The search is on to find the Uwe Boll of board games. Universal has signed a deal with Hasbro to develop movies based on the classics: Monopoly, Battleship, Ouija and Candy Land. Because that 1985 Clue movie worked out so well, it only took 23 years to get to this point. Apparently everyone who was in charge of Hollywood then has now moved on.

This development dovetails nicely with last summer’s rumor that Ridley Scott has interest in bringing Monopoly to the big screen. According to the scuttlebutt at the time, Scott has already offered roles in the film to Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst. (We’re guessing Dunst plays the shoe, with Johansson taking on the part of the top hat.) The plan is apparently to turn the hallowed game of Atlantic City real estate into “a racy comedy thriller… in an attempt to win over teenagers who regard board games as a last resort on a wet afternoon.” Hey, if chess can be made into a musical, I guess anything’s possible. (And don’t tell me I’m the only one who remembers “One Night in Bangkok.”)

Admittedly, Battleship makes a little more sense as a cinematic concept, and Ouija pretty much writes itself, but frankly we’d prefer David Cronenberg's Ants in the Pants or Martin Scorsese's Don’t Spill the Beans to Candy Land: The Movie. If you think Universal couldn’t set their sights any lower (their official announcement is rife with nauseating buzzwords like “global brand awareness” and “slate strategy”), be warned that they aren’t stopping at board games. Variety reports that other Hasbro products, like goop-filled marvel-man Stretch Armstrong and poker-for-geeks Magic the Gathering, are also in the mix.