Dateline: "I have no recollection of what she looks or sounds like..."
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Male, 30, advertising
with
Female, 27, dancer
5:14 p.m. - I tell my roommates that a girl I met while blacked-out, fall-over drunk in Ocean City, Maryland is coming to visit. I still have no recollection of what she looks, sounds, or feels like.
5:30 - I am now debating whether to take her out to a nice dinner or to stay in and cook one of the first meals I have ever cooked in my life. I cannot cook.
5:32 - My roommates make my decision for me, based not on the logic that I cannot cook and therefore should take her out, but on this: cute, we go out. Not so cute, we stay in.
5:33 - I try to understand their perspective and I suppose they're suggesting I should parade her around town if she's attractive enough.
5:34 - I've secretly decided on my own that we will go out. I do not let my roommates in on the secret.
6:47 - Her car pulls up. I am sweating and wishing I'd drunk as much as I had the evening we met.
6:49 - I am overwhelmingly attracted to her almost angelic looks and I thank my drunken self for still having good taste.
6:50 - My roommates give secret approving nods. I am free to take her out. I pretend that this didn't matter to me.
6:51 - We're in a cab on our way to dinner. The conversation makes it clear that we have absolutely nothing in common. The only reason to continue is because of our natural attraction.
7:30 - When we arrive at the restaurant, it turns out that I know the manager, and he sends a bottle of champagne for our table. I look way more baller than I am.
7:31 - I learn that she doesn't drink champagne.
7:42 - Our conversation gets worse and worse. Talking about music reveals that her tastes are strictly top-forty, and mine are way more obscure. We quickly establish that we're most at ease when our waiter is near us.
8:01 - I have finished a bottle of champagne.
8:02 - Luckily, she seems to have drunk the rest of the bar.
8:15 - Dinner, drinks, and conversation have vanished, never to be seen again. We've left the restaurant.
8:16 - We pretend to wonder where we'll go next. Should we go out more, or go home and do the only thing that both of us can agree on?
8:20 - Almost without discussion, she's on top of me in the cab. Her skirt makes for easy access. She's making noises that should not be made in a cab; I start making noises as well. More manly noises.
8:21-8:45 - Cab driver throws continual glances in the rearview mirror.
8:46 - We pass my apartment.
8:47 - We turn around.
8:48 - We pass my apartment again. Cab driver and I are not concentrating on getting us home.
8:49 - I tell cab driver to please focus on the duty at hand and get us home ASAP.
8:51 - We arrive home and finish what we started in the cab.
11:30 a.m. - She leaves. We never see each other again.
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Commentarium (16 Comments)
...cute
There's a Drake song here somewhere.
Fine.
Fuck it.
I give up.
Broseff the indie snob gets bases in the back of a cab with some chick he looked down on because she likes easy-access music and I'm still striking out like Tsuyoshi Nishioka.
Get uselessly bitter, buy cat, get on weight watchers, die alone.
I really don't think there is anything wrong with prefering women you have something in common with/can talk with.
No, but the tones of condescension rub me the wrong way.
I can't tell whether you're male or female -- the name and "striking out" talk say male, the cat-buying and Weight Watchers say female.
Either way, he thought she was hot, and apparently vice versa, and that's really what trumps everything in this story. (And, honestly, in most relationships.)
Oh, and: I'm sure she didn't respect him either. Maybe knowing it was purely physical helped make the sex happen. Either way, hot people get laid easily by people who think they're hot, film at 11.
Well, I am a pretty femmy dude, baseball references aside.
And, yeah, hot people are thought of as hot. But it's not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
*breathe*
.....aaaaaaaaaaiiiiir.
(plus, frankly, the narrator came off like an entitled jerk)
i have to agree with the entitled jerk-ery.
Is the cute/go out, not cute/stay in idea an actual thing? Am I supposed to feel insulted if a someone suggests we stay in?
i tend to look at staying in as a sign of someone feeling comfortable with you, but hey that's probably mostly applied if you've already been hanging out with the person or maybe someone just likes intimate settings better. either way, it's pretty easy to read if someone is attracted to you or not!
@SRC: are you really reading anything of value in anything written on Hooksexup? Really?
^ If Hooksexup had a "Like" button, I would click it. Nothing discussed here has any bearing on how the majority of people behave; it would do you well to keep that in mind, src. I read it for the trashy Brooklynite POV that is so sorely lacking in my daily life.
With the exception of a few attempts at humor, the whole thing honestly kind of reads like a night out with Patrick Bateman. Just replace "We arrive home and finish what we started in the cab" with "We arrive home and I scoop out her eyes with a spoon while shoving a curling iron into her vagina."
are rats and axes passe now? Why didn't I receive the biannual newsletter?
It was a funny rendering, I must say. Also since it was written by a guy made it more interesting, because as I have noticed, most other datelines were written by girls. I am glad that this guy had the balls to share his experience.
Now you say something