61 Frames Per Second by John Constantine Today in Hooksexup's videogame blog: Street Fighter. The movie. A new one. With that chick from that Superman show. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!
The Remote Island by Bryan Christian Mad Men's January Jones struts her stuff in Vanity Fair. Plus: Damages returns, the latest Gossip Girl guest star and Donna Martin capitulates.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your life will resemble a Godzilla movie this week: architectural damage, burst water mains, panicked masses, big things going clomph clomph all over Tokyo. A massive glowing squid might even hoist itself out of the water, proclaiming, "I AM GIANT GLOW GRABBER," and flicking pedestrians into the harbor like wriggling beetles. We hope this is a metaphor. But if not, buck up, Scorpio: you now have the ability to megamorph into EPIC SCORPIO MAGNUS, and have a wicked-awesome battle with any foes silly enough to stand in your way. Remember, chère frère: use what you got, ‘cause you got a lot!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Drawing teachers say we don't see things as they are — we see the idea of them. We take complex images and reduce them to stick figures. The human face, sparkling with thousands of tiny spots, wrinkles and oddments, gets turned into a cartoon in our minds. Learning to sketch is about unlearning that process, opening up the aperture of the mind to infinite fascinating detail. Your weekly assignment, Sagittarius, is to watch the light reflecting off everything — water glasses, windows, shiny surfaces — and let faces and walls and skies turn into blazes of lines and color. Got it? Good. Now do it again with your whole life.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Roll up your pant legs, get your best javelin and call your friends: it's robot-hunting time! This week, you're in a prime position to learn loads about life and love when you and your fun-loving friends go on your yearly expedition. Creep carefully into the lush, poisonous undergrowth, Capricorn, and disable/steal the technology that will help your post-apocalyptic community blossom. They've got lethal lasers and heat vision, but you've got plucky dispositions. And rocks. Don't forget the rocks!
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Remember those halcyon, pizza-filled days at Chuck E. Cheese? And that lottery game with tokens precariously balanced in tantalizing array, shelves moving back and forth, back and forth? Those golden stacks of glinty, beautiful tokens? How you anticipated the luscious metallic rush? And how you were always pitifully, hilariously wrong? (And how broke you are now?) Well, it's career-win time. For a week, starting Monday: schedule meetings! Ask for raises! Discuss your career! As you tremblingly point your peepers skyward in prayer, listen for the first, faint clinking sound of token after token, falling. . .
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
It's Dirtbike Destiny Week! All of your super-rad friends are busy riding the trails, and getting Hep C from loose women who wear low-slung jeans and aviator glasses. You stay in every night, watching kung-fu movies and putting the finishing touches on your vintage Yamaha. Your classmates give you noogies and nicknames, but they don't know you're secretly the fastest wheels in the town. At dusk on Wednesday, appear to them for the first time and lead the boys on a wild goose chase; wear a helmet so nobody knows your identity. They'll call you "The Lonely Boy." By the end of the week, you'll have blazed a trail of fire into their minds and hearts. And pants?
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
You rock this week. No, for serious — money, career, success, yadda yadda — you've got it all covered. The only thing left to worry about is the interdimensional portal opening in your sock drawer. Twice last week, you had to jump awake and bludgeon the slimy whatever-they-weres with a baseball bat. You've taken to nestling next to the bat, even cuddling it a little. Which is a little weird, yes, but at least it makes you happy. They'll be coming in droves this, with their sticky fingers and interdimensional ways. . . Consider calling an authority, like a priest or The Doctor or something. Or at least buy some duct tape.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
This week, despite your personal relationships taking center stage, you will become unnaturally obsessed with twine. "I've been thinking. . ." your significant other will say, with downcast, glowy eyes. "I feel like we're ready to. . ." "LOOK AT THIS," you'll shout, your hands bulging with twine. "IT IS SO STRONG." The full moon on Thursday, which falls in Taurus, will mark an important culmination of something in your life, which you will obviously ignore, because you will spend the day on the living room floor rolling around in masses of twine. A pilgrimage to Darwin, Minnesota, (and the Biggest Ball of Twine, therein) will go well, because Jupiter is in your house of travel.
Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
In the immortal words of Soulja Boy, it's time for you to crank dat. After some recent turbulence, you're flying high like Superman. The stars say enjoy the ride. Speaking of interplanetary travel, Mercury is beautifully tethered to Uranus this week, which should bring some sensational career news your way, particularly on Friday and Saturday. Cheers! There's no kryptonite in sight.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
You've been holed up for weeks following the political blogs and campaigning for your man (or, woman). Now that the elections are over, the stars want you to ditch the sandwich board and get some love back in your life. And there's no better time to do it: Mars is doing a better job at luring in potential loves than those naughty Craigslist ads ever could. Take advantage of it; your gravitational pull won't be this strong until the next midterm elections.
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
You've never fancied yourself a Martha Stewart type. But that's about to change as Jupiter, planet of good fortune, will be giving you the strength to either move into a beautiful new abode or clean up the mess you currently call home. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, you might even have the creativity to ditch the canned yams and prepare a feast that would make even the doyenne of good living green with envy. Just as long as your yams aren't green, you'll be golden.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
Your friends may have mocked you when you said you'd expatriate in the event of a nasty election outcome. But you'll be having the last laugh this week, as the possibility of travel abroad reaches its zenith on Thursday. Regardless of how your candidate faired, now's the time to leave on a jet plane, even if only for a short while. And wherever you land on Saturday — be it Rio, Reykjavik, or Red Lobster —the day should overflow with positive surprises. And, if you're lucky, endless shrimp. . .
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
This week you'll have your mind on your money, and your money on your mind, though the thoughts that ramble through your grey matter might be bittersweet. Whether the piper will come in the form of your credit-card company or those loathsome student loans, it will be time to pay him on Thursday. But don't fret (too much): you will be greeted with a concurrent opportunity to dramatically up your pay grade.
