"WORD OF THE DAY" - Emetic - a substance used to induce vomiting
3/29/2007 5:40:00 PM
Welcome to the "WORD OF THE DAY". My beloved fellow blogger and new bff Oliver had this idea to occasionally incorporate a "WORD OF THE DAY" into our bloggerhood.
It is in honor of this grand idea that I submit today's word: Emetic - defined as a substance used to induce vomiting.
Now, this is a video blog. What does a WORD OF THE Day have to do with video, you might ask.
And the answer is nothing. This word has nothing to do with video. Until you combine the word with video and then you have this: The Video Emetic.
If you are bulimic, ill, bored, experiencing alcohol poisoning or poisoning of any kind - and looking for something to help you vomit besides ipecac or the old finger down the throat trick - then try this:
--Jennifer Prediger
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Solla Solla Enna Perumai
3/29/2007 1:31:00 PM
This may be the greatest thing I have ever seen:
"Solla Solla Enna Perumai":
…This here video was sent to me my by ex-girlfriend Allie. I like the video so much, I'm not even going to give Allie a hard time for dumping my lame ass. ...Allie, you are forgiven!
Anyway, apart from the fact that it's clearly Indian, and that my ex-girlfriend sent it to me, I know close to nothing about this video. According to the notes on Youtube.com, this clip, entitled "Solla Solla Enna Perumai," is from the 1981 movie "Ellam Inba Mayam" …which doesn't really help me out as much as you would think.
But the guy in the video is clearly the coolest person of all time. He's made a number of daring fashion decisions: full afro, mustache, and beard, shaded coke-bottle glasses, shirtless save for a vest, gold belt, gold boots… and yet, it all works! I'm not even being ironic here; in fact, I fully intend to grow a blond afro and buy the same outfit that he's wearing in the video. This guy is the coolest person of all time; he's like "Animal" from the Muppets, mixed with Gene Simmons, mixed with, oh, I don't know, Fred Astaire.
(Another thing that I like about this video; how the people at the party only sort of react to him. I mean, they're sort of bobbing their heads slightly, so it's not like they don't notice him or anything -- this isn't a dream sequence where the dancing isn't really happening -- but, you know, the party-goers are just kind of into it. Not hugely into it, but a little into it. He's dancing, he's shirtless, he's playing the saxophone, he's doing reverse one-story leaps onto a balcony… and meanwhile, everyone's half paying attention, half making small talk, and probably wondering who did the catering for the party. I like it!)
Anyway. So that's that. My guess as to what's actually going on in this video? "Animal" afro guy is in love with the girl in the yellow dress, but before he can get to her, he has to win over her wealthy and hard-to-impress father (the guy with the glasses and the cigarette holder). …And by the end of the video, his dancing, singing, and sax-playing is so impressive, that he succeeds.
That's my theory.
As for what "Solla Solla Enna Perumai" actually means, I feel strangely content about not knowing. ...But if one of you internet geeks/cool-cats wants to look it up and get back to me, that's cool too, for I am lazy about looking things up. Hopefully it doesn't mean "the streets will run red with the blood of the infidel," or anything like that.
--Oliver
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The Daily Round-Up -- now with 2% more jokes!
3/29/2007 12:01:00 PM
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Hello, and welcome once again to The Daily Round-Up, where we search though endless Youtube videos so that you don't have to. Think of it as being your online video Pu-Pu Platter, minus the Shrimp Toast, because Shrimp Toast is yucky.
So here we go again with five entirely random, yet still highly popular and relevant, internet videos:
1) ...Ah, "MacGruber." You jack-of-all trades, you Mr. Fix-It, you. So my friend Chris H. sent me this one. He works for SNL now. His office is right across from, whathersname's, the girl who does "Weekend Update" now. You'd think that I'd have a joke or at least a comment about that, but no, I don't. I love me some "Weekend Update," though. Although I still miss Norm MacDonald as the anchor. Where have you gone, Norm MacDonald? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you...
Anyway.
Saturday Night Live -- "MacGruber":
2) ...So my buddy Brian sent me this particular video. It's Episode Two of "Yacht Rock," the show about silky smooth 70s rock and the behind-the-music-stories, um, therein! And incidentally, coming in first on my list of "Hard Words to Spell"? The word "Yacht." I just misspelled it three different times while trying to type this. Yatch? Yacth? Yot? Whatever the fuck.
