Melissa, 34

A guy just asked me out. He's a devout Christian and I'm a devout atheist. Do you think we have any chance of making it work?
That's such a fundamental difference that I would predict with many people it would be difficult, because your religious beliefs really go to the core of any person. So when you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't get you in that way it could be challenging. In other ways, you could keep one another fresh, on your toes and honest about why you truly believe what you believe.

When I was seventeen I got caught masturbating in a church bathroom. How can I get over this humiliation and guilt and just let myself enjoy a religious service?
Sex is a gift from God. Sexual pleasure is a gift from God. As long as it's used responsibly and respectfully toward another person and toward yourself there's nothing inherently shameful about it at all. There's nothing shameful about masturbation, though doing it in a public place is maybe not exercising the best judgment. I would seek out a church where you know there will be open-minded people. And if you have friends who are involved in a church, talk to them and be sure you're going to be in a community where you're not made to feel that you have to check your body at the door. Unfortunately, communities of faith still carry a lot of baggage and believe that we're in a relationship with God only from our neck up, but that's not true. Read the Song of Solomon; it's full of sexual and physical imagery. The church tried to spiritualize it and say it's metaphorical and say it's a relationship between God and the Church, but it undeniably affirmed the beauty of human sexuality and physicality.

I'm a twenty-seven-year-old gay man, and I've come out to everyone but my very religious parents. On one hand, I feel like by not telling them, I'm living a lie. But on the other, I don't want to break their hearts and I know they'll never understand or accept it. What should I do?
There's an excellent DVD called For the Bible Tells Me So that looks at the issue of homosexuality from a faith perspective and follows the stories of several families and how the parents responded when they found out they had a gay or lesbian or bisexual child. It also looks at the spiritual arguments, so it would give you some tools to have a conversation with your parents about why you think someone could be gay and also be a person of faith.

My boyfriend of five years just bought a house and wants me to move in. I really like living alone, but I'm afraid if I don't move in we're going to break up. He keeps saying things like "our relationship isn't going anywhere." What should I do?
If you aren't ready to move in together, don't force yourself into something that will only hurt both of you. You will end up resenting him for manipulating you into a decision for which you weren't ready and resenting yourself for caving. Communicate openly and honestly, explain that you're happy with the relationship as it is but that you're just not ready for that step. Ask him what he means by "the relationship isn't going anywhere." Is there another way to move the relationship forward without moving in together?

I'm a twenty-seven-year-old woman dating a twenty-two-year-old guy. He won't have sex with me unless we're officially in a relationship and I don't want to officially be in a relationship until we've had sex. What's a good compromise?
First I would congratulate you on dating a twenty-two-year-old guy who's just as interested in being in a relationship as he is in sex. I'm probably gender stereotyping, but that's something of a rare find in young men. But if you're with this guy and he wants a relationship before sex, I wouldn't try to force him to do anything different. I would first recommend talking to him about why he feels this way. You might discover his reasons are pretty compelling to you, or you might not. If you don't see it the way he does, maybe you need to move on to someone who sees it more the way you do.