Foreign Slanguage: French

REGULARS

A common criticism leveled at the U.S. is that we're not the most worldly society: less than ten percent of the population owns a passport and thirty-five percent are unable to name the country south of Texas.* So how can we become more involved in the utopian ideal that is the global village? By learning to describe sexual acts in foreign tongues, of course! In the first installment of this culturally enlightening series, we visit those masters of insults and double-entendre, the French. — Grant Stoddard

* It's Mexico

English	French	What it means

"I don't give a shit!"	Je m'en bats les couilles	"I slap my balls against it!"

To give a blowjob	Tailler une pipe	carving a pipe

cunnilingus	brouter le cresson	grazing watercress

menstruation	les Anglais ont débarqué	the English have landed

uncircumcised	chauve à col roulé	bald one in a turtleneck

titty fuck	branlette Espagnol	Spanish jerkoff

"You are hot!"	Tu es pine-au-cul mettable	"You are ass-fuckable!"

dildo	gode	God

Next time: the infinitely practical guide to Dutch.

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Comments ( 27 )

Dear Grant As a linguist (sly rather than cunning) i really appreciated your new piece on foreign terminology. I'd like to suggest a site (https://yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au/%7Emongoose/french/phrases.html) which features such wondefully useful titbits as "Combien pour la fillette?" (How much for the little girl?") or "De quoi est mort votre dernier esclave?" ("What did your last slave die of?"). Also consider the Japanese, equally renowned for their kink and their formality, who ask for head with the phrase "sukatakoshi, shitei, kudasai", which translates as "flute, give please".

CLR commented on Dec 04 02 at 1:38 pm

Hmm.. how can I put it... Well, it's not very french, lots of mistakes and "never heard of" expressions ;-) Sorry, A French man

SC commented on Dec 04 02 at 7:52 am

Dear Grant, Thank you for this contribution, hilarious and interesting. There is one mistake which I must point out, the last item, dildo in french slang is gode and not god, it comes from the word godemich

FR commented on Dec 04 02 at 10:43 am

On a site that is always entertaining and informative, this article was sublime. I hope you're serious about continuing the series--I plan to pepper my conversations with these bon mots. To those who would question this article's value--"Je m'en bats les couilles!"

mjq commented on Dec 04 02 at 12:57 pm

C'

SB commented on Dec 05 02 at 8:09 pm

when you do the Dutch thing, make sure to include a pronunciation guide, and a note that much saliva is required to make the aspirated sounds of "g" "ch" "h".... A further note: having lived in Holland and had a fair amount of fun there, I discovered that they all speak perfect English...but a few Dutch phrases will certainly put a gleam in the eye of even the most pot-glazed partner. It works on sober people, too!

SMS commented on Dec 06 02 at 9:20 pm

There is an error for Gode! I'm french, (I live in Paris) and "gode" il like: "gode michet" (a brand or brend??? i don(t know i have losing my dictionnary!) . God in french : Dieu, not gode! Bye.

B. C commented on Dec 07 02 at 2:24 pm

as an anglophone quebecker who has lived in france i have to say i've never heard of these phrases, though they may very well exist. on the whole i was amused, but, as has been mentioned already god is dieu in french (mon dieu! = (oh) my god), similar to dios in spanish. really, fix the last one (gode), it makes you look ignorant.

LB commented on Dec 08 02 at 8:04 pm

i have lived in france for a long time, and i must add that some of these phrases do indeed exist! and i would like to add one for 'titty fuck' = une Cravate de Notaire, which means 'a lawyers tie'...

lt commented on Dec 09 02 at 6:54 am

There are mistakes in your French slanguage. The worst is for dildo: "gode" comes from "godemichet" and have nothing to do with god. Fran

FM commented on Dec 09 02 at 6:45 pm

By the way Godemichet is just one word, many centuries old and not a name brand. I was born in France, lived there my first 25 years... and I still go there regularly In the expression "branlette espagnol" (wich I never heard) Branlette being of the female gender, Espagnol should too. So, it is "Espagnole"

FM commented on Dec 09 02 at 6:57 pm

My mistake. It is not "godemichet" but "godemich

FM commented on Dec 09 02 at 10:05 pm

give me more of this please!

lm commented on Dec 11 02 at 3:45 pm

Not sure how to spell it because I know French by ear only, but very poetic is French slang for she has big tits: Elle y'a du monde au balcon. literal translation: She has the world on a balcony.

