This is a post about sex, and it involves Megan Fox and Kristen Bell. Interested yet? Then let's get started:
First, we need to discuss the greatest interview ever published, which GQ did with Transformers megahottie Megan Fox. (Did you know she also played the daughter on Hope & Faith? Us neither.)
By now, you've probably seen the part where she talks about how she was once in love with a Russian stripper -- but if not, we'll recap. Just for fun.
"That year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided—oh man; sorry, Mommy!—that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time—I would go there by myself. I bought her things—perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration—like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”
Why her?
“She smelled like angels.”
Seriously?
“No. Well, she did smell good. Like vanilla. She was sort of a tough badass, but she’d do these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads."
But that's not even the part we're talking about. It's this section, where she insists that, despite some nasty rumors, she didn't perform a certain act on fiancé Brian Austin Green in public. (That's right -- Megan Fox is engaged to David Silver. But the unfairness of life isn't the point here.)
It seems like the closest you’ve come to a controversy... are those paparazzi photos of you reaching under the table to grope Brian at a restaurant.
“I don’t understand why they’re so scandalous. When they first came out, it was like, Megan Fox was giving Brian a blow job in pub—I mean, uh—a hand job in public. First: Who gives hand jobs? Who’s given a hand job since seventh grade? Not me. And who does it at a café on a public street? I touch him all the time. It’s just like, if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever. That’s all it was, but it became a big deal. I don’t know why. For me, touching Brian’s dick for two seconds—that’s not part of our sex life. That’s me playing around; you know, you just cup it a little. For a few seconds.”
So, now that we've got all that out of the way, you're wondering: What does this have to do with lovely Veronica Mars and Heroes star Kristen Bell?
For that, we'll just have to show you her appearance on The Tonight Show last night, which was going just fine until douchey comedian Dane Cook decided to chime in about how she couldn't perform a similar act because of her Heroes electricity-from-the-fingers power.
Other than that, it's a good interview, so watch the whole thing.
Photo: GQ
Previously:
How Rude! Bob Saget Roast Full of Sex Jokes
Top 10 Returning Shows: Heroes