Hooksexup Insider

I used to do voiceover work…and you know what? This is totally true. Much like in life, a smile can change everything:

What's the best way to sound sexy on the phone?
You know how you can hear it when a person is smiling? It literally changes the tone of your voice. You use different muscles. Same goes for posture. Lie down, turn the lights low and voila.

As can lying down and turning off the lights. Check out more Dating Advice From…Voiceover Artists right here.

Will the Wii Fit replace my beloved yoga teacher Janice? Can a video game help you lose weight and work on your abs? Check out 61 Frames Per Second’s first review of Nintendo’s Wii Fit. We can’t wait to see John Constantine try it.

John, we want pictures of you doing the downward dog…

Wanna be a hero…or just get to know one? The Modern Materialist shows you how: check out how you get close, really close, to Heroes’ hottie Hayden Panetierre. Or, you know, wear her used clothes…

Also check out:
The $58,000 Personal Helicopter: wear a helmet!
The incredible, edible, chocolate…anus. No need to wear a helmet...

 

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This week, Miss Info cracks open a pint of Ben & Jerry's for a recently dumped reader in need of some comfort. First she offers a disclaimer:

How do I get over a heartbreak? Poorly. Same as everybody else.

But she's also got some useful tips:

I guess one thing I consistently do that I haven't observed in everybody else — or at least a good number of people who write me letters — is that I don't have a lot of contact with my exes. Interacting with them right after the breakup is bad news, I've found. It always inflicts pain on one or more parties. When it doesn't, it's a temporary sort of pleasure that you have regrets about the next morning, week, etc. as the complications set in. Like eating McDonald's.

Read the whole column here, you poor lovelorn sods.

Just in time for summer:

“I've really never been into giving blow jobs before but...I'm saving the last popsicle in my freezer so that when you get here I can rub it on your dick and then lick all the melty sweet yumminess. I got it bad for you.”

Do you like to play with food? Give us the dish in the Hooksexup Dating Confessions.

 

 

 

Every once in a while, you stumble upon a piece of writing that makes you feel like maybe your desires are a little more legit than you’d felt before. In his essay “Brave New World,” Mike Albo explores the idea of gender monogamy, a sexual utopia in which he can have a long-term partnership with a man who is free to sleep with women on the side. I think it’s important to explore the limitations of our self-definition; even though it’s tempting to define your desires, is it keeping you from getting what you want? Approaching the topic with candor, wit and mathematical equations, Albo has touched on the kind of relationship I’ve been looking for my entire life...

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Not having seen the movie, I’m not sure what exactly “hot tamales” refers to. Though it could definitely be actress Diora Baird’s stupendous lady-humps. I’m not sure appearing as a nice set of breasts in The Wedding Crashers constitutes a break-out role, but she had her moment with a Wilson brother. After that came 2006’s Hot Tamales, opposite Tori’s brother, Randy Spelling.

This roll-in-the-hay scene features the best line I’ve ever heard, if (a) one of you happens to be wearing camouflage underwear and if (b) the other one of you happens to be veteran…

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What’s the word on the bloggin’ streets? Scanner brings the news, and the crazy:

Best. Mugshots. Ever. (Take note: best not to wear your “I love midget porn” T-shirt over the long weekend, no?)
Lil Wayne has been reading Mayan prophecies: check out what he’s learned.
Two celebs we haven’t heard from in awhile suck face in public.
If you look closely, you can see Angelina Jolie’s nipples. For reals.
Penthouse owns online Christian dating sites. Also for reals.
Meet the new DC Comics character, Shy Crazy Lolita Canary.
Guess which Star Trek star will take advantage of California’s new gay marriage law? Live long and prosper!

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Today’s Q&A with dandy Sebastian Horsley will rock your world. Ever had your girlfriend hide in a cupboard to spy on you having sex? Ever fall truly, madly, deeply in love with a prostitute? Ever been deported from the U.S. for “moral turpitude”? Didn’t think so. But Horsley has. Hooksexup’ own Alexandra Godfrey dishes on what it’s like have your socks charmed off by a natural-born dandy:

“Alexandraaaah,” he breathed into the phone, in all of his seductive, British glory.

“Oh” I said, taken aback. I hadn’t even announced myself. “I love my name in a British accent.”

“Do you, darling? Well then, I shall say it over and over again throughout our whole interview! Alexandraalexandraalexandra.”

