Man Steals Underwear from Victoria's Secret, We Share Our Victoria's Secret

 

I consider myself a novelty thief (a salt shaker here, a candle from the Heath Ledger bar there) but I have to give a guy some novelty credit for stealing a buttload of underwear from a Victoria's Secret in Dallas. And ever since my own unfortunate incident in a Victoria's Secret fitting room, I can't help but smirk a little at this. 

Last year, in the throes of writing the casserole book and eating, like, 8 casseroles a week, I desperately needed to invest in a girdle (yes, women still wear those), so I set off for my nearest Victoria's Secret, thinking they'd be, you know, discreet. When I asked if they had the nude in a larger size, a woman yelled across the room to her colleague: "Do you have this girdle in a large for this lady?"

They didn't. 

So, I decided to try on the medium. The tighter it is, the more it sucks... and sucking is what I was going for. After I wiggled my way into it and witnessed the girdle's amazing sucking powers, I thought I'd buy it and I started to take it off. But I couldn't. I was stuck. In a girdle. In a Victoria's Secret. In Brooklyn. After a few minutes of trying to get out if, I asked the sales associate, who had so graciously yelled my size and purchase across the room, to help me get out of it. And what did she do? She laughed at me.

Ten minutes and one pulled shoulder muscle later, I got the fucking girdle off, all by myself. 

So, yeah, forgive us if we think it's hilarious that a man stole 160 pairs of underwear, worth about $1,000" from a Victoria's Secret in Texas. According to reports, he snatched the undies from a table and sped off with his accomplice (who held the door) in a green car. 

[Local 6: $1,067 Worth Of Underwear Snatched]

Related:

Scanner's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Wrap-up

Woman Injured By Victoria's Secret Thong

The Last Four People in the World Trying to Keep Victoria's Secret

 

[Image via victoriassecret.com]