Dateline: "I'm not awake enough to handle this..."
We're collecting stories about your most entertaining dates. Send your time-stamped dating stories to ; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date.
Male, ad sales rep, 28
with
Female, fashion PR associate, 27
7:10 p.m. - Wake up from a nap trying to recover from a late night out. I have twenty minutes to get ready before my 7:30 drink. It's a blind date set up by a friend's mother, a scenario which I know must have about a 0% success rate.
7:30 - I'm still groggy when I arrive at the bar, searching for a blonde girl in a blue sweater. It's a normally mellow bar that's been inexplicably overtaken by about eight roaring-drunk firemen. I'm not awake enough to handle this.
7:35 - Blonde girl with blue sweater enters the bar just as I find a single barstool squeezed in between a loud drunk fireman and an old man reading The New Yorker. (It's a study in contrasts.) We introduce ourselves and run through the usual "blind dates are weird but worth a try" dialogue, and then she sees another single barstool open a few stools down. She then asks the firemen to slide down to make room for her.
7:40 - While we're awkwardly getting to know each other, a drunk fireman walks over and says, "Hey man, just gotta say, you really shouldn't send a girl over to ask us to move. Be a man."
7:40:05 - I want to go back to bed.
8:00 - I order my second drink, having already kind of decided that I'm not going to try to transition this to a dinner. This girl takes herself very seriously and seems to believe this is some kind of business meeting.
8:15 - Girl in blue sweater tells me that she has five questions she always asks a guy on the first date. She tells me she's "serious about meeting someone and doesn't have any time to waste." Shit. I try to make a joke, saying I only ask one question on a first date: "Do you have a questionnaire you use on first dates? That tells me all I need to know." She doesn't laugh.
8:30 - I'm sitting with an empty drink, not willing to order another and drag this on. She now knows that my parents are happily married and I do want kids someday. These are good answers, she tells me. She asks me if I would be willing to move away from the East Coast for a job. I say yes, and she makes a small grunt of disapproval. Trick question!
8:35 - It's officially been an hour and I need to end this. I keep trying to make eye contact with the bartender to get the bill. On his fourth pass (I counted) he brings the bill. I say it was great to meet her, and before I know what I'm saying, I tell her, "Yeah, we should do it again sometime." We both know we won't and I wish I hadn't said it.
9:05 - I'm back in bed. No more blind dates from friend's mothers.
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Commentarium (27 Comments)
I always wonder how many successful relationships are born out of these horrible "job interview" dates - or who told people they were an effective way of finding a mate. The irony is, you'd probably learn a lot MORE about the person by just relaxing, having a laugh with them, and letting compatibility show itself (or not) on its own.
And even if she meets a man who answers all five of her questions correctly - who's to say he wants to settle down and have kids with an uptight woman with no sense of humor? These "you must jump through hoops to meet my standards" daters always seem to conveniently forget THEY need to bring something to the table too.
An awful lot of these stories seem to make the author seem to be the bad date. I mean, sure, getting pre-planned questions aren't that much fun, but since they are often the last recourse of the socially awkward, I think there are worse ways to start a conversation--especially forty minutes into a bad date wherein the guy has checked out before things even got started. I've put up with my fair share of "quirky" questions and interview-style conversations. It's not a big deal, if that's what makes your partner comfortable.
But a grown adult who is unable to be awake and interested at 7pm at night because he was up late the night before? One who goes into a busy bar and nabs a single bar stool, rather than trying to ensure that his date could find a seat as well? That's just...ugh. I'm not saying he needed to White Knight in and grab her a seat from someone else, but if there is insufficient seating at the bar, perhaps suggest a venue change. Offer up your seat, at least to be polite.
I think it's a little horrifying how many of these stories seem to take the position that the other person is there to impress and entertain the writer--that if they fall short of being awesome, then it's beyond the pale that the writer should put on their Big Girl/Boy pants and make the most of it. This guy here sounds like that party guest who shows up, plonks down on the couch, never moving or engaging with others, and then goes on to complain about how the party was "dead". Social interactions involve more than one person, damn.
I have no idea why this is showing up as a Reply--it's clearly not meant to be directed at you. :)
It says he grabbed the single bar stool just as she walked in, so I don't think it's weird to find a seat while waiting.
You're too judgemental of the guy, Jess - screw you! Being sleepy at 7pm is a perfectly reasonable thing if you've had a late night the night before; some people party hard and being a responsible adult does NOT mean that you have to stop partying hard when you have the time for it.
Also note that he finds the single bar stool "JUST AS [HIS DATE] ARRIVES" - that's bad timing not selfishess or "ugh...". If anything is "ugh..." its your sense of entitlement. I've no problem asking large, drunk men to switch seats and I admire a woman who has no problem with it either but I definitely have a problem with a woman who thinks its somehow impolite if I let her do so. You DO think guys should be White Knights but you don't want to admit it, damn.
Consider this, Jess: if a man is genuinely brave, strong and honorable and not just pretending he is, he is going to value similar qualities in a potential mate; White Knights want to date Sexy Amazons not helpless princesses
Jess made an observation about the Dateline authors in general, not just this guy. She expressed disappointment that many are incapable of pulling on their big girl/boy pants and civilly making the most of a blah date. Female and male alike.
I think @Jess is the way too judgemental one. You sound like a yappy little medievalist who watches a lot of TV, not a brave White Knight. I can't even believe that you used that term un-ironically.
