Our friend will be conducting in a fun unique space. I've got guys standing up on my side, we're having pie instead of cake. You can do whatever you really want, some people just get a little too caught up in it. The trick I find is really to pay for it yourself. Then you are in total control. If that's not the case you have to bend somewhat to the parent's whim and that's when there get to be too many cooks in the kitchen. Alternatively I went to my cousin's destination wedding in Jamaica a few years ago. There were only 30 people, she had never met the minister, knew what flowers or cake she'd have and it turned out great. I would consider that but in this economic climate it doesn't seem fair to ask my friends to pay close to $1,000 to come to my wedding.

Oddly enough I've noticed lately it's the guys that want the big wedding.

I don't think a wedding is a necessity. I don't need a piece of paper from the State saying my partner and I are committed to each other; all I needed was her saying she wanted to be a family together. Commitment is about the heart, and marriage is about law and finances. Thus, we did get married when we figured out we'd save $500/month on health insurance. We had about a dozen guests at the Municipal Building, including our mothers, and went for an Italian lunch at a restaurant nearby. I think the whole thing cost about $1000, and it turned out to be very nice. The clerk really orchestrated a nice ceremony, and I'm very glad we did it. I thought we'd have a big party the following year, but there are better things to spend our money on, we've found.

It was 15 below zero wind chill when we got married, which made the reception seem so toasty warm and lovely. We did exactly what we wanted for our wedding and caught hell from parents on my side (who were getting a divorce and not speaking to each other and didn't want to be in the same room together) and grandparents on his side (we refused to invite relatives we had never met). I'm glad we had the full church wedding and formal reception with dancing. We ended up with a late start on our wedding night as my husband had to help his brother put out a fire in the engine of his car. Frustrating then, but seems funny to us now. I would say do what you want for a wedding, and don't allow interference from relatives.

My wedding (3.5 years ago) was definitely my favorite party ever. We had 75 guests, partied late into the night, and I will remember it forever. DO IT!

I got married in a park with 30 people, and it really is beautiful to have the handful of people you're closest to witness the culmination of a relationship they've been a part of (even if only as satellites). Plus, wow, the emotional intensity of the day is crazy. Yes, the planning wasn't always fun, but it's wonderful to see a day you've planned for come together in such a great way, and to have that one person you want to spend your life with pronounce the same desire in front of the world.

Context first: I'm a 30 year-old lady about to get engaged and my soon-to-be-betrothed is actually my high school boyfriend! I ran into him in a bar thirteen years after we dated as kids. He has been married once before--he did the big three ring circus deal in his early 20s, and hated it for many reasons other than an ultimately unsuccessful marriage. I hate the idea of a traditional wedding, and all the weird compulsory fanfare that sucks you right in. We're now saving up to elope to Paris together in the Fall. I want it to be really special, just not the year of horrible/expensive planning followed by a weird hassle-y meaningless-to-us ceremony in front of everyone we know. The main thing to me is that I get to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful person as my partner and best friend. That said, I can't wait to be engaged (I'm not getting a diamond--another bizarre compulsory thing to make me cringe).

You should totally have in in NYC. Do something in Prospect Park or better yet, Tompkins Square Park. Make people put themselves up in hotels. That should weed out the unwanteds. I plan on attending and bringing a guest. As a matter of fact, i'd like to stand up in it and i have never said that before. I'll help plan it. Have the rehearsal/welcome to town dinner at Hooters. Love you guys. Just do it.

You guys are so fucking adorable! Come on, weddings are so much fun! And once your book becomes famously successful, you can just *hire* someone to handle the details of the affair...and have an open bar. I'm with Eric. I want to see you guys have a big schmancy wedding!

Sure, weddings are pointless if you intellectually analyze it hair-by-hair. However, monogamous relationships are also technically pointless, if you truly psychologically pick the concept apart under a microscope. Lots in things in life aren't logical. It's okay. Have a wedding. It's fun. Live life. You're already in a relationship, which makes just as much logical sense. We humans do goofy things.

Coming from a hispanic family, weddings are essential for the celebration of a new marriage. However in these tough times i would rather elope and throw a small party for family and friends.

if i ever get married, i will make my husband elope with me at city hall, and then we can rent out a restaurant where we like to eat and have a private dinner party there. no need to go into debt for one night when we could use the money to buy a home, go on a swank vacation or whatever. i don't think i'm being anti-wedding but just, well, realistic. especially in NYC!

