A whole lot of kissing, wedding planning, a wife wondering if her husband is cheating, deathbed visits -- this felt a whole lot more like an episode of Dynasty than an episode of Dexter. Yeeesh. Somebody kill somebody, pronto. (Wait, not you, dear readers. Hey, we didn't just make ourselves accomplices to murder, did we?)
The episode begins with Dex and Rita working on a guest list for the wedding. And all he's got on his list is his sister. He adds a few extra folks, but he is not a natural this marrying stuff. Miguel Prado comes into the station, and he and La Guerta negotiate a deal where Ramon Prado gets off on the kidnapping, false imprisonment, and torture charges if he just fiiles for early retirement and turns in his gun and badge. We find out Anton, Deb's CI, is going to be used as bait in the "Skinner" murder investigation. But she kinda likes him! She's getting all emotionally tied in a knot again - when she goes to visit the mother of the recently skinned 15-year-old Wendell Holmes, his mother blames her for her son's death because she talked to Wendell when she was asked not to. That can't feel good.
There's a new homicide, and everyone knows whodunit - some guy named Albert Chung, whose Asiannness doesn't make Masuka too proud. Dex discusses Chung with Miguel, and Miguel says he wants Chung's DA, his archnemesis Ellen Wolf, killed. Whoa, cowboy! This so doesn't fit with Dexter's code.
Meanwhile, Dexter's dying friend Camilla is upset she's still alive, and apparently her tumor has slowed, so she's got another month. She asks Dexter to please kill her, which also doesn't fit the code. Wow, he's getting all kinds of requests all of the sudden. Do you murder at birthday parties? Bar mitzvahs?
And now the Dynasty stuff. Deb goes up to her CI Anton, tells him to clear out of town, that he's being used as bait. Oooh, she breaking a lot o' rules, 'cause she likes him. Sil Prado is complaining about her husband Miguel to Rita - she thinks he's having an affair. Batista keeps trying to court this detective Gina, but she's resisting his charms, saying she just wants to be friends. Until he says some line about just wanting to be around her, and she kisses him. Deathbed Camilla tells Dexter she knows Brian Moser - the Ice Truck Killer - was his brother. We told you, Dynasty. Maybe Knots Landing.
Ellen Wolf squares off in the police station with Miguel Prado, who wants to show Dexter what an evil bitch she is. But all Dexter sees is Wolf doing her job well. Yuki comes up to Deb, mad because Deb told Quinn she was being asked to inform. Yuki says "A cop's dead because Quinn cut corners. Next dead cop's on you." Damn, this is a lot of guilt for Deborah Morgan this episode.
Dexter tells Miguel he can't kill Ellen Wolf, and Miguel screams "Fuck you! She's fucking with my life!" Dex gets pissed off and splits. It crosses the mind that while Ellen Wolf doesn't fit the code, Miguel Prado might - after all, he's already orchestrated the murder of one guy. Hmmmmm....could a good friendship come to that?
Deb figures out that the "Skinner" is using tree trimming as a cover for the killing, which he's doing with tree trimming equipment. (Why the male pronoun? Because except for Eileen Wournous/Charlize Theron, women don't do this crazy-ass shit.) Deb goes to visit the home of Anton, her CI. He's still there. He says "I'll be your bait." They kiss. Jennifer Carpenter is extremely hot, but "I'll be your bait" for the serial killer hot? Dude, rethink that.
Ellen Wolf cooperates with La Guerta to get this Albert Chung into custody, Miguel Prado realizes maybe she doesn't deserve to be killed after all. Oops, my bad. Take back that fuck you, murder her stuff. Got carried away. He apologizes to Dexter, calls him a good friend. Dex asks Miguel to be his best man. Then he goes to visit Camilla, and puts sodium pentathol in her key lime pie to kill her, and feeds it to her. Ah, so that's what all that key lime pie stuff was about. As she's preparing to leave this earthly plane, he tells her he killed his brother, the Ice Truck Killer. And he goes into some solliloquy about how usually when he kills people they beg for mercy - but "this is mercy." Well, that's good and sentimental. Next time tell me when I'm about to watch a soap opera, so I make sure to bring the hankies.
-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights