Piper, 20

What do you do for a living?
I'm a photographer.

Is that a good way to meet guys?
Yeah, that's how I met my first boyfriend. We were at a party and we both showed up with the same camera, and that started the conversation.

What do you look for in a dude?
I look for something different. I don't like to date the same person over and over. I've been with your typical musicians, artists, photographers, but the guy I'm dating with now is in the Army. I really enjoy being with him, though. I never thought I'd date a military man.

Do you find that you learn something new with each kind of guy?
Yeah. People will say, "Oh, date a bunch of different people. Date around." But those same people often date the same type of person over and over again. I'm glad that I've tried somebody new.

What's the difference between dating an artist and dating a military guy?
Well, he's a lot more responsible. The whole starving artist thing — broke-ass losers with no money, maybe a job, maybe not — that kind of gets old after a while. In high school, nobody cares, but when you grow up, it doesn't work long-term. I can't marry somebody like that. Those people are fun to hang out with, but it can't be for anything serious. It's not like everything is like "What do you have to offer me?" But in the end, that's what it comes down to.

At least you know what you want, right? How do you impress guys?
I'm not good with that at all. I hide behind my camera sometimes.

Have you ever used your camera to flirt with someone?
Yes!

Have you ever asked someone to pose nude for you?
Yeah, it actually worked out. We were outside in a field, and a girl I was with was like, "Why not?"

What the craziest thing you've done to get with a guy?
I'm not that crazy. But once I went out with a guy to try to see if I could hook him up with a girlfriend of mine. And after we went out and talked, I didn't want to hook him up with my friend, I wanted to hook up with him! So I ended up dating him for a while. She never knew.

How long have you been with your current boyfriend?
About a year and a half. Right now, he's stationed where I live, but he leaves in six months for either Seattle or Texas. We'll see what happens.

Okay, you've been in several relationships in the past, but you're a virgin. Is sex something you're saving for marriage?
Yeah, my parents were super conservative. That was the rule of the house. It wasn't a big deal for me because my boyfriend at the time lived far away. Recently, it's something that I reevaluated on my own and I decided it was important to me. I think a lot of people don't see sex as something that's important in that way. That's personal. My boyfriend has slept with a lot of people and he doesn't see sex that way. But it's important to me, so it's important to him. I think it's cool to think that if we do get married, he'd be the first guy I've been with. That's special.

In your relationship, is there something you do instead of sex to be intimate?
Yeah, no sex has forced me to find other ways to be emotionally connected to someone. I just like to do life with them. Little things like grocery shopping help me find beauty in ways other people don't.

Was it hard to find a guy who understood you?
Yeah, it's ended a lot of relationships.

How do you break the news to a guy that you don't have sex?
It's kind of hit-or-miss. There are some people that I feel comfortable with right away. I guess I don't really go for the guys that I know just want to have sex. A lot of the guys I've dated were friends with me before, so they already knew and it wasn't a confrontational issue.

Do you ever get tempted?
Yeah, especially with this guy. We live on our own in the same city, so we just have to make boundaries. Like, we won't go over to each other's places late at night when no one else is around. He used to invite me over to his apartment and I used to feel like I had to. But now I don't and he understands and doesn't try to undermine it.

So how far is too far?
There have been a couple guys who use oral sex as a replacement, but I never wanted to draw a firm line. It's been hard with this guy because we were going right up to this line and we just had to stop. Now, I don't even kiss him. It's not something we need to talk about anymore. Even when we do kiss, which is very rare, like on a birthday, it's really special. It was never special before, but now it's great. It's not like, "Oh, I deserve to kiss you because you're my boyfriend." I've had friends who have saved their first kiss for their wedding day. That's inspiring to me. That's definitely not something I'd want to do, but I give them a lot of credit. It's what they wanted to do and they stuck with it.

Are you still saving sex for religious reasons?
Not really, but I am a Christian and what the Bible says about respecting marriage is pretty clear. That was my parents' view, but I'm doing it more for personal reasons because I want it to be special. I don't want to get into the routine of cheapening what's meant to be really important.

There are a lot of rules in the Bible about personal conduct. How did you prioritize abstinence?
I grew up in a really controlling, legalistic Baptist church. Even at a young age, I just didn't agree with them. The basic rules, though, are love God and love your neighbor. I just try to take that and apply it to everything. Some people are like, "Well, what does loving your neighbor have to do with sex?" But it actually covers a lot. I love and respect my boyfriend and I love and respect myself and so I think it falls under the realm of sex. It's a lot about where your heart's at. Even my tattoos were a big deal. My parents said it was wrong, but I didn't think I was hating anybody by doing it or destroying my temple or anything.

