John Edwards reportedly linked to Upper East Side prostitution ring

A few weeks ago, "Millionaire Madam" Anna Gristina made headlines for allegedly running a high-end escort service out of a townhouse on Manhattan's Upper East Side (which was, coincidentally, next door to my family's favorite take-out Indian restaurant. Shoutout to Simla on 78th and 2nd!). As if this revelation wasn't lurid enough, now DNAInfo is reporting that former U.S. Senator John Edwards has been named as one of Gristina's former clients (escandalo!).

A former call girl associated with Gristina's escort service alleges that she slept with Edwards in 2007, while he was in New York raising funds for his failed presidential campaign (doble escandalo!) As you may recall from Edwards' storied history of douchebaggery, this is around the time that Edwards was cheating on his wife, who had just been diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer, with former campaign worker Rielle Hunter (multiplicado por un escandalo de milones...or something). 

The most escandalo-worthy thing about this story, however, is that the escort allegedly told investigators of her one-night horizontal encounter with Edwards way back in 2008, after the district attorney's office had just started poking around Gristina's operation. Although Edwards never faced charges from the district attorney's office, records show that his campaign spent thousands of dollars at several Upper East Side-area hotels in 2007.  

Of course, Edwards "categorically" denies DNAInfo's story, and his attorney has demanded that the blog print a retraction. But let's be real: Edwards doesn't exactly have a reputation for forthrightness, not to mention basic human decency, and at this point in what's left of his career it kind of doesn't matter if he once penetrated some girl who probably spent the whole ninety seconds thinking about how this would help her pay off her student loans. I just hope that she had enough game to realize that one day, this would make for a totally crazy story for her friends, future family functions, and criminal investigations led by the Manhattan district attorney's office. And, perhaps, a Mexican telenovela. ESCANDALO SEXO POLITICO!