"Yacht Rock: Episode Two: Keep the Fire Burning"
3) This next video is entirely my own. I love this fucking song. It was my Myspace song for a while. (Which reminds me; do you want to be my Myspace.com buddy? Then I recommend that you go to: https://www.myspace.com/nostalgiamag.) Anyway, where was I? So yeah, The Cardigans. It's just a damn, damn shame that "LoveFool" is the only song that anyone knows by them. But they are so much, much more... Plus, I read somewhere that Nina Persson is obsessed with 1970s American-built wood-paneled station wagons. That factoid has nothing to do with anything, but, um, Nina, call me? ...Or come be my Myspace buddy. Whichever. It's wide open, baby.
The Cardigans: "I Need Some Fine Wine, and You, You Need to be Nicer":
4) So this video kind of terrifies and depresses me. Although not nearly so much as the video that comes after it. Anyway, if you'd care to read an essay debating the merits of Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty," feel free to go to: https://www.slate.com/id/2161163/
"Dove -- Evolution":
5) Speaking of terrifying and depressing... Oh god no. So, um, the original reason that I located this video was because I just read that the "Doomsday Clock" has recently been updated to "Five Minutes to Midnight," i.e., "Five Minutes Until We're All Gonna Die." My deeply considered reaction to this news is as follows: crap. Anyway, here, you can read more about the Doomsday Clock at the following website: https://www.thebulletin.org/minutes-to-midnight/timeline.html
Oh Lordy, we are all gonna die. I just know it. I just flashed back to middle school in 1984, when I would stay up watching the movie "The Morning After" until 2am and wonder if the world would stay un-blown-up long enough for me to get beaten up in high school.
...And here's J. Robert Oppenheimer, creator of the atomic bomb, speaking about... oh god, I can't even do it. It's too depressing. "Now I am become Death, destroyer of Worlds." Agh.
In Alamogordo, New Mexico, on July 16, 1945:
...So, um, anyway, always good to end on an upbeat note. So that's all for today. Shalom, my friends. Until we meet again...
--Oliver
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Bilkins and Friends
3/29/2007 10:41:00 AM
Whoops, I screwed up the video for my last blog. Well, here's an apology video.
So this one's a shorty, but you sort of have to wait for it to kick in.
Wait for it…
Wait for it...
(*p.s. My friend Stephanie says this video is only funny "when you're drunk." But I disagree. I think it works either way.)
--Oliver Miller
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Please Don’t Get Caught, Dear Streamer of Wonderful Copyrighted Content
3/29/2007 10:00:00 AM
One of the great tragedies of YouTube has been the cracking down on illegal uploads of copyrighted material. (Can you believe there’s some kind of uber-software that can detect copyrighted material?! The future is here.) Part of what was so wonderful about YouTube in its recent beginnings was getting to see all of that free and glorious copyrighted stuff.
We don’t want to watch someone legally petting their kitten. We want to watch ‘The Facts of Life’ and ‘Starship Troopers’ and every movie and television show we were too young to remember, too stoned to pay attention to, or too cheap to see in the theater. And we don’t want to pay that monthly Netflix bill! Bye bye red envelopes!
And so it is here - dear blog reader - a gem for you. If you do not already know about it, you will thank us for it and think of us fondly for days to come. It is a beautiful place where you can watch every South Park episode for free on-line - https://www.allsp.com/
Please don’t tell too many people though. We don’t want them to kill this Kenny.
(ouch.)
--Jennifer Prediger
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THE SONG GAME
3/29/2007 7:00:00 AM
...So there's a game that my best friend Tiffany and I play. The game itself is vaguely inspired by a comedy sketch that our friend Chris once did. And the game runs as follows:
1) Each person may select ten songs. The selection of the songs alternates -- so say, for example, I pick "Desire" by U2. Tiffany then gets to choose the next song; for example, "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie.
2) As each song is chosen, the person choosing must sing a short snippet of the song. So Tiffany, for example, would sing: "I still believe it's true/That there are roads left in both of our shoes/If the silence takes me/Then I hope it takes you too. Where SOU-LLL meets BOD-DDDY..."
3) This process continues until each player has selected ten songs.
4) The object of the game is to get a song stuck in the other person's head. Thus, it is recommended that players choose either: (A) Highly irritating/catchy songs, or (B) Songs that you know that the other player(s) really really like.
5) The first person to inadvertently sing a song chosen by another player is the loser! The person who picked the song that was inadvertently sung by the other player is the winner!
This is a process that can take minutes, hours, or even days. I once beat Tiffany in less than thirty seconds, as she inadvertently started singing "Sexy Back," by Justin Timberlake immediately after I chose that song. However, one game took an entire week to complete; I lost when I accidentally started singing "Freefallin'" by Tom Petty under my breath in a mall.
Though this game is fun in a basic Gotcha! type sense (the deep sense of satisfaction that you feel upon catching your friend singing a song that you planted in their brain days earlier is difficult to replicate on the written page) ...Though the game is fun in that sense, it is also fun in a philosophical sense as well. Which songs are most/least catchy? What horrifically bad song is your friend/loved one most likely to be caught humming, even though they don't want to be singing it at all. These are important questions, and "The Song Game" helps us all to answer them.
