Savage Love
Rick Santorum says he has gay friends. Where are they?
By Dan Savage
I'm a single twenty-four-year-old gay actor/singer/comedian who's going to be a doctor in a few years — I have varied interests — and I think being in a porn flick would be really hot. I don't know what the ramifications of ramming on cam could be with regard to my future career. The field I want to go into is a very specific burgeoning branch of medicine generally unrelated to sex, but still involving patient care, and I want to be on the cutting edge of this type of medicine. I don't know how much the world of medicine pays attention to this sort of thing when checking up on prospective doctors. Thoughts?
— Wants To Film Lusty Orgasmic Lovin'
I don't know if appearing in porn will make going into medicine more difficult, WTFLOL, but it sure can fuck up a political career.
Sigh.
You know, for a few minutes it looked like Anthony Weiner was going to beat this thing. But the prudes and hypocrites — in Congress and the media — carried the day.
Back to you, WTFLOL: considering the amount of time and money that you're going to invest in becoming a doctor, and considering the recent moral panic about a few stray dick pics, I would advise you to err on the side of not appearing in commercial porn, which would require you to show your face. But go ahead and show everything else on an amateur porn site like XTube — just edit out any shots that show your face and don't let the camera linger on any distinguishing features (a distinctive tattoo that's visible when you're clothed, the parasitic twin that juts from your neck). And, hey, if you want to make porn, have it seen by thousands of people, not have it live forever online, and maybe win a big cash prize, you can enter HUMP!, my annual amateur-porn festival. Details at www.humpseattle.com.
My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years. A few years ago, he informed me that he was molested in high school by a teacher and was in a sexual relationship with this man until he met me. I don't have a problem with him being bisexual, but I do have a problem with him not having a problem with his molestation. He feels it was consensual; I feel this man preyed on him. He used to drink to avoid dealing with his emotions. He stopped drinking when he met me, but this secret causes him to have panic attacks. I help heal his wounds, but what do I get in return? Not what I want. I give him love and I accept him — and he tells me that he doesn't want kids and doesn't want to marry me. He also hardly touches me. We're better friends than lovers. If I leave him, he'll have no one. If I stay, I feel alone. We have fun and make each other laugh, so it's not all bad. But I'm pathetic, right?
— Midwest Mess
I'm going to get slaughtered for this: there are people out there who have panic attacks and drinking problems, don't want to get married or have children, are cold, distant, withholding "lovers," etc., who weren't molested by high-school teachers or anybody else. I'm not saying that your boyfriend's history is unrelated to his other issues — I can't say that — but if he doesn't regard that relationship as the source of all his troubles, MM, you should stop insisting that he feel terrible/victimized/damaged because that's how you think he should feel.
Are you pathetic? No, MM, you're not. You're in a relationship that's not living up to your expectations, and it's making you unhappy. Now you have a big choice and a smaller subchoice to make: either you can adjust your expectations and stay with this guy, MM, and try to appreciate the things he brings into your life, or you can refuse to adjust your expectations and (1) be miserable in this relationship or (2) leave this guy and get out there and find someone else or die trying.
I'm a twenty-two-year-old male with a vaginal-fisting fetish. I have yet to tell my girlfriend of three years about this. First, although we're in love, no relationship is 100 percent guaranteed, and fulfilling this particular kink would result in drastic and permanent physical changes that could ruin her for anyone else if we don't make it. Second, I'm not sure how to ask. I can't just say, "Hey, hon? Mind if I jam my arm in there?" Third, even if she were for it, I don't know where to start!
— Fetishist In Serious Turmoil
First, at three years, all your kink cards should be lying faceup on the table. She's not obligated to get into fisting to please you, as you're aware, so you're not going to "ruin her" just by broaching the subject.
Second, you say something like "I think vaginal fisting is hot and I'm curious what you, the vagina-haver in this relationship, think about it."
Third, I'm tempted to say, "You start by removing your watch," but no one wears a watch anymore and all wannabe vag-fisters should start by reading Deborah Addington's A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. ("If fisting ruined one for other partners, I'd have been fucked outta luck a long time ago," Addington said when I shared your e-mail with her. She recommends plenty of lube and lots of Kegels, if your girlfriend goes for it. "The only 'drastic and permanent' changes that occur are the changes of mind and body that come when one realizes how much pleasure one can have," Addington continued. "That's life altering. The stretched-out black-hole-of-doom is a myth. I'm forty-six and can still walk up a flight of stairs without dropping the Ben Wa Balls — and that after plenty of fisting, with more than one partner.")
Speaking of gaping orifices: Rick Santorum told CNN's Don Lemon that he has gay friends and he loves his gay friends and they love him back. The openly gay Lemon, oddly enough, did not demand names and contact information for these gay friends.
I'd like to hear directly from the gays who love Santorum despite Santorum's belief that gay people are no better than dog fuckers and child rapists, his promise to repeal the DADT repeal, his desire to write anti-gay bigotry into the U.S. Constitution, his opposition to gay adoption, and his belief that consensual gay sex should be a felony. If Santorum's gay friends love Santorum as much as Santorum loves his gay friends, I'm sure they would be only too glad to speak to the media about their love of Santorum.
Santorum told Lemon that his imaginary gay friends prove that he's no homophobe. But if you believe — as Santorum has said repeatedly — that gays and lesbians are a threat to the family and a danger to the country, then you should be openly and proudly homophobic. So either Santorum is lying when he says we're a threat to the family, a danger to the country, etc., or he's lying when he says he has gay friends.
Which is it, Rick?
IN OTHER SANTORUM NEWS: The number-one Santorum site — www.spreadingsantorum.com — is now being regularly updated by a smart group of new bloggers. For all your Santorum/santorum news, head to www.spreadingsantorum.com!
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
Comments ( 73 )
I would have assumed that WTFLOL was fake just based on the acronym.
Also, fuck that guy who thinks he's going to "ruin" his girlfriend by fisting her.
Maybe that's part of his fantasy, that he "ruins" her.
After Santorum's heartless and self-promoting invasion of Terry Schaivo's family during their most tragic and painful moments, he's definitely won the brain-dead vote.
How can Savage defend Weiner? Savage's problem is that he is such a huge proponent of open relationships that he reflexively defends anything deviant. The fact is Weiner showed incredibly poor judgment, a serious lack of impulse control and deeply hurt his wife, family and supporters.
What could possible redeem this perverse and selfish act, and what is there is defend about it?
If you consider what Rep. Weiner did perverse, you're going to be shocked to discover how many perverts you know.
I think you might be confused about what the word 'perverse' means.
Perverse - Contrary to the accepted or expected standard or practice. It is accepted or expected that married men with a baby on the way would send pictures like that unsolicited and then lie about it? If he was following 'accepted standards' there would be no reason to lie about what he did.
What are the stats, NN. Something like 40% of women and 60% of men have admitted to being unfaithful at least once in their lives. If I was his wife, I would be fucking pissed. Looking at it from the outside, I have trouble working up much indignation. I mean.. do you think any of the arrogant pricks in congress are not doing the same or worse?
I dont care about the stats I care about what is healthy and normal human behavior. Just because one day in the near future a vast majority of my fellow citizens will be diabetic fat asses doesn't change anything about the definition of health. Savage won't defend fat-assism anytime soon! Further, the fact that many people act that way doesn't mean the behavior isn't shameful.
Similarly, the fact that we have overindulged our sexual appetite to the point where acting out is common doesn't change anything about what is expected from marriage or a congressman. (Besides, being unfaithful is different from sending cock shots to random twitter followers!) Your head-counting method of determining right from wrong doesn't put any standards in place at all. I'm not surprised by the number of perverts out there, I am surprised by their lack of shame!
