Before I Forget!
10/29/2007 5:47:48 PM
I know this is old meme because it came out last week, but whateva, I'll do what I want! I run with gangs and commit hate crimes, so re-posting an old meme don't even bother me.
N-e-wayz, that chick who played Topanga from mid-90's classic Boy Meets World (which, btw, is totes the Wonder Years for Generation MySpace) dated Lance Bass back in the day! Before he, uh, came out. So Lance and 'Panga went on Tyra the other day to re-count their "copulation" -- or lack thereof. Tyra's all creepy and weird but the segment turns out sweet:
Happy Monday, y'all! May each and every one of you have heartwarming stories to share on ex-supermodel's vanity talk show projects.
--JGH
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...And the shameless self-promotion continues!
10/29/2007 4:10:09 PM
...First Jennifer, and now me. Well. I'll be at the New Orleans Book Fair on Saturday, November 10th. (Visit www.nolabookfair.com for more info. And no, we're not on the official list of people, 'cause I signed up late.) Anyway, I'll be selling copies of issue one and two of my awesome 'zine, "Nostalgia: the magazine for lame hipsters" -- also known as "NTMFLH"; accent on the "L" for those of you who wanna say it out loud ...Enteemeffelatch.
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| Issue one. (Sadly mislabled as issue two.) |
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| Issue two. (Not labeled at all! Cover art by Carrie Christian: https://docsgallery.com/artists/christian03.htm) |
So, I'll be selling 'zines, and my best friend Tiffany will be selling cupcakes for no particular reason. Come and check us out, y'all! ...First one hundred female customers get a free autograph on their cleavage! Nah, I'm just kidding! All customers get a free autograph on their cleavage.
...Anyway, I'm sure I'll find an excuse to remind you of this again, as the actual day approaches.
And here's a depressing Death Cab for Cutie song for no particular reason. Well. The actual reason is that my editor gets mad at me if I publish a blog without a video. ...What? You still want a reason? Well, this song also helps to hint at the absolute emo-sad-funny-awesomeness of my 'zine. So. There you go.
coming next: I don't know. But below this one is a blog about "G.I. Joe," plus a million blogs by Jessica!
--Oliver
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All my childhood dreams are coming true...
10/29/2007 3:30:00 PM
Aaah! I can hardly breathe! Click on the link below!
A live-action "G.I. Joe" movie is in production.
...But wait. Do you not even know what G.I. Joe is? Dude, come on now! Throw me a bone.
I would now like to list the most exciting/important events of my lifetime in a Top Three:
1) The invention of the internet.
2) Girls deciding to dress like hookers all the time for some reason. (This category includes the development of the thong, back tattoos, midriff-baring shirts, and high-heeled shoes worn to class.)
3) The upcoming live-action G.I. Joe movie.
...Does anyone else play that "How much would you pay for [blank]" game? I think that I would pay up to one hundred dollars to see this movie. And I'm a broke law student, so that means a lot, coming from me.
Additional exciting information about the film. Though originally G.I. Joe was an all-American task force based out of New Jersey (I kid you not), in the new movie, they will be an international team... of people who have jetpacks and shoot laser beams.
Here's some additional info from Salon.com: "G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."
Huh. It's almost as if, in the current political climate, Hollywood didn't like the idea of a movie about an American strikeforce intervening against global terrorism on a massive and destructive scale. Weird!
...And apparently conservative bloggers are pissed off that G.I. Joe is no longer American. Seriously. They're actually pissed off about this. Their panties are in a knot. Conversative bloggers; they're so cute!
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ANY-way... here's the intro to the previous cartoon movie from 1987, starring Don Johnson! If the new movie is only 1/500th as awesome as this, then we'll be set:
And here's a link to a previous column that I wrote about G.I. Joe for the video blog. (Click and scroll down.) Note that I used the very same video for that column. Why did I do that? Because I am lazy. Because I am lazy.
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And now...
AN OPEN LETTER TO PARAMOUNT FILMS AND THE DIRECTOR OF THE UPCOMING LIVE-ACTION "G.I. JOE" FILM
Dear Sirs/Madams:
Please please please cast me as the evil ninja "Storm Shadow" in the upcoming "G.I. Joe" motion picture. Here are some reasons why you should do so.
1) I already dress up as "Storm Shadow" for every Halloween, so I've totally got the costume down.