DT commented on Dec 12 02 at 3:57 pm

funny but true/saw your show on hbo this am

jg commented on Dec 22 02 at 9:23 am

Hello, there is a mistake in this page. In French, Gode is slang word for dildo, but it doesn't mean God, as you print it. It is short for godemichet, which is how we call a dildo over here. Richard

RB commented on Dec 28 02 at 10:07 am

"Gode" doesn't mean "God" but comes from an old word "Godemichet". Which means "dildo". Was that some kind of humoristic translation? (quite funny actually - French women would use a "God"...).

BF commented on Dec 28 02 at 10:20 am

For the girl with big boobs: It's "Il y a du monde au balcon", that is "Y'a du monde au balcon". It means "there is some people on the balcony", NOT "she has the world on the balcony". In French "monde" can mean "world" or "a lot of people".

SD commented on Dec 28 02 at 10:25 am

Great article - also happy to see so many french feedbacks - thought I was the only one around here. By the way, you can't translate "you are hot" by "tu es pine au cul mettable". Doesn't make sense. You are hot = Tu m'excites ; ou = Tu m'allumes ; ou = tu es sexy.

OF commented on Dec 29 02 at 7:48 am

"Putain de merde!" Not sure abut the spelling, but that's what my husband always said. I think it means prostitute of shit. I don't know if that means a bad prostitute or else a good prostitute who shits on you.

Lisa commented on Jan 06 03 at 8:07 pm

love this-when is the next???????? thanks!

jb commented on Jan 09 03 at 8:21 am

some incredible mistakes in there! although i agree "pine au cul mettable" sounds interesting, nobody ever says that in france. mettable, bonne, baisable (fuckable), oui, but not pine au cul mettable. gode doesn't mean god but godemich

ap commented on Jan 09 03 at 12:57 pm

Great idea. The really important things are never taught in high school french class. A pronounciation guide would be a great addition to this column so I can impress my teacher.

DTS commented on Jan 11 03 at 1:12 pm

I love "titty fuck" as part of foreplay. Love it when my babe looks down and lifts up her breasts for my cock tip to rub and caress her perky nipples. Then she tries to catch me in her mouth before I turn her around to rub against her bare buns. Drives her nuts. Pre cum as a lubricant helps, besides some KY. Years ago I met a young babe at a nudist resort who was behind the snack bar and when no one was in the place, she locked the door, pulled me into the stock room for a quicky, starting with some titty rubbing. Then she bent over as I entered her for a frantic screwing. Just about the hottest sex I have ever had!

BFR commented on Jan 11 03 at 7:25 pm

Very nice and very true. That said, "je m'en bats les couilles" means "From that knowledge, I beat my balls." If the saying were "je m'y bats les couilles," then your translation would be correct. But still, very nice. -French Ben

bma commented on Jan 23 03 at 5:48 pm

You could have added (even though it's a lot more rude..) : "elle a le ketchup" -> "she's got ketchup" -> she's got menstruations (yeah it's gross, I know) "descendre a la cave" -> "go down to the cave" -> cunnilingus as well as a mini dictionary (which I am sure other Frenchmen will add to): penis, pine, bite, zizi, saucisse -> dick couilles, boulles, noisettes, bijoux de familles, cerises, poix chiches, etc.. -> balls seins, nichons, n

FM commented on Jan 24 03 at 12:23 am

Hi Grant, Your translation of GODE (French for dildo) as meaning God is nowhere, my dear! The full word is godemich

JB commented on Jan 26 03 at 4:57 pm

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