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The Remote Island

"So You Think You Can Dance": Confused, Yet Turned On

Posted by Bryan Christian

Okay, before we get to the meat of last night’s episode, we have a question. What is this “for real” business? At first it was just the shirts some dancers wore that said “IV REAL” which, we will admit, we pronounced as “ivy real.” And then it was the weird hand-on-shoulder sign. And now even Cat is saying it. But what is it? Is it like…a cause of some kind? Or an inside joke? Is it like those Inspi(red) shirts? These questions are driving us crazy.

Anyway. Was it just us, or was last night’s show a bit…sexy? Obviously any show with gyrating twenty-year-olds with exquisite bodies in skimpy outfits will be at least a bit hot, but there was a definite air of naughtiness. Not only was there an angry/sexy kiss between Twitch and Katee at the start of their number, but we once again found Nigel discussing his bedroom antics (with…Mary Murphy. And voyeurism. Please take a moment and vomit.) and in-depth discussions of long legs (Chelsea’s) and entrancing backsides (Joshua’s). And even though Will was wearing a shirt, it was see-through mesh, which hardly counts.

Maybe the sexiness had to do with the fact that the dancing was so much more fun this week? Out of eight routines, seven were great (and once we tell you that Mark and Comfort had to do the foxtrot, we think you should be able to figure out which one wasn’t good). Our favorite was probably Mia Michaels’ dance for Twitch and Katee, involving a spurned woman and a prop door. The only thing that distracted us was the constant slamming of said door, which had us screaming out, “FINGERS! WATCH YOUR FINGERS!” Because, apparently, we have turned into our grandmother.

Since we’re down to only eight dancers, we needed some filler in the form of clips of each contestant explaining how they got started with dance. Since most of them said they started dancing at three, it didn’t really do much for us. Unless the story is something like, “I got into dance because I was sold to the circus at a young age and learned to love performing,” then we don’t care. Also not impressing us was guest judge Toni Basil, she of “Hey Mickey” fame, who looks decidedly cat-like. We won’t lie – we TiVo’d through her comments. And Mary Murphy referenced Ashton Kutcher and Punk’d, which filled us with unexpected rage. It’s been a wonderfully long time since we had to think about Mr. Kutcher and we’ll be damned if Mary Murphy somehow brings him back (don’t say his name three times! He’ll suddenly appear!).

NOTE: through the magic of Google, we found out that the “IV REAL” thing is an inside joke (because it’s season four and they are so very real this time around). We love that, because it fuels our fantasies about all the dancers being best friends and having slumber parties and CALL US because we want to join.

-- James Ryan


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About Bryan Christian

Bryan Christian has worked as a writer for Epicurious, GenArt and ID magazine; a web producer for WWD and Condé Nast; and a cameraman for his friends. He's married and lives in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn.

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Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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