2) Storm Shadow wears a mask, so you won't be able to see my face, which means no one will notice that I'm not Japanese.
3) Storm Shadow never speaks, so, ditto.
4) You can totally use a stunt double for the action scenes. Viz number two, above.
5) I already have Storm Shadow's tattoo! Seriously. I have it. This tattoo. It's on my arm and everything:
For real! I am the only person in the world with a huge arm tattoo devoted to a fictional toy ninja. And I have to explain this tattoo to people all of the time, thereby providing residual advertising for the "G.I. Joe" brand of products. (Although, to be honest, if a cute girl asks me about the tattoo, I just say, "It's Japanese, baby. I'll tell you about it... some other time."
6) That is all.
Looking forward to hearing back from you. Yours in the upcoming movie. Yo, Joe!
Sincerely, etc...
Oliver Miller
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| I also used to have all of the G.I. Joe comic books. They were all destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. I don't want to talk about it. |
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Afternoon Funny: The PUPPET RAPIST
10/29/2007 2:52:36 PM
Comic viral video house Waverly Films just debuted the second episode of their new series, THE PUPPET RAPIST. Puppet rape is no joke! Just ask Kermit the Frog after a bender with Piggy. That bacon smell, it is hard to wash off!
Is it just me, or are puppet STDs old meme? Chapelle's Show did this, like, three years ago! Whatevs, fuzzy creatures with sexual diseases = INSTANT FUNNY.
--JGH
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Belanova Bailas Into My Heart
10/29/2007 2:47:09 PM
Mexican synth-pop group Belanova is so very Aqua, and I'm digging it! Check their latest acid trip video, which feels like Kylie Minogue and The Scissor Sisters with a touch of picante sauce:
I'm loving this return to shiny happy pop. Early 2003 Hot Topic-styled bands like Evanescence pale in comparison! Out with the depressing, in with the Belanova.
--JGH
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Owen Wilson -- Boring? Or Bangin'?
10/29/2007 1:21:40 PM
In case you missed it, Darjeeling Limited darling Owen Wilson sat down with director Wes Anderson this weekend! I'm rooting for this kid post-suicide-attempt, but he looks mighty tired, unfortch:
Who cares about Darjeeling? I wish the Butterscotch Stallion would address his mental illness! It would bring much-needed attention to how stigmatized depression still is in our society. But some would argue that he deserves his privacy, we should respect him, blah blah blah. What do you think?
In any case -- get well, Owen! And Wes, make some better movies soon, k thnx.
--JGH
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Jenny P. Goes to Washington
10/29/2007 1:19:12 PM
Check out our own Jennifer Prediger…as actress and sly social satirist. In “Goodbye Bushies” Jenny P. travels to D.C. and tries to get the masses to sign goodbye cards for George Bush, Karl Rove, and Alberto Gonzales.
Check out the link, and the video above which shows her early work for the Hooksexup Video blog…don’t you just love her pussy?
–N.A.
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Keeping Up With the (Krazy) Kardashians
10/29/2007 1:15:16 PM
Remember when we featured Kim Kardashian's 9 year old little sister slidin' up and down a pole for reality TV? This time it's even worse! This time, bro Brody Jenner tapes the tots pretending they're on Girls Gone Wild.
I'm not even making this up:
Anyone else reminded of the "Cool Mom" scene from Mean Girls? Shades of Regina George's little sister! Crap, Rick Solomon might as well adopt these kids.
ETA: Speaking of bad porno -- ONTD has pics up of Kim K in Playboy. Guess skin mags are into ass implants now!
--JGH
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Holy Football, Batman
10/29/2007 1:05:46 PM
I’m not a huge sports fan, but this clip is amazing. Trinity University of San Antonio wins 24-22 over Millsap…after about 15 laterals all over the field. Kind of like watching your little brother’s elementary school league…only I’m sure these dudes celebrated with keggers ’n’ girls. Check out the celebrating fans. All 14 of them.
Thanks to Deadspin for the clip.
–N.A.
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Gimme More... Of This Chica!
10/27/2007 3:02:42 PM
Reminiscent of Alanis' "My Humps" cover, YouTube user MarieDigby does an amazing acoustic remake of "Gimme More." Check it:
Who knew Britney could sound so... deep?
--JGH
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