Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Editor's note: These interviews were conducted at a San Francisco Giants-friendly New York bar the night the Giants won the NLCS.

Sarah, 24

It's a San Francisco victory night. If you could sleep with one San Francisco Giant, who would it be?
Oooh, Tim Lincecum, man! Hell yeah!

The Freak, obviously. Okay, so why?
He's very skilled. I admire his talent. I like his hair. And also, he smokes weed. Plus, he's from Seattle.

You're from San Francisco. What do you do for a living?
I work at a non-profit organization, working with adults with special needs, developmental disabilities.

Does that get you dates ever?
Actually, the last guy I dated worked there too, so I guess it kind of does. I always think work or school is the most likely situation in which to meet a significant other.

How long have you been dating the guy you're dating, and what do you look for in a potential partner?
About a year. I really love hair, if it's full of character — when it's all wild. I like dreadlocks. I do.

That's very San Francisco. You like patchouli too? Birkenstocks? Tie dye?
Well, I like a mature person. Somebody who knows what he wants and who lives up to his word. Someone who actually follows through.

I'm guessing the guy you're dating is older than you.
Eleven years older, actually. The last guy I dated was a year younger than me, and he was just immensely immature. It wasn't a total disaster. I was living in a house, and a room came up for rent. He moved in, and then we started dating, and I learned that I need my own space. It was backwards — we lived together first. He was crowding me and being really, really sensitive. I don't mind sensitive people, but if you're illogical about it then, that's a turnoff.

What are other dealbreakers for you? Turn-ons?
Clingy people for sure. Turn-ons... hair. But really, mature people. People I can fucking learn from.

Are you relieved to be out of the dating scene?
I don't know. I mean, I feel like I'm way too young to be committed. At this age I don't know what I want. I feel like anything I get into right now won't last. That might be sad, but it's honest. How can I know what I want right now?

Does the guy you're dating feel the same way?
Well, I really like him. It's the first serious long-distance relationship I've ever been in. I forgot to mention that. I live in San Francisco and he lives in Los Angeles. We see each other once a month. I totally trust him and he totally trusts me, but we're at different stages. He has a daughter. She's three. I haven't met her. He doesn't pressure me, but he understands why I wouldn't want to. Next time I see him, I'm going to meet her. I think it's an appropriate step to take, in terms of learning what his priorities are. Also, I want to move again to get my masters in social work.

To Los Angeles?
No, to Chicago. Knowing that he has priorities, if he ever said he wanted to move with me, I just wouldn't feel comfortable. He has a daughter, he should take care of her. And I have my own goals. But, I love him. I do!

 

Francisco, 26

What do you do for a living?
I'm a bicycle mechanic in Astoria.

Does that get you a lot of dates?
Actually, I've got a wifey.

You're married?
No, I mean not legitimate or anything. I got a boo-thang. A girlfriend. We've been dating since way back when. My roommate went to New Orleans after the hurricane. He's a social activist, and she's a photojournalist. They were both on the same trip being sick individuals.

Are you ever tempted to stray in the city?
No way. My girlfriend is the most amazing person in the world. What it comes down to is — I'm going to get real vulgar for a second — there's three kinds of pussy in the world. Wait — she's not out here, is she?

I don't know, dude, but she's going to see this on the internet.
Oh, yeah. Okay, so, three kinds of pussy in the world. There's new, there's old, and there's forgotten. Strange would be new, familiar would be consistent, forgotten would be from the past. They all have their highs and lows. But my girlfriend: she goes out and does her own thing in the world and that is the most attractive thing in the entire universe. She is so fucking sick. She could call me up and tell me that she's about to fly to Abu Dhabi for a month and I'll say okay, go be amazing, and you'll tell me about it when you get back. Every time I see her she's got something new to say, which means she is constantly learning and growing as a person. It's always strange and new, because whatever she's gone out and done, she's bettering herself. Her spiritual being is growing always. So I'm totally fucking sprung. If you ask any man in the world, he'll say: familiar is awesome, but it gets old. There's this famous quote from some awful guy: "You show me a fine-ass woman and I'll show you a guy who's tired of fucking her."

Wait, that's totally antithetical to what you're saying. Also, you are blowing my mind right now because you seem to be an impossible combination of incredibly vulgar and completely enlightened. That's very Bay Area.
Well, yeah, I'm from Gilroy.

Like the garlic festival?
Hell yeah. The garlic fucking festival.

Is this girl the first girl you've been in love with?
Nah, I've been in love hella times. But I was much younger, I was so much more naïve. I'll be the first to say though — I don't know shit now. I don't know anything about anything. I fell in love when I was fifteen and sixteen and seventeen. But whatever I've said about my girlfriend now, the amazing things she does when we're not together, and the level of intimacy and romance when we are together — it's so dope.

 

Joyce, 27

How long have you lived here?
Two months. I live in Union Square now.

How does the dating scene here compare to the scene in San Francisco?
It's different, and I don't know if it's because statistics have played into my head or not. Did you know that the ratio of women to men in New York City is six to one? It's completely different. Knowing that, I'll walk into a bar and see a bunch of dudes and I'm like, okay, if you don't want to fuck me, you'll go fuck another girl. If I turn you down, there will always be a girl who is younger and ten times hotter who will fuck you, and not expect you to buy her a drink. I've been on two dates. One guy was fine as hell but he just wanted to fuck, and I said no. We've been talking off and on, but he's probably just going to be a fuck buddy. But I haven't had sex since I got here. Two months! Two fucking months!

What are you doing out here?
I'm going to school in New Jersey. I'm a student.

Have you met any guys at school?
Oh, no. My school is full of people I'm not attracted to.

Have you ever been in love?
Yes, and that's the best sex you'll ever have. Plus, you can have naked days where you just hang out, naked, and you can just do it all the time. You care so much about the other person that you just want them to feel good.

When and where did you lose your virginity?
I think I was sixteen. My first boyfriend was absolutely Christian so every time we kind of fucked he would deny it. He was in denial for a year. He'd say, no! We didn't really do it! Because you know, he'd put it in, but not actually move. Then he'd pull out and say, we shouldn't be doing this! And I'd say, "Dude, you're not a virgin."

Did he get over it?
Yeah, I think he's all right now.

All right with God or all right with girls?
Girls, I think. Maybe both.

If you could sleep with one San Francisco Giant, who would it be?
I think Timmy. It's his sweet, sweet hair. I just want to smell it. Plus, he's half Filipino. My mom would be happy.