Introducing... Hooksexup's Hollywood Sex Scene Database
12/6/2007 1:13:00 PM
Before jumping shark to Boston Law, James Spader (and his chest hair) had a prolific career portraying brooding, somewhat creepy, and almost always sexually-charged characters. From poofy-haired preppie Max in White Palace to licentious lawyer E. Edward Gray in Secretary, Spader has proven his cinematic manhood time and time again.
James Spader plays widower Max to Susan Sarandon's Nora, the classic sassy older waitress. But despite - or, perhaps, because of - lifestyle and age differences, Max and Nora have unbelievable heat between the sheets.
Fresh from the success of Stargate, Spader could have gone the action man route (ala, let's see, Kurt Russell). Instead, he followed it up with Cronenberg's car-crash-fetish flick. Although it may have put a kink in Spader's climb up the mainstream Hollywood ladder, it also made Spader a go-to guy for directors in need of the deviant lead.
As sadistic hitman Lee, Spader sports his signature black horn-rimmed glasses (now an hipster boy staple - coincidence?) and a mouthful of ice in this bedroom romp with pre-fame Charlize Theron.
Though Maggie Gyllenhaal (and her breasts) had the titular role, this surprisingly tender foray into S&M would have been pale vanilla without Spader playing the sexy, multifaceted and mysterious boss to Gyllenhaal’s secretary. Here, Spader finds a surprisingly willing victim, bending over his desk.
When Spader’s big bad bossman finally puts down his guard (and his whips, chains, dog collars, etc.) it results in this erotic scene…and the public’s first glimpse of Gyllenhaal’s knockers. Here Maggie’s character rambles on with all the questions that a girl can have float through her mind at inopportune times, and Spader knows just how to handle it. We get intimate kisses, his gorgeous full lips, and only Spader can make us want to laugh, cry (and come) simply by saying: “Des Moines, Iowa.”
— compiled by Nicole Ankwoski and Mandalee Meisner
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The Video Blog Throws Its Hat into the Ring.
12/6/2007 12:56:19 PM
...We here at the Hooksexup Video Blog are very pleased to throw our political hat into the, um, political ring, by endorsing Hooksexup's Presidental candidate for 2008! I mean, I haven't talked this over with anyone else at Hooksexup, but I'm sure they'll all be cool with it, am I right?
And here he is... Hooksexup's pick for the next President of These United States. Are you ready? Can you handle?
That's right, we've picked Barack Obama! Because he's awesome. And the above video is awesome. And frankly, he had us at "Audacity of Hope." Actually, he had us at "Dreams of My Father." But whatever.
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But what about Hillary Clinton, you say? Oh, ha ha. The Hooksexup Video Blog has never liked Hillary. And we like her even less now that she's attacking Obama for, um, an essay that he wrote in Kindergarten. Yes, to prove that Obama has been planning to run for President all along -- how dare he? --Hillary dug up an essay that Obama wrote when he was six years old. We haven't received word of Obama's response yet, but I'm guessing that it's something along the lines of "You're fucking kidding me, right?"
Luckily, in a stunning coincidence, the Video Blog has uncovered the following essay that Hillary wrote when she was six years old:
WHY I WAUNT TO BE PRESIDENT
by Hilly Rodham
I lik to be pResident because if i becam presidennT eye would give everywon free COOkies!
The endd
You read it here first, folks! Hillary is planning to plunge the nation even further into debt by distributing over 300 million free cookies, at a potential cost of billions of dollars! Out-fucking-rageous! No word yet from the Clinton campaign on what type of cookies they would be. Inexpensive animal crackers? Doubtful. Knowing Hillary's liberal tendencies towards excessive spending, they'll probably be really fucking expensive cookies. Like Mallomars. Or Pecan Sandies. Or those fancy delicate foreign wafer cookies that come wrapped in their own special wax paper. Outrageous!
Anyway. The Hooksexup Video Blog pledges to stay with this story as long as is neccessary.
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On a final note, Hooksexup has obtained breaking new raw footage from the Clinton presidential campaign. And here it is:
Oh, no. Sorry. That's just random grainy footage from the movie "Aliens." My bad. Let's try again.
Whoops.
Hey, it's those alien Yip-Yip creatures!
"Terminator 2"? What th'?
Man, I could do this forever. Anyway, um, we'll keep looking for that footage. In the meantime, we kind of don't like Hillary Clinton.
Anyhow, we strongly urge you to vote Barack Obama in 2008! And, um, I apologize for this blog. I was kind of stoned when I wrote it, which is why it barely makes any sense. Um. Yeah. ...So, you should have probably skipped this, and just read Nicole and Mandalee's blog below this one, which has the advantage of being coherent, at least. I probably should have mentioned that earlier. My bad.
Update: Hooksexup decided to put the non-stoned blog above this here stoned blog. Good decision, Hooksexup!
--Oliver
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Wii Would Like to Play…
12/5/2007 12:05:35 PM
So, some crazy Brits have improved upon the Nintendo Wii. How, you ask? What could possibly be better than inviting all your friends over to play Wii/potentially injure themselves (and others) during the Bowling game? (I’m just saying…those controllers are slippery little suckers.)
This is how: cute, topless girls playing unidentified Wii games…you simply are forced to watch the entire clip, in order to figure our which game they are playing.
I’m glad these ladies can handle this. Because, seriously, if I were as greased up as these lasses and their breasts are, I would totally have thrown the Wii through the television screen. This is why no one asked me to star in these videos. This is the only reason why.
Be forewarned…these clips aren’t safe for work. Unless, of course, you work at Hooksexup.