 

Dave, 32

What do you do for a living?
I work in marketing in Minneapolis.

Does that get you any dates? 
It shouldn't! I have a partner.

Has it in the past?
Nope. As long as I've been doing my job, I've been with him.

How long have you two been together?
Five and a half years.

What did you look for in a guy before you met your partner?
Um, anyone who would pay attention to me. I tend to ramble and go on tangents and he's, like, the only guy who would put up with my BS.

When you guys met, what about him turned you on?
Well, we met at a bar, so it was obviously a physical thing at first. But we didn't go home with each other the first night. We ended up exchanging numbers and going on dates and he's never left my side 'cause I'm so amazing! We were both new to Minneapolis, so we were kind of standing around and looking standoffish and started talking. We didn't have any moves, but we could tell neither of us knew anyone.

Who did you guys come to see?
What's that guy's name? James Blake. And Cut Copy. And we're here to listen to new music too.

How important was it to find someone who had similar music taste to yours?
Well, I have bad music taste, so this is more his gig.

How do you feel about the stereotype that Pitchfork fans are music snobs?
I came here as a music-snob supporter. I'm along for the ride.

Has he introduced you to any cool bands?
Well, he used to always take me to concerts and then he started to see that I wasn't really enjoying his really indie stuff so now he goes to concerts by himself.

What do you do when you're not at a concert then?
I just hang out.

What does he like that you don't?
Shit, pretty much everything. I'm a top-forty guy. We're very different in music tastes.

What's your top-forty jam?
Right now, it's Katy Perry. I know.

What's a dealbreaker for you?
Um, freaky shit? Just… pee, scat, and all that stuff. I'm not gonna go there. Things like outdoor sex or voyeurism — that's not that big a deal, though.

Outdoor sex — is that how you sustained your arm injury?
No, that was from falling down a window well.

Do you believe in true love?
Yes. I found him. Absolutely.

Does he know you feel that way?
Yeah. It's funny because he's like my um, 140th boyfriend or something and I'm his first. I don't think he feels the need to search for anyone else, and I've sowed my wild oats everywhere I want, and now, I have it.

 

Alice, 22

What do you do?
I'm a student.

Does that get you any dates?
Not really, I guess. I've been with the same person since I was fifteen.

Lots of long-term lovin' at Pitchfork! What's it like to still be with someone you went to high school with?
It's interesting. We had to take some breaks from each other to grow a bit, but it's working out. He's really cool. He's a really talented musician. Really funny, articulate, and kind.

There's a stereotype that musicians are shallow or vain. Is any of that true?
He's not an artist, and artists can be really self-centered. But we work in different areas so we can talk about similar interests.

How did you impress him?
We were in a band together. I kind of had to force myself on him. I was a hard flirter.

How's the band now?
We broke up. I think that happened because we started dating. Apparently the bassist was in love with me and I didn't get the picture.

Any funny or embarrassing hookup stories?
In high school, we would go to this one street. We called it "Orgasm Boulevard."

Ever been offended in bed?
Once he didn't want to go down on me because we had been biking around. I thought that was offensive. We had been together for a long time, so it was like, "Really?"

Did he expect you to go down on him?
I think maybe. But I didn't!

What's the most desperate thing you've done to get laid?
One of the times we were on a break, we were at a party. It was actually my birthday party, and I told him I wanted to fuck him. And he said, "No, I'm tired," and he left. I was like, "Oh, cool." I tried to make something else happen and that thing didn't work either. So I just went home and was like... "Fuck."

But you pulled the birthday card and everything! I need to have a talk with this guy. What's one thing you would change about the opposite sex?
The forced aloofness thing. Just be straight with me — with anyone! Into me, not into me — it's not that hard! I'm not saying I'd like it if someone came up to me and was like, "Not into you. At all." But I don't like the avoidance. Or when it's a one-time thing and they don't call and pretend it never happened.

What were you two like in high school and what are you guys like now?
I was quieter and relied on him a lot more. He took that role and was more aloof. Since then, I've gotten more independent and he's realized that we need each other. There's a nice balance.

Interviews and photography by Ruth Tam. Want to talk to strangers in your town? Email