Halloween Can Be Sexy (Really)
10/31/2007 3:27:04 PM
Forget about sorostitutes dressed as sexy cops -- YouTube user Marina, a philologist/sexy librarian type, combines sex with savvy as she delves into the origin of words. It's hard to pay attention and not stare, but she's still pretty informative!
Her Halloween series is particularly sizzling! I'm simultaneously gaping at her cleavage, and learning. They should make this required viewing for junior high boys or something! That would get them into book learnin'.
I also love the way words flash on the screen, Sesame Street style. Marina should have her own "special neighborhood..."
Happy Slut-o-ween!
--JGH
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Oh, and Here's Something Really Scary
10/31/2007 3:07:58 PM
So, it's, like, Halloween-time, right? Yet nothing we've posted today has really been, you know, scary.
Until now! Enter, "Eat It, Lick It, Snort It, Fuck It," a techno interpretation of the now infamous Britney Spears quip.
Eat It, Lick It, Snort It, F--k It
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Brit-Brit? Now that's horrifying.
--JGH
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Charlie Brown, Great Pumpkin Really Affected Homosexuals
10/31/2007 3:03:24 PM
This re-dubbed version of Charlie Brown's "The Great Pumpkin" Halloween special = best thing ever! You know that's how Charles Schulz really wanted his characters to talk. I love how effete Charlie is. Perfect!
I used to believe in the Great Pumpkin! I bet he'd give out way better shiz than Santa. Down with Santa! Up with the Big Orange.
Also, does anyone else believe that Marci and Peppermint Pattie were big dykes? You know... mayb I shouldn't ask that question. There's probably porn of that on the Interwebs!
Happy Halloween, y'all!
--JGH
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Punkin’ Chunkin: Don’t Try This at Home
10/31/2007 1:11:52 PM
Some people have way too much time on their hands. Way too much time, and way too many pumpkins.
This results in your porno pumpkins, your “magic” self-carving pumpkins, your high-school-science-teacher-pumpkin-carving-with-chemicals, your paintball-gun pumpkin carving, high-pressure-water-hose pumpkin carving, even your reciprocating-saw pumpkin carving.
I could have presented you with videos featuring all of these, and more.
But only one video has this as the last line: “Dad, you’re on fire.”
Happy Halloween. –N.A.
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Happy Halloween, Everybody!
10/31/2007 11:27:06 AM
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The Invisible Man’s Tiki Lounge
10/31/2007 10:34:26 AM
Whenever there’s a big “dance party” holiday like Halloween or New Years approaching, I always overestimate the potential of the evening to break out into a sweaty riot. But you know what is almost as fun as humping a man-sized frog in your sexy nurse costume—watching little kids freak out and do the twist to the 5,6,7,8’s. Ghoul A Go-Go totally justifies what I’ve always believed—that being a first grader is exactly like being on all kinds of psychedelic drugs. Think about it.
--Lauren Belski
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Bill vs. Rosie - When Falafels Attack
10/30/2007 3:57:32 PM
Do you love to point and laugh at bigots and blowhards going at each other? Well, have I got a clip for you!
This weekend Bill O'Reilly sent his minions interns to ambush Rosie O. at her book signing, asking her if she still thought 9/11 "was an inside job." Rosie complains because she knows Billy Boy will edit her response. And he does! Check it:
Rosie has the full, unedited clip on her site. I love the truthiness of that gal!
I'm Team Rosie, just because I think she's one of the "lesbian gangs" that Bill O. is scared of, and that cracks my shit up! I hope she really does lead a lesbian gang soon. That would be wild. I'd join, just to get on Bill's bad side! Also, I bet I would get a cool bandanna. I love bandannas.
-JGH
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'Dem Wacky 80s Ads!
10/30/2007 1:47:02 PM
...It's a bunch of ads from 1982! With occasional commentary by me. Let's begin, shall we?
1982 ads -- number one:
"I get the eaties for my Wheaties?" We really didn't demand much from commercials or jingles back in the day, now did we? And is that... former 76ers center Darryl Dawkins -- also known as "Chocolate Thunder," also known as "Doctor Dunkenstein," also known as "The Man from Planet Love-tron" -- singing the jingle as well? I believe it is!
..."Look at me. Do you like what you see?" Well, I did, lady. Before you started with the attitude.
...I admire the use of the word "husky" in a commercial.