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I admit it: I’m a Gossip Girl junkie. I didn’t want to love the show, but Blaire’s gorgeous extensions and all the drama pulled me in. But come Fall, will Blaire et al. have a run for their (old) money? Here’s a first look at the new (improved?) 90210…

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I got my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. It lasted one month, and the month happened to be February. So for Valentines Day he gave me a small stuffed Grateful Dead dancing bear from the head shop he hung out at, and a butterfly necklace from Claire’s that broke the next day. Just like Carrie Hill Wilner, ten years later I still don’t know what exactly makes a boyfriend, but I do know that somewhere in between Meg Ryan movies and popping the big question, we do get some pretty great stories out of these guys…

Check out Carrie Hill Wilner’s “About Last Night…The Boyfriend” and follow her deceptively endearing journey to discovering that sometimes wanting that “confusing horrible freak-out sex” can really be quite comforting… — Alexandra Godfrey

Feeling vulnerable? Check out our horoscopes: 

Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
You may have a reputation for being as emotionally sturdy as baby seals are adorable (read: very), but don't let maintaining your street cred get in the way of maintaining your mental health. Because much like those fuzzy, big-eyed baby creatures, you need a little protection now and then from the brutal world of capitalism, interpersonal relationships and murderous roving walruses.

Not a Taurus? Click here for your horoscope.

To continue on the theme of rainy day music (and to wallow in the melancholy of my last week as Hooksexup Intern Caitlin… sigh), here’s one of my favorite songs by The Pogues, “Rainy Night in Soho.” Because, yes, we’re in Soho. Yes, it looks like it might rain any minute. And who doesn’t love some sad romantic Irish punk on a chilly day like this? Anyway. If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying into my whisky underneath the pool table. 

— Caitlin MacRae

We’re as excited as the chick in the clip above: the Season 3 premiere of Joe Swanberg’s Young American Bodies series is coming May 28! If you haven’t had the extreme pleasure, you can watch Season 1 and Season 2 here. And from the above promo, this season looks better than ever…

 

Have you ever dated an artist? However close and loving your relationship might be, it’s always startling to see yourself reflected in their work. Ryan Britt discovered this when he became his girlfriend’s muse:

He's really thin. He's naked. He's two-dimensional. If it weren't for the fact that he's lacking a head, he would be six-foot-one. My height. He looks just like me.
My girlfriend, Gabriela, takes a drag of her cigarette, blows the smoke across her Greenpoint studio, turns to look at the real Ryan and asks,
"Do you like it?"
"It looks like me," I say. But I'm lying just a little bit, because while this painting — entitled "White Bread" — has my chest, arms, legs and neck, his penis is bigger than mine.

The joy, the pain, the sex, the Star Trek: read the entire essay, here.

Sometimes you just need a little equal-opportunity full-frontal nudity, arty sex, and French-tinged voiceovers. You’ll get all that and more in this sexy clip from 1996’s The Pillow Book, starring the gorgeous Vivian Wu. Anyone in the mood for a roll  in the...paper?

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What to do if you’re not feeling naughty enough? Siege knows: bathe yourself in raunchy red light, of course. Check out Siege’s late night at NYC burlesque bar, The Box, in all it’s red-lit glory. Afterwards, make sure to get up close and personal with blonde bombshell Anna. Who knew balance acts could be so beautiful? And if you want to get really, really up close, check this one out.

Don’t let Autumn’s grumpy little Paula make you grumpy (although we’re pretty sure she won’t)…ice cream is on the way! And she’s not just eating it in these deliciously drippy photos...

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Working here at the Hooksexup offices, I’ve found it’s completely natural to have sex on the brain pretty much always. When you spend your day figuring out the perfect words to parse the graphic, lovely photos from The Daily Siege, or mining the Hooksexup archives for steamy personal essays from years past, and when you are a sexually frustrated twenty-three year old, yes, you will spend much of your day thinking about boning.

But reading Betty Ross’s essay, Nocturnal Omissions, I felt a resonance different from the kind I get from reading hot fiction about gay sex. Because I don’t explicitly remember most of the sex I’ve had. I tend to chalk it up to having been drunk at the time...

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It’s rainy days like today that I enjoy listening to songs like this. Raindrops like tears, oppressive skies, and my clothes all wet and clingy — I can’t help but feel melancholy. Not in a completely bad way — if that makes any sense — because the water feels like a cleansing. It’s spring, pouring rain means new beginnings, and even if the water washes away something good…better things could always be waiting after the storm passes. This song is perfect for that, because  when caught in a storm, we never really know if we are falling or flying. — Alexandra Godfrey

Here’s “Falling or Flying,” live and gorgeous…

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This week’s Hooksexup Date is pretty much the happy ending to a Craigslist missed-connection fantasy. Photographer Tony Stamolis spotted the lovely Bobbi as she sat, waiting for friends to pick her up at a train station. Thankfully they were late…

How to get a pretty young thing to talk to you?
“You offered me caffeine and the prospect of $1 vinyl.”

