Just when we thought washed-up celebrities had gone as far as humanly possible in humiliating themselves in a desperate attempt for us to pay attention to them, this past week saw the premiere on Country Music Television of Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Wrestling and we were horrified, disgusted, and exhilerated all at the same time. We watched until Dennis Rodman pinned Dustin "Screech" Diamond(!), and then we had to turn off the television and take showers. We swear, we will never, ever tune in again Saturdays at 8 p.m. Eastern again, not even when Danny Bonaduce takes on Todd Bridges(!!!).

(Although, hey, we're not responsible for what our Tivo does. Or what happens late at night, when there doesn't seem to be anyone around. Which reminds us: Tiffany, we got a c-note on you going all the way, honey, so let's see some hustle out there!)

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights