So when last we left these Beverly Hills kids, Naomi had just caught Ethan and Annie making out in a classroom during free period. Okay, we get it. That was a bummer. But we're not sure it justifies Naomi doing this weird, slow, terrified walk through the hallways that's vaguely reminiscent of that scene from 28 Days Later when Cillian Murphy thinks he's the only man left alive in the city of London. Again, overactor's anonymous wouldn't be the wrong choice for Naomi. Turns out the last-woman-among-the-zombies face is meant to convey paranoia that everyone is talking about Ethan and Annie's hookup, but in reality the halls are actually buzzing over a Gossip Girl style text that George sent breaking the news about Kim and Ryan.
Having banished Ryan on a forced leave of absence, Harry has no choice but to take over his classes, and for the record, he's remarkably cool about Annie breezing in late and acting bratty.
Meanwhile, Kelly's back from her visit with Dylan, which apparently did not go well. Kelly seems to think it will be okay to just hop back in the saddle again with Ryan, but she's stopped cold in her tracks by the Ryan-took-a-student's-virginity rumors. Kelly confronts Ryan in the parking lot, and then gets huffy when he won't tell her anything, which we think is kind of ridiculous since she went running off to Dylan two weeks ago.
Anyway, Annie's gearing up for her sweet sixteen party, but before she can pull out the party favors, she has to break the Ethan news to Naomi so she can party hard with a clear conscience. Unfortunately, Naomi has her own plans for Annie that inexplicably include pouring on the guilt and making it impossible for her to come clean -- also texting Annie's ex-boyfriend, Jason, inviting him to the party and paying for his ticket to LA. We're just going to say it. We're kind of impressed with Naomi's underhanded cruelty. Also her delivery of the show's most antiquated sentiment to date: "Your sweet sixteen is the most important day of your life, second only to your wedding day of course, and no girl should spend that day without a man by her side." Wow.
Meanwhile, Kelly's on the warpath to find out the truth about Ryan. Her tactics include being UNBELIEVABLY inappropriate with Kim, bullying her to admit to lying about Ryan's actions because he either gave her a bad grade or didn't return her crush. Get it together, Kel. We kind of started to hate you in this scene.
DDG and Navid are officially an "us." And, OMG, Navid is a virgin. At least we think so, why else would he be so weird about DDG bringing the sexy? DDG shows up at Navid's house (which would better be described as a palace) unannounced, and Navid is forced to introduce her to his big fat Persian family. Despite Navid's extreme embarassment, everything seems to be going awesome until his mom brings up DDG's stint in rehab. Awkward. DDG's surprises us with her grace under pressure -- maybe we'll actually start using her real name.
Sidenote: somewhere in here, Kim makes a big drug bust, which we assume gets her one step closer to setting the record straight about Ryan's slandered reputation.
Naomi plans the most painful dinner in history in order to introduce Jason to all their friends and torture Ethan. Predictably, Jason wants to reunite with Annie and tries to seal the deal with a kiss. Thankfully, the birthday girl manages to lay down the law without actually telling Jason the truth, but manages to piss off a weirdly territorial Ethan in the process.
Back at school, DDG's trying to heat things up with Navid who's being cagey because...he's a virgin. We so knew it. As it happens, DDG's kind of into it, and we're taken aback by their unexpectedly strong chemistry.
Even though Kim's closed the deal on the West Beverly drug dealers, Ryan's still headed out of town. We think. Although frankly, the whole thing's vague.
On to the party: Jason's gives a somewhat awkward toast, and Grandma Wilson serenades us with a rousing rendition of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Annie's not really enjoying the festivities until Ethan shows up with a wrapped present and an apology. With all the public making out going on, you wonder why Annie and Ethan are talking such a big game about secrecy. Naomi forces Jason to spy on Annie and Ethan and then convinces him that responding in kind is the best revenge. Ethan and Annie walk in on the Naomi-Jason hookup and look a lot more hurt than anyone in this room has a right too. There's some weird, tearful hugging and crying in the hallway between Jason and Annie before he has to leave for the airport. Annie orders Naomi outside for a showdown at the OK karaoke bar, but before they can really get the engines firing, Harry and Mrs. Clark's long lost son shows up at the bottom of the steps wearing what seems like some sort of military uniform.
On the plus side, Brenda's back next week.