Agree with Momo and Jess. Plus "@Jess," saying "screw you" is way over the top considering what Jess said, and just plain rude.
@Nope -
Are you new to Hooksexup comments? Being unnecessarily rude, condescending and over-the-top in response to fairly innocuous posts is like the new black around here.
@JCB: Haha! Not all that new, no, been on here for a few months. So I really have no excuse for expecting better! I guess I'm a bit of an optimist when it comes to civil discourse. I'm fine with debate, even heated debate, but I really can't stand rudeness. It pisses me off every time I see it.
Ha! Welcome to the internet, the place where civil discourse comes to die (and have its corpse pissed on.)
people who treat dates like job interviews are trying to fit pieces into their life like a jigsaw puzzle. a rude awakening awaits these folks at some point in time. life is largely improvised. if you think you can control ANYTHING, let alone how people fit into your life, you are deluded. and you're also missing out on the fun of not knowing what comes next...
There are plenty of things in your life you can control. If you think otherwise, I have all sorts of sympathy for the anarchy your life must be.
Regardless, there are things in life that are important to us that we need to be important to our partners--there is nothing wrong with finding out early on if a prospective partner is anti- child or pro-child, for example, if the answer means a great deal to you. I've had many friends who were heart-broken when they got very involved with someone only to find many months down the road that they were incompatible on major issues. A lot is left up to chance, yes, but something can be asked.
And honestly, I don't think a guy who determines in under an hour that a partner is unacceptable is really so more free-spirited and un-controlling as someone who asks pre-arranged questions.
If an asteroid collides with earth you will have to take back your ideas of being able to control outcomes. Having intentions is one thing, controlling outcomes is another.
I can see both sides here: On the one hand, the sooner you know whatever major compatibility issues the better. But on the other, making a first date feel like an interview os really never a good idea. It sends a message of not caring about getting to know the person if they don't fit into you're pre-arranged world. Not so good.
Much better to try to have fun and ask questions of your date that show your interest, not your plan to judge them. Th irony is that of course we're all judging all the time but being so obvious and cut and dry about it is not charming, or interesting.
Having said that, there are in fact plenty of things we can control in our lives, albeit a lot more mundane than asteroids hitting the earth. And there are plenty of things we can't control as well but that doesn't negate the many things we can. Resorting to an asteroid analogy is funny but not really on point here.
https://www.universetoday.com/95194/4700-asteroids-want-to-kill-you/
I too am actually interested in asteroids and from the reading I've done the probability is 1 in 700,000. Lower than most would probably think but I'll stand by what I said about not really being on point. Let's face it, in a world where the odds of getting some kind of cancer in our lifetime are 1 in 4 to 1 in 7 for most of us, or being in a fatal car crash, 77 to 1, or being murdered 18, 000 to 1, the asteroid analogy doesn't play well.
don't underestimate the asteroids. they are crafty buggers. you're walking around trying to control your life and then suddenly next thing you know you're atomized.
Ok, then, as a New Yorker, I'll have to add them to the already long list of things to worry about!
I was set up on a blind date by a friend's mother once. We arranged to meet at a bar and I kicked the evening off by arriving 15 minutes late. There was a woman alone at the bar but she was far too attractive for a blind date, so I breathed sigh of relief because it was obvious my date was running late as well. A problem quickly arose, though: the attractive, single woman at the bar kept looking at me and smiling. I diligently ignored her and started to chat with the bartender because I didn't want to start my evening off by having my date arrive and see me talking to another woman, especially an attractive one. Several minutes later, the attractive woman got up, walked up to me with an extended hand and said, "I'm Laurie. I think we have a date tonight". We've been married for 18 years now.
That is so sweet, what an amazing story!
My first and last blind date was set up by my mother, who in her adorably passive-aggressive way decided it was time for me to stop dating "losers" (i.e. guys chosen by me) and try out a "nice guy" instead (i.e. a guy chosen by her). The guy she chose was a law student at the top of his class, an ex-college football player, a devout Christian who went to her church, and (to her credit) very good-looking. The perfect man, by my mother's estimation.
HOWEVER. He showed up to our 11AM weekday coffee date hungover and reeking of liquor. He kept making self-deprecating jokes about it, but after nodding off in the middle of a sentence and pouring sugar next to his coffee cup instead of inside it, I realized he was actually just drunk. He asked me a lot of questions about myself which I found charming at first, but I eventually realized he was just too wasted to talk about himself. He eventually told me he "had a rough life" and had "lots of problems" but he "was getting it together with Jesus' help." He also kept joking about needing cocaine instead of coffee to really make the date fun. I tried to be kind and nonjudgmental throughout, including at the end when he said I seemed like a nice girl and asked me out on a second date, "...but next time let's go somewhere with booze. It's kind of weird trying to make conversation sober." I politely refrained from pointing out that he wasn't sober.
And now we've been married for 3 years...and by "we", I mean me and another guy who isn't a raging alcoholic.
P.S. And my mother never forgave me for not going on that second date. She thought I was exaggerating his substance abuse issues, and even they were real, "all he needs is a nice girl like you to straighten him out and he'll be SUCH a catch."
I miss her every day.
That's priceless.
Loved this!
Yikes. It's one thing to be a checklist dater, but cripes, you don't SAY so!
The fireman was right.
The fireman was looking for trouble.
What kind of asswipe doesn't even help find a seat for their own fucking DATE? I hope that girl got an "in-depth interview" with one of those firemen after this mama's boy went back to beddy-bye.
Now you say something