Alex, 23

You recently got out of a relationship, right? 
That I did.

How long had you been together? 
On and off, about four years.

Why did it end? 
Because I got really miserable and tired. Realistically, I'm kind of an asshole. I kind of talked to other people, but I never really acted upon it. And I kind of wanted to, so I pulled the move on it. And also, she kind of sucked sometimes. Just sometimes, but she was fucking awesome the other eighty percent of the time.

Why did she suck? 
She's crazy. 

Were there any specific times that that made itself apparent? 
The day I broke up with her was the night she proposed me moving in with her. And I said no, and she flipped her shit, so I turned my phone off. I woke up the next morning, and I didn't talk to her. I went to the gym, and came back to find her sitting and crying on my stoop.

So, she asked you to move in with her? 
And she said, if I don't love her anymore, then why are we together? So, I was like, "I don't love you anymore," and that ended it. And I haven't really spoken to her since.

Has it been hard for you at all? 
Eh, at times. But mostly I'm pretty good. I don't know, I'm going out all the time. I work all the time, which I always did. I meet people a lot; I'm good at that. I've had some hilarious experiences since.

Tell me about those experiences. 
Public displays of affection with random women. I got head in the bathroom of a bar. That was funny. And then a guy called me out on it, so I talked to him for a while. Then he criticized me for getting head and then going back and drinking a beer, so I said that's exactly what was I was going to do. Then, he came and sat down and talked to us for like, thirty minutes. It's really hard to bust in the bathroom of a bar. 

Did you get off? 
I did not. I've never busted from head before. Not that alone, at least.

How is that possible? 
I guess I've never gotten great head.

Would you say you have freakish stamina? 
I wish. Well, maybe when I'm hammered.

How did this guy know you were getting head in the bathroom? 
Because I walked out of a one-person bathroom with two people.

Who was the girl? 
Some girl I had brought home two weeks prior. We went to this bar and I explained how I'd never really had a great experience there. We left to get a drink at another place. Then she asked if I'd go back to the first bar, because she felt bad I'd never had a good time there, because she always had a good time there. She said that she would make it better for me.

So, how did you get from walking into this bar to getting head in the bathroom? 
With absolutely no game. I said I was gonna go take a leak, and she followed me. 

And have you spoken with her since? 
Nope.

Would you like to speak with her? 
Not unless tonight goes awry.

Elizabeth, 22

You said you make videos about dating and relationships. Tell me about the films you make. 
I basically interview guys about their sex lives and romantic lives. I made a fake porno movie also.

You made a fake porno movie? Tell me about that. 
I'm interested in the awkwardness that comes in the first two minutes of a porno movie, where the guy comes into the room and they're trying to establish some sort of relationship or connection with somebody, but you obviously know they're just in it for the consummation of the act. What I'm really interested in is the setup, and I think you can totally relate to going out to a bar to try and meet somebody and the acting that goes into that. I think you're following a script the entire time. Maybe that's negative, I don't know. You always follow this idea of something you're trying to pursue. Just in porn, it's very exaggerated, but it's exactly the same thing. I can see it every time I go to a bar and see a guy try to hit on a girl.

Have you experienced that yourself? When guys hit on you, are you like, "I'm an expert — I know exactly what you're trying to do?"
I wouldn't say an "expert." I would say that I can recognize it pretty easily, and I think everybody can, too. I'm not saying that I'm really knowledgeable about this kind of thing. I think it's very easily found. If you're talking to somebody, you can tell within the first couple minutes what people's intentions are.

Are you in a relationship now? 
Ah, not exactly. I'm sort of dating somebody, but it's casual.

How did you meet? 
At a bar.

How did he pick you up? 
I kind of picked him up, actually.

How did that work? 
Oh, God. It was actually kind of unintentional. I was sitting there reading in a corner and not talking to anybody. And I sneezed — this is such a lame story, oh God — and this guy was sitting next to me, and he was like, "Bless you," and I was like, "Oh, thanks. That was so embarrassing — I have such a girly sneeze." And then we started talking after that.

So you picked him up by sneezing. 
Unfortunately, yes.

What's so girly about your sneeze? 
It's just high-pitched and mouse-like. 

How does he feel about your pre-porn filmmaking? 
[laughs] "Pre-porn," that's gratuitous. There's nothing sexy that actually happens. It's the first part, so everybody's clothed. You know, it's wholesome.

What are some the scenarios you've filmed in the pre-sex part? 
I wanted to do very generic situations for a porno movie, so I did a plumber slash handyman person and a housewife. I did a beach scene, an office scene, and then I did a camping scene.

How does the guy you're seeing feel about your interest in sex and relationships and porn? 
I think he thinks it's pretty funny. This is going to sound really self-aggrandizing, but I see the work that I do as more than about sex and gender — I think of it as a bit more universal. I think that it does come through.

Would you ever do porn? 
No.

Do you watch porn yourself? 
I've seen it before, yeah. Not frequently.

But you know it well enough to make videos parodying it. 
I think everybody does. It's a pretty culturally acceptable thing to know about the really generic porn situations, where it's like a pizza guy coming to your door.

Do you have any advice that, as an expert, our readers can take away? 
"Expert" — that's still a dangerous word. Umm... always expect the worst. Just never get too invested or excited about something, because it will probably go badly.

Ashley, 25

What do you do? 
I'm a server at SoHo Park.

Oh, I live right near there. 
You should stop in for a burger.

I have and will continue to do that. So, are you in a relationship? 
Yes, I'm engaged.

Congratulations! What's your fiancé's name? 
Shirah.

That's a gorgeous name. What kind of name is it? 
It was her aunt's name, so I'm not really sure.

When did you get engaged? 
January of last year.

And when is the wedding? 
Hopefully this fall.

Where do you live? 
Ossining. We've lived together for about eight months.

I've heard the stereotype that lesbians tend to move in faster with each other than non-lesbians. Do you think that's true? 
I don't want to say that about myself, but I would agree with that stereotype. With the pressure of being gay or lesbian, when you find someone that you really like, things happen faster.

Had you been in a serious relationship before? 
Shirah was my first serious relationship with a woman, but I had been in serious relationships with men before, and I'd dated women before I dated Shirah.

How did you know you wanted to get engaged? 
It was just something that happened. I'd been with men for a long time, and I'd known that I was gay for a long time. Even though I agreed with the idea that you love whoever you want to love, it was still hard for me to accept, so I was with men for a really long time. Finally, I admitted to myself and my family and everyone that I was gay and started dating women. I found this woman and fell in love with her, and that was it.

How did the proposal go? 
We were actually at her parents' house, and the power had gone out, so we were in the library. We had the fireplace going and had candles and cheese and wine, and I just asked her to marry me. I knew I wanted her to marry me, but I didn't plan on asking her at all. It surprised me coming out of my mouth.

Was gay marriage legalized before or after you got engaged? 
Before, but it's an iffy thing because a lot of people ask me if that's why I proposed, and that's not it at all. It just happened to be around that time, but that's not why I proposed to her. We had already talked about it before. The plans before I officially asked to her marry me were that we were going to get married in every state it was legal to get married in before we could get married in our own state. We were going to put the notches on the inside of our wedding band for every state we got married in.

That's amazing. Where's the wedding going to be? 
In our front yard. I'm going to fly my family out here. It's going to be very intimate. Then we're going to spend the rest of the week taking my family around New York, because they've never left Illinois before. 

Anything else you'd like to add about your relationship or yourself or your upcoming wedding? 
No, other than I'm marrying my best friend, and I never before believed that anyone could be so happy.

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