Past winners of the game have included...
"(Hit Me Baby) One More Time," by Britney Spears
"Wonderwall," by Oasis
"Under Pressure," by David Bowie
"The Rainbow Connection," by Kermit the Frog
"Jumpin' Jack Flash," by The Rolling Stones
"Landslide," by Fleetwood Mac
"Bye Bye Bye," by, um, 'NSYNC
Etc...
What do these songs have in common? Maybe everything. Maybe nothing. We know that they're catchy, and that's all that we know for sure. I leave it to the scholars and the historians of the future to figure the rest out.
Anyway, below, in video form, is the current title-holder; based upon actual game results -- the following song is the current world record-holder for "Song that is most fucking irritatingly impossible to get out of your head." Can you guess what it is? Try and guess before you play the video, and then see if you were right...
--Oliver Miller
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Getting Buff, Buffering and the YouTube Awards
3/28/2007 4:07:00 PM
Treadmills are a beautiful metaphor for a lot of life’s monotony. Oh, but not here.
This treadmill choreography is more than ok – it’s awesome and beautiful and dangerous. And YouTube has selected it as one of 2006’s best.
If you haven’t seen the winners yet, here you go - https://www.youtube.com/ytawards - these are all worth seeing – as they could enter into a pleasant dinner party conversation with people you are trying to impress, inspire you to try new exercises and/or make your own charming, award-winning videos.
--Jennifer Prediger
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The Future of Televisualization
3/28/2007 1:25:00 PM
I’m one of millions of American tele/videophiles who is permaglued to a laptop. What makes me unique is that I’ve yet to find the time to plug in my television set and wait during a random 4 hour window for some dude from Time Warner Cable who is supposed to show up at my door - but probably won’t - to get cable television installed.
And so I find this one question keeps playing itself over and over like a tape loop in my head. “When will my laptop become my TV?”
When, oh Christ, will this beautiful thing happen?!
I am tired of waiting. I know it’s only “a matter of time”. But I don’t have time. I’m missing shows right now! I want to be able to turn my computer on – and in my web browser, I want channels - real, live televisions channels. Not things I have to click on to make stream. Not videos I have to wait for to download and buffer. Oh no. Not even YouTube.
We, the viewers of America, want so much more. And we deserve it. We deserve to have television wherever we go. We deserve it at work. And on our phones. And up our butts and around the corner, if that’s where we want it.
I know you are already on-line – but in case you are still relying on your television – go and turn it off. Get up out of your chairs and go yell out your windows - “I’m Mad as Hell and I’m Not Going to Take it Anymore!” And when you’re done, come back to your computer, where television should be, and watch this:
You don’t have to take it anymore. Unless you want to “take it”, in which case please see embedded video here:
And though it is not the true webevision that awaits us in the future, you can now watch other networks on your computer.
Stream the TV shows!
ABC - https://dynamic.abc.go.com/streaming/landing/
CBS - https://www.cbs.com/innertube/player.php?cat=all&vid=&format=&auto=0
FOX - https://www.myspace.com/fox
NBC - https://www.nbc.com/Video/rewind/full_episodes/
Another notable on-line video ventures, not quite TV, yet bridging the gap between television and the internet and that have the potential to make us sit listlessly for minutes at a time watching and then voting – is Acceptable TV - https://acceptable.tv/. The site has a tie-in show with VH1 – and Jack Black and Channel 101. The series is a pile of three-minute shorts per episode. Some of the shorts are created by viewers – and some by Jack Black et al. Viewers vote. Some win. Some lose.
But really, we all win. We get that much closer to web = television = joy.
--Jennifer Prediger
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The Daily Round-Up: Youtube videos that don't suck.
3/28/2007 1:00:00 PM
In our new daily feature, we present to you: the most popular Youtube.com videos that don't completely suck. Because our culture has accelerated to such a point that the idea of you searching Youtube for them on your own seems laughable, even horse-and-buggy-esque--
1) In the opinion of this humble blogger, "Hillary Clinton as the 2008 Democratic Presidential Nominee" basically equals "John Kerry 2: Judgment Day." And here's a video that manages to both neatly express Hill's definitive suckiness, and also induces a little retro-80s Apple Mackintosh nostalgia. If you are now saying something like, "Apple Whatkintosh?" then I am probably too old to hang out with you.
"1984":
2) This ad straddles the "sexy/revolting" line like a finely honed Romanian gymnast. Who, incidentally, are often kind of sexy/revolting themselves. Anyway, apparently sex sells gum. Did you hear me? Sex sells gum!