Actually NN, the stats point to what is normal behavior. Unfortunately for your argument, healthy and normal don't always go hand in hand.
I think Dan's more making an issue of the other politicians who do similar things and just haven't been caught, and the news media who treated this like it was an actual sex scandal, not just a sexy scandal - especially the channel that hired Eliot Spitzer after his actual sex scandal, with all that sex involved.
Was it stupid and bad judgment? Yes. was it really worth all the attention it got? With the way things are in this country, not really. Not according to most of his constituents anyway.
Seriously, we had a president get a bj in the white house from an intern and not resign. (Though I guess if there were video it could have been a different story.)
The stats cited indicate that fidelity is just as normal as infidelity. And, as such, they don't hurt my argument at all. What is right and what is normal are two different things. I don't know why you can't see that.
I have been waiting for "fat-assism" to catch on for years. Finally!
Stop arguing with that fool already. He'll go right back to sending his cock shots to minors. (WHAT?! it's normal!)
Dan, I'm surprised you didn't tell Midwest Mess to dump her boyfriend. Staying with him because she's worried that dumping him will leave him alone with no support is not a relationship, it's a hostage situation. Her unhappiness with the relationship seems to go far beyond her worries about his molestation; he hardly touches her, he doesn't want the same future she does, there's a lot missing there.
Dan didn't tell midwest mess she MUST leave her boyfriend, but he presented breaking up as one of only three options, and the best option out of the three as far as I'm concerned.
I don't think any gay people like Santorum. Or straight people really. Maybe tolerate it sure, but it's messy and hard to get out of the good sheets.
Good point.
For the record, I'm into vaginal fishing and wear a watch.
I love a woman woman who is into fisting because she is most definitely into anal too. How could you like one but not the other. I feel you Fetishist In Serious Turmoil!
"I have gay friends" is the new "I have black friends."
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I kind of hate Savage. But the idea of him being anally fisted on film made me feel happy all of a sudden.
(Don't worry, Dan, it'll stretch right back to its usual medium-size hole and you can still run for Office!).
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I agree with you, Dan, about Rep. Weiner. Not that I have ever done *that* particular thing. And I'm *perpetually* single(sometimes I feel tempted to write in about that, but that is a topic for another day) so infidelity is not really a consideration. And I think I'm a fairly ordinary liberal with a fairly large, years-long internet presence. As such a person, I believe that someone could find some of my correspondence that would sound bad on "Dateline" even though I didn't hurt anyone. Also, I read Savage Love a lot.Gasp! Because, much as I like Weiner, and I do(He's smart and funny and wants UHC) it's not just about him. It's about all of us and about making the criteria for what outspoken people can do in private so damn small that nobody decides to speak out anymore...it's about wanting a media that acts like it had an eighth grade graduation, for Christ's sake. It's about not throwing away decent people for(admittedly juvenile) personal predilections. It's about thinking of disgusting Breitbart in my sent folder finding my letter to Dan Savage.
Wow, soapbox much?
I agree with you, Dan, about Rep. Weiner. Not that I have ever done *that* particular thing. And I'm *perpetually* single(sometimes I feel tempted to write in about that, but that is a topic for another day) so infidelity is not really a consideration. And I think I'm a fairly ordinary liberal with a fairly large, years-long internet presence. As such a person, I believe that someone could find some of my correspondence that would sound bad on "Dateline" even though I didn't hurt anyone. Also, I read Savage Love a lot.Gasp! Because, much as I like Weiner, and I do(He's smart and funny and wants UHC) it's not just about him. It's about all of us and about making the criteria for what outspoken people can do in private so damn small that nobody decides to speak out anymore...it's about wanting a media that acts like it had an eighth grade graduation, for Christ's sake. It's about not throwing away decent people for(admittedly juvenile) personal predilections. It's about thinking of disgusting Breitbart in my sent folder finding my letter to Dan Savage.
Wow, soapbox much?
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