Jeff, 31

If you were stranded on a deserted island, what toys or props would you want to have with you to keep your sex life fiery?

I think the most fun would be going through the luggage of the other passengers that didn't make it, because a) you know at least one person had to have been traveling with some depraved stuff in his carry-on and b) it's always fun to improvise.

Who would make a better lover and why: Jack Shepard or Sawyer Ford?

I think the easy answer is Sawyer, but Jack has his pros. I mean, I've never dated anybody who tried to set off a hydrogen bomb on the off chance that it would get us back together; there's something creepy-hot about that kind of demented loyalty. Plus, he's a doctor, which is a lot easier to justify to your mom than a con man.

What's the best way to pick up a Lost fanatic?

Ask if they want to see what's in your hatch.

My boyfriend bought a television for our bedroom, and sure enough, the TV has made it very difficult for me to seduce him. How can I get his attention off the boob tube and back on my boobs?

Invest in a DVR. Alternatively, start hogging the remote and watching the most abysmal shows (these generally tend to be on NBC). Your boyfriend will be ready to go before the first commercial break in Heroes.

I have a huge crush on a guy who's into BSDM. He says we can't date unless I'm into the same things he is, but I'm willing to try. How can I convince him to give me a shot?

Forget the BDSM for a second. If he were into you, he would have tried to talk you into getting tied up. This “we can't date unless I am into the same things he is” thing is a big red flag. He's either trying to brush you off politely, or he's an onanistic douchebag.

My husband wants me to stick my finger in his ass. I'm not into that, but I feel bad for not wanting to explore this with him. How can I make him happy and not puke in bed?

There's nothing wrong with you for not being game for what your husband is suggesting, just like there's nothing wrong with him for proposing it. Tell him that assplay isn't your thing, and then use that as a springboard to discuss some other things that turn him on, as well as a few things that you want to do to him in return.

I've always fantasized about having sex on the beach but once I'm actually on a beach it seems very messy. I don't want to get sand in places that it shouldn't be. Any tips?

1. Lots of towels. Always more than you think you're going to need. 2. Forget the marital aids. Anything moist or sticky that you are planning to put on your partner is just going to leave him or her covered in sand. 3. Speed and secrecy are your watchwords, unless it's a private beach where you have the luxury of not getting arrested.