Bubblelicious Ad:
3) In a world of less good "Simpsons" episodes, horrible Youtube videos that parody Japanese cartoons that I've never heard of (trust me, I've seen several thousand of them), bad SNL sketches, and all the rest... well, you can always count on "Family Guy." ..."'Family Guy': Like a Rock."*
(*And by "rock" I mean thing that is both consistently funny and always there.)
"Family Guy" – America’s Next Top Model:
4) Spiderman will have his black costume in the next movie! Plus, Venom will be in it! I can die a happy nerd-boy-man-child now.
"Spiderman 3" -- final trailer:
5) Despite this humble blogger's profound hatred of Scarlet Johansson (and that'll be the topic of a later blog, trust me) ...anyway, despite all that, I find this video to be strangely compellingly watchable, in a "Gee, I wish I was stoned right now" kind of way.
Scarlet Johansson – Speed Painting:
--Oliver Miller
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Retro Video Thingy Once Again -- "Swedish Gas Pump Girls"
3/28/2007 12:01:00 PM
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...Soooo, this is sort of a companion piece to the last blog that I did about 1970s porn. Unlike with the "Emanuelle" movies, I haven't seen this particular clip ever before. But good old Cinemax did used to play creepy 1970s Swedish porn movies at four in the morning, the same way that they would play creepy French porn as well. And this clip also provides a good example of the weirdly innocent, childlike dubbed voices that I was trying to discuss in my last blog.
The weird thing about Swedish porn movies was that they always tried to be funny. Which always freaked me out as a teenager watching them. Because… it seems to me that Swedish people aren't really funny. Which is a problem. Swedish humor apparently involves a lot of "Wah! Wah!" humorous sound effects, and speeded-up film, like in "Benny Hill" when people are running around a table at fifteen times normal speed.
Nowadays, I realize that it's okay to mix humor and joking around with sex. But as a tender thirteen year-old who had never actually had sex, I took the subject far far far too seriously, as virgins tend to do. ...Now, I realize that sex can be much more fun if you don't take it overly seriously. For example… I farted once while an old girlfriend was going down on me. Which was totally HILARIOUS. I mean, it killed the mood and everything, and she stopped going down on me, but it was still funny. I mean, I realize that fart jokes are not the height of comedic brilliance or anything like that, but, well... maybe you had to be there. I don't know.
And another time, I was fucking this girl, and she was capable of automatically making herself have a orgasm by strumming her clit with her fingertips for fifteen seconds – which, by the way, gave the task of making her come a difficulty level of, approximately, "zero" – and, anyway, so we were fucking this one time... and did you ever have sex where you ended up in a ridiculously impossible position where, like, your legs fell asleep and your shoulders are about to be dislocated from you body? Well, that's what happened. I was fucking her, and we ended up in some sort of bizarre position on the bed, where it was all I could do to brace myself with my arms, and keep from falling forward on top of her. I mean, I couldn't move AT ALL. My groin was asleep. My legs were asleep. My butt was asleep, if that's even possible.
But the girl had already started strumming her vagina, on her way to orgasm-land, and she was a loud one, so she was like: "YES! YES! Oliver! Keep... Fucking! Doing! That!"
But I couldn't move. It was all I could do to keep from collapsing forward on her face. And so I started cracking up. I said, "Keep... doing... fucking... what? Keep crouching here motionless while trying not to faint? Keep counting imaginary sheep in my head? What, baby? What? What is it that I'm doing that's making you so hot? Is it my ability to remain as motionless as a block of carved granite. Tell me!"
And, okay, granted, I mean, she was really mad at me for making fun of her, and we eventually broke up, but still, it was funny and it was worth it.
And so sex and humor can be mixed, I realize now. …But still, the important thing is that if you're going to take sex in a comedic direction, you have to actually, you know, BE FUNNY. Which the directors of Swedish porn do not seem to be capable of doing. And as an example, we have the following clip from the 1970s film "Swedish Gas Pump Girls," which no doubt deals with a number of important topics relating to the Swedish petrochemical industry during a time of spiraling gas prices and the emergence of OPEC as a player in the international petroleum scene. Plus, it has tits in it.
...Soooo, the clip itself is pretty self-explanatory, but I'd just like to state for the record that I can't really imagine anything grosser than a tiny miniature man climbing inside a young girl's vagina. I don't even have a joke here. I just really really can't imagine anything grosser than this. Plus, I'm not totally clear on how female biology works or anything like that, but wouldn't the guy's miniature head be dissolved by the girl's stomach acid, or something like that? Anyway. I don't even want to talk about this any more.
Scene from "Swedish Gas Pump Girls":
--Oliver Miller
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