So the other day we were writing about The Celebrity Apprentice new 2-hour format, and that got us thinking about the Apprentice in general. (Yes, occasionally we write before we think.) In its original 1 hour format, The Apprentice, from, say, minutes 1 through 58, was okay television. Pretty competitive, and sometimes gave us a glance into what works and doesn't work in business. But it could also be dull, and contrived in the worst reality show ways. But then, at the end, there was Trump, with those beady eyes and that thing on his head, doing whatever that is he does with his fingers, and sneering "You're fired." And that made everything else worth it.
Make no mistake, "You're fired" is brilliant. The Apprentice franchise still exists because of "you're fired." Loaded Gun did a rundown of elimination phrases that have tried to capture some of the "you're fired" magic, and none of them even come close. So here's the question. Why is "you're fired" so good? We will attempt to answer.
1) Directness. Is there any phrase more cruelly direct than "you're fired", except maybe "I don't love you anymore"? "You're fired" is a ginsu knife, and the person being fired is a tin can. "You're fired" is such a soul-eviscerating phrase that people who are actually firing other people almost always avoid using it, which occasionally leads to the demoralizing question "am I being fired?"
2) Relatability. If the viewers of The Apprentice haven't been fired themselves, it's certainly occurred to them that they could be. A big part of "reality" shows is relating to the contestants. Being "fired" is instantly relatable, in a way that handing in your giant clock to Flavor Flav isn't. It doesn't even matter at all that "you're fired" doesn't make sense, since Trump never hired that person in the first place. Which brings us to Trump.
3) The Messenger. Arrogant, bombastic, mean Donald Trump is the perfect person to say "you're fired," in a way that confident, inspiring Barack Obama was the perfect person to say "Yes, We Can." Dennis Kucinich says "Yes, We Can," and you laugh at the corny little guy. Trump seems like he lives "you're fired" - when the cameras stop rolling, he probably goes back to Trump Enterprises and says it to the secretary, just for fun. When Trump says "you're fired," you can tell most of the people he fired want to reach across the boardroom table, grab him by the combover, and bash his big snarky face in. That's certainly how we would feel. But if lovely Heidi Klum told us "you're out" after our jumpsuit wasn't jumpy enough, or stunning Padma Lakshmi said "please pack your knives and go" after our souffle got performance anxiety and didn't rise, we'd probably just think well, at least she's talking to us.