Image and slight feeling of inadequacy courtesy of Gizmodo.
–N.A.
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More Fun with "Star Wars."
12/4/2007 2:47:49 PM
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Hot!
12/4/2007 2:24:39 PM
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I have no excuse for posting the below video and I apologize. I just think that the French girl in it is hot. In fact, I believe the title that got me to click on this video in the first place was something like "HOTT FRENCH CHICK!!!"
Anyway, the hot French chick's name, apparently, is Alizée, which is also the name of an inexpensive yet delicious fruit-flavored wine cooler drink that I used to buy when I was an eighteen year-old loser in college.
So below is Alizée singing "La Isla Bonita," which I've always felt was a highly underrated Madonna song. Of course, I've also always felt that "Who's That Girl?" was a highly underrated Madonna song, which probably just proves that I'm an idiot.
Another thing that might be happening is that I've been studying 16 hours a day for law school finals, so I might just be going crazy and posting entirely random videos. That's also a possibility.
...And here's some fun facts about Alizée from Wikipedia, the internet encyclopedia. She's orginally from Corsica, her name means "Trade Wind" in French... and... there are no other interesting facts about Alizée. Apparently she's not that interesting. But she is hot. So... enjoy! And also... à bientôt! Man, I love fucking diacritical marks, you know what I'm saying? No. You probably don't. Anyway, here's the goddamn video.
Alizée - "La Isla Bonita"
--Oliver
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Makeup
12/3/2007 3:02:35 PM
Howdy. To make up for the "Futurama" movie below being deleted, here's one of my favorite episodes, from Season Four. In which we learn that it is not a good idea to sleep with your own grandmother.
You know what's also not a good idea? Wasting time writing quasi-humorous video blog entries when you've got law school finals coming up in two days. And so I'm gonna go now. More later.
"Futurama" - Season Four - "Roswell That Ends Well":
--Oliver
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"24": The Unaired Pilot
12/1/2007 1:24:44 PM
Hey! ...It's the original unaired pilot of the TV show "24," produced back in 1994. Jack Bauer... saving the world one disarmed bomb at a time... and using AOL 3.0.
Thanks to Juliane for the link.
--Oliver
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Yay!
11/30/2007 2:02:11 PM
Woo hoo! After being cancelled for two years, my favorite TV show, Futurama, is a back, on DVD and on Comedy Central. Starring -- a bunch of people, plus Al Gore, Sarah Silverman, Mark Hamill, and Coolio! For real. Because you can't keep a good show down, bitches!
Here are the first twelve parts of the new movie/show. 20th Century Fox is probably freaking out and removing them from YouTube, even as we speak. Enjoy!
Update: Yeah, the movie was deleted from Youtube. Figures. Here's the trailer instead. Bleh.
--Oliver
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How We Go Out
11/30/2007 12:00:16 PM
The Midwest lady rapper I never knew about, Leslie Hall is an apparent webstar with a fondness for gold spandex jumpsuits and sparkly sweaters. When I first came upon her video for “How We Go Out” yesterday evening, I nearly had a heart attack. Filled with crazy-as-heck dance moves in typical suburban settings (inappropriate hip thrusts in the video store, for example), and lyrics like “we roll like a hummer or a full-size sedan.”
I have to admit…the video makes it difficult to look away. Hall is part of a musical group called Leslie and the LY’s and, according to an interview with Etsy, they “make outfits and then sing and dance about making outfits, being glamorous, and how if you wanna be a star you gotta go home and make your own clothes first.” Such efforts apparently lead to Hall dancing her gold-spandexed heart out in dance clubs, whilst surrounded by shirtless, scrawny boys. This upbeat tune has me all sorts of inspired to go home and make a sparkly tutu, and then go dance around the local Target, while shopping for stationery. Or something.
— Steph Auteri
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Vintage Daily Show
11/29/2007 4:06:08 PM
What with the writer's strike and such not, we're not getting any of that hot Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert action the way that we like. So I've been resorting to watching vintage "Daily Show" episodes online -- they have all 13,000 hours of the show available at www.thedailyshow.com. Which is good, in that it gives me my political satire fix. But which is bad, in that it gives me 13,000 hours of potential procrastinating to do
ANY-way, I've been using The Daily Show archive to take a little trip in the ol' wayback machine... all the way back to, say, November 7th, 2000. Do you remember what happened then? That was the day that a feisty little scamp named George W. Bush got elected President of these United States... sort of.
I remember where I was on November 7th, 2000. I was sitting in a bar in Bronxville, New York, with my friends Dan and Steve. We had planned on "having a few drinks" and watching the election returns. Nine hours later, we were all extremely drunk, and more than a little confused.
Anyway, here's some vintage Daily Show stuff. I love Jon Stewart's near nervous breakdown when he reports that only 225 votes separate the two candidates in Florida. I'm also fascinated by this view of vintage Al Gore, circa 2000. I have felt retroactively guilty ever since the election of 2000, because at the time, I was often heard to say stuff like, "Gore... Bush... Who gives a fuck? They're both the fucking same." Obviously, this was not the case. But the difference between 2007 Al Gore and 2000 Al Gore is simply staggering. Check out the below videos and gaze upon his lack of charisma! Marvel as he robotically mumbles his way through one of the greatest Constitutional crises of our time! Wonder if he even truly understands what the fuck is going on! And so forth...
So let's all ease back into our comfy chairs, and take a gander at the moment – taking place exactly seven years ago – when American history got f@#ked up real bad.
November 7th, 2000 - 10:00pm
November 7th - 10:02pm - Electoral Update
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