1982 ads -- number two:
Wang! Wang Net! ...Now, once you get one, you've got to put the time in and really learn how to use your Wang, if you know what I mean. ...And how did Wang not come to dominate the entire computer industry? Well, they started off strong, but then sales became sort of flaccid, if you know what I'm saying. Ah ha ha! Whoo!
...And... my god, that's Casey Kasem's voice! I love bland corporate slogans. "Here comes new! Here comes now! Here comes Ford!" must have replaced "We have cars! We have cars! We have cars!" as their official jingle.
1982 ads -- number three:
Waitaminute... Exxon used to make computers? That must've really worked out, until the computers got drunk and killed a bunch of seals. Yeah, that made no sense. I'm just basically typing whatever comes into my head at this point.
...Colt 45, Peggy Flemming... it is impossible to overstate how lame the 80s actually were. These things were exciting, back in the day. Seriously. There were only three TV channels, no internet, and no VCRs. You could plan your whole week around a televised Peggy Flemming Valentine's Day Special. I'm serious.
1982 ads -- number four:
"Michelob"... because you're a yuppie asshole who's going to lose it all in the stock market crash of 1989! I love the idea of buying a gigantic billboard to ask a girl out for a drink, though. If that actually happened to you as a girl, would you just move to a different town at that point, or actually hire a contract killer to "take out" your insane stalker, or what?
...Ahhhh, I miss those "Bird's Eye" commercials. I really do. Life moves at a different pace at Bird's Eye Village. It really does. Hey, kids, do you remember segregation? ...Bird's Eye Village does. ...And hey, they're really humoring Scottie the fire-house cook at the end there, aren't they? Good job, Scottie!
...Yes, it's a "Happy Days" promo! And I even remember this one! It's the one where the Lone Ranger comes to town! ...And coming up next, on "Three's Company," Jack says a bunch of double-entendres about cow udders, and then falls down! Yahoo!
1982 ads -- number five:
Holy crap, it's Rene Russo! And that mean bitch from "America's Top Model"!
..."Well frankly, dad, it's dog eat dog!" I think that the father here really hates his son and is disappointed in him. That's just the subliminal vibe that I get.
..."Space monsters?!" Was this a real show? I never saw it.
...Ads for really basic things like "Milk" or "Beef" or "Pork" always mystify me. Does anyone ever watch these and say to themselves... "Hey, you know what would be great tonight? A really basic food product!" Don't these things sort of already advertise themselves? It's like making an ad campaign for air. "AIR: BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCKING DIE."
By the way, you know what's not a good idea after a long bout of physical exertion? A big tall glass of milk. Bleeagh! "MILK: BECAUSE MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO BE BARFING SOON."
--Oliver
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Living at the Mall vs. “Chopping Mall”: Both Super-Sweet?
10/30/2007 11:15:03 AM
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When you were little, did you dream of getting locked in the library or shopping mall overnight? I did, even after I saw Chopping Mall. (Then I still wanted to spend the night at the mall…just not one patrolled by psychotic robot security guards with killer laser eyes.)
Apparently there are no robot security guards in Providence, Rhode Island. Thirty-six-year old Michael Townsend and seven of his artist friends built a 750-square foot secret apartment in a local mall. (And if you live in New York, you are now jealous.) They bought a door and lock at Home Depot, disguised the entrance as a utility door, then furnished the apartment with all the amenities you might find at a cinderblock frat house (though their PlayStation was stolen last spring).
And lived there for FOUR YEARS.
As CNN reports, “Townsend said plans to make the apartment ‘super-sweet’ with laminated wood flooring and other perks fell apart last week after he and a visiting artist from Hong Kong walked into the room and were greeted by three security guards. He pleaded no contest to a trespassing charge.”
See the deep and probing CNN interview with Townsend here, and see Townsend and his friends setting up their digs below:
Oh, and here’s a super-sweet clip from Chopping Mall:
–N.A.
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Before I Forget!
10/29/2007 5:47:48 PM
I know this is old meme because it came out last week, but whateva, I'll do what I want! I run with gangs and commit hate crimes, so re-posting an old meme don't even bother me.
N-e-wayz, that chick who played Topanga from mid-90's classic Boy Meets World (which, btw, is totes the Wonder Years for Generation MySpace) dated Lance Bass back in the day! Before he, uh, came out. So Lance and 'Panga went on Tyra the other day to re-count their "copulation" -- or lack thereof. Tyra's all creepy and weird but the segment turns out sweet:
Happy Monday, y'all! May each and every one of you have heartwarming stories to share on ex-supermodel's vanity talk show projects.
--JGH
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