Check out the Hooksexup Date here, and a sneak peek at some of the Hooksexup Premium shots, after the jump…

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“If any of us get laid tonight, it’s because of Eric Bana in Munich.”

So says Seth Rogen’s full-time slacker Ben Stone at the start of 2007’s Knocked Up, heralding a recent shift in the pop culture persona of the Chosen People from neurotic schlimazels of the Woody Allen variety to bad-ass playas like Bana. But, although the concept of “Jewish action star” is a relatively new phenomenon, film history is filled with tales of Hebrew heroes (and heavies), from ancient Egypt to modern Israel.

And thus, in tribute to the upcoming June 6th release of Adam Sandler’s meshuga Israeli commando/hair-stylist comedy You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, Screengrab is proud to present The Top 12 Tough Jews in Cinema!” — Andrew Osborne

 

Check out all the Hebrew Hammers, right here.

Scanner is serious about taking nominations for Scanner's Top 10 Hottest Women in the World. On Scanner Emily's list: “Jenny Lewis, Rilo Kiley frontwoman, child actor and even better solo artist.”

And it’s on! From ScarJo to Charlotte Rampling to…Faye Wong?...the noms are pouring in. Leave your brilliant suggestions in Scanner’s comments section. (I’m all for Thandie Newton. Even if she has gotten disturbingly skinny.)

And after you answer…Did you ever play the ol’ college game where people ask you to name, in your opinion, the hottest male and female celebrities?

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This list gives hope to the aspiring actors/writers/pop-star divas/presidential nominees in all of us… For example, what pre-fame struggling dancer “worked behind the counter at a Dunkin' Donuts in Times Square” and “was reportedly fired for squirting jelly on a customer”?

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"Has anyone hit on you yet?"
My brother asked me this a few months into my grieving. "No," I told him. "Of course not. I have widow cooties."

Today we’re proud to publish Susan Seligson’s personal essay, “Life After Death.” She took time to speak with us about the writing process, love, grief, sex — and what happens when you just want to get hit on, but all you receive are hugs. We'll turn it over to Susan:

“In the months following my husband¹s death, I couldn¹t write much. I resisted some friends’ well-meaning insistence that I write about what I was experiencing...

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I'm Not There is a sweet guy who has trouble coming during sex. He's looking for possible solutions, and a way to make his girlfriend feel less inadequate because of it. Miss Information has the cure, and after offering some physical tips, she's got ways to put the ladyfriend at ease:

I think it's less about words and more about grunts and moans. It should be really apparent that you're into the festivities. An orgasm is like a big wet sticky gold star for your partner. You need to give her a tangible substitute, whether it's compliments on her technique or a "OMG u R best FCK evr!" text message an hour after she drops you off.

Good advice? Weigh in after you check out the whole column here.

We love Autumn Sonnichsen, and her fabulous Hooksexup photoblog. Her blog is like an instant mental trip to Brazil, and a world made up of lazy mornings, week-long beach adventures, and wild city nights. Oh yes, and did I mention all the gorgeous naked women? (And sometimes, if we’re lucky, men.) Autumn’s work is also being featured in the summer issue of Nico, a gorgeous fashion/photography/art/design journal.

Here’s a sneak peek of some her delicious spread…

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Have you gotten your $600 “economic-stimulus” check from the government yet? When you do, the Modern Materialist has over six hundred great ways to spend it… Here’s a round-up of their latest treasures:
The Walk of Shame Kit: where was this when I was in college?! (Also helpful on the morning after: the universal shower diffuser.)
Faux sure: the electronic cigarette.
Pun Tiles: not actually puns, but really, really cool.
Hangover Helper Mints: “eliminates ass mouth.”

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There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. We all know this, logically speaking. But sexual fantasies very rarely have a logical component. Kevin Keck found this out the (very) hard way…

“When I was sixteen my mom confessed to me that she had a vibrator, which a friend had given to her, but which she never used. She just liked to keep it around ‘for laughs.’” Within a day I found the vibrator and immediately plunged it into my own ass while in a fit of vigorous masturbation...

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The latest Bachelor: London Calling “winner” Shayne Lamas got way more than just some big-ass bling and the pet name “Monkey”…

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Here is the inimitable sex scene featured on some posters for 1992’s Damage. The ever-lovely Juliette Binoche and the ever-gangly Jeremy Irons completely commit to making this on-screen copulation look as wild and writhing and boundary-less as good sex can be.

That, or they look like two pale nude stick-bugs goin’ at it near the bathroom door…

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