Just imagine your dream party, guest list, food, music, and outfits. Then schedule five minutes to get married at some point during it, and get back to the party. Call it something other than a wedding if you want to. But HAVE IT, because its (hopefully) the only chance you get to do something like this ...

Thank you Erin - this is exactly how I feel and I just get blank stares whenever I mention any part of my thoughts or feelings about it - either to other women or to men. Although at this point I am past the point of debating the topic and am sure and confident of my perspective on these things. My bf has also finally come around :-). Good to hear see these thoughts being voiced!

Hey EB, your boyfriend is cute, and you seem to have a nice dynamic together. Very happy for you both!

DJP makes an interesting point, Erin. What if all the details are handled and money isn't an issue? Does the idea of a wedding then become appealing...?

I've been married twice. The first was an outdoor wedding in the spring in someone's backyard with about 60 guests-- all beloved friends and family-- officiated by a civil judge. Neither of us was religious, so why do anything in a church? I wore a pink silk dress with flowers in my hair and he wore a suit. Friends did the catering, a neighbor made the tiered cake (filled with chocolate chips and pecans!), another friend made our rings, another friend sang. The biggest ticket item was the photographer. I had never dreamed of a giant white dress and a church wedding and wasn't going to be railroaded into one, despite my mother's fantasies. The ritual was important to both my husband and me-- and might I add, it TOOK because we were married until he died 11 years later. The second time around, we eloped: did the no nonsense ceremony at City Hall, wearing a dress and a suit that we had pulled out of the closet that morning and with rings that we bought in a jewelry store across the street. A friend was our witness and she also took pictures-- and after we bid her goodbye, we went out and had a big fancy lunch at an oyster bar with a lot of wine. Two weeks later, we told everybody we were married. No party needed. And we're still married, so I guess that one was a good wedding too. Moral: do what makes you happy, but mark the day. Do NOT, repeat, DO NOT let other people impose their notions on you of what a wedding ought to be. It's YOUR wedding, it's YOUR marriage. And one last thought: money is always an issue in every relationship. Whatever you do, do something that you can actually afford. You'll be happier if you start out together with as little debt as possible.

Our wedding clothes were sewn by my wife, the dinner was a potluck, and I baked the cakes for the wedding myself. The cakes were formed into a large sheet with a yin yang symbol in the center, just for good measure. The ceremony was in the back yard, and we had a low stress, thrifty, fun time with family and friends. That was over 30 years and two kids ago.

One of the most hassle-free weddings I ever attended was at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica. Everyone came for a week's vacation, and they got married at the end of it. We all paid our own way, obviously. The resort took care of all the details, we were all gloriously tan for the pictures, and the wedding certificate read "Spinster" where the bride had to put her name. WIN.

I'm not a big party person. My birthday guest list never rises above 10. Logistics give me a headache. In my opinion, whatever you want for your wedding; it's highly personal after all. Mine will consist of an insanely small guest list at a convenient but mutually chosen location, and will probably be pot luck, because that's how I like my shindigs. Being Chinese, I will not be able to shirk the traditional wedding either, but c'est la vie.

Some thoughts from the elopement trenches: The husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We eloped. And we've always been happy we made that choice. Some thoughts: * People who say "just have the wedding you want" are ignoring the fact that eloping was having the wedding I wanted. Small, simple, private. * The thing about this idea that weddings are fun is that fun is a relative term. I don't happen to think really any ceremony is fun. It's great that other people do. I just don't. That doesn't mean I refuse to attend other people's weddings when invited. I figure we can all be respectful of each other's choices. * Yes, weddings are for the family. Important tip: If you're eloping, don't "warn" anyone. They'll just fuss. Much easier if it's a fait accompli. And absolutely, family likes to be involved in your wedding. So, what we did, which eventually worked, was allowed both our mothers (in different states) to plan the receptions of their dreams, interfered minimally, and went to both. This seemed to smooth some of the ruffled feathers. * Someone earlier made an important comment about the emotionalness of weddings. Don't imagine that there will be less emotions as a result of an elopement. They just don't have a safe, scheduled place to be indulged in, so you'll see them from different people at different times.

This was retarded. I was hoping for an actual in depth conversation about the prospect of marriage from an actual couple's perspective and all I got was a sarcastic back and forth complete with inside jokes?

IF you get married do what we did "elope" to Vegas. Tell the friends and family you want there a few months ahead of time to be there. As far as wedding dresses go I wore a bright pink one and we did cake at Krispy Kreme. Plus there are plenty of places to buy drinks and if your relatives can't have fun in Vegas then they should stay home.