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    In the mid-'90s I lived in Seattle in a 350-square-foot studio apartment on Capitol Hill. I had no furniture except for a bed and a lawn chair I'd found in an alley. I held a variety of terrible jobs, and I worked infrequently. For the first time in my life I was irresponsible with my credit card. My friends and I got high and picked mushrooms off the land in front of the Seattle University campus chapel. They were not exceptionally strong, but three or four would induce an hour-long high followed by a restful sleep.

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    I slept a lot those days.

    I spent my nights in bars and my days in cafés, favoring the Speakeasy, a massive, high-ceilinged internet cafe downtown. One had to dodge the homeless drunks — who at that time dominated downtown Seattle — to make it through the front door, but it was worth it. They had gallery shows and a performance space in back, and a clientele composed mainly of artists and computer geeks. I thought they were all hot, but I never talked to anyone because I felt I had nothing to offer.

    This is where I saw him, the man in the suit jacket and the ever-changing array of vintage shirts. He was put together just so, which I admired. Also, he was slightly worn in the face and at least ten years older than everyone else. He always had a book open in front of him, just like me.

    He spoke to me first. He told me he liked my book. I was reading Cathedral by Raymond Carver, which was sort of like reading A Confederacy of Dunces in New Orleans, which was sort of like reading Bright Lights, Big City in New York; they were all books that could make someone young feel like the world at that very moment had been invented specifically for them.

    "I like it because everyone around here sounds like Carver's characters," I said. "Up north, especially." I had gone thrifting in Everett a few weeks before, and every conversation I heard in the Value Village was clipped and mournful.


    He looked down and clenched his hands together. His fingernails were dirty, but not so much I minded it.

    We talked about books for a while. His name was Davy, and he used to own a bookstore. Mainly first editions, but they sold records and comic books too. I had graduated from college two years before so I had a fresh enthusiasm about literature.

    "It was right down the street," he told me. "Closed six months back. We'll get it going again." He looked down and clenched his hands together. His fingernails were dirty, but not so much I minded it. Just a thin line of dirt under the top of the nail, as if he had traced the shape with a ballpoint pen.

    "Everyone said they loved my shop, but no one ever bought a goddamn thing," he said. He was angry, and then he calmed himself. "This city's changing. Look at this place." He waved around. "Everyone's got their head glued to a computer instead of a book."

    I hadn't embraced the internet yet, so I was with him on that. Computers were what you used in an office. We spoke for an hour. He seemed relieved to have someone to talk to, and so was I. I missed having a book person in my life. My last boyfriend — the one who was missing the tips of two fingers, a detail that had played out a little oddly during sex — had worked at the university bookstore and was writing a novel he would never show me. He had dumped me for no apparent reason. Dumped by a bookstore clerk — I still sighed about it.


            

      

    Comments ( 4 )

    Mar 04 08 at 8:48 am
    pc

    wonderful story.

    Mar 04 08 at 10:22 am
    VIX

    First thing I have read here in a long time that really moved me. Thank you.

    Mar 04 08 at 11:19 pm
    M7C

    It's not like anyone else is using the closet," he said.

    "My clothes are," I slurred. "My clothes live there. They live there." His hair was mussed. Were there pointed ears under there? "You have to go." I got up and opened the door. "Right now," I said.

    LOL! The F&L Date. This is a really fun read. Too much rain in the northwest for me. To this day I've never been in an internet cafe. They are stellathy anyway, I can't find them. I've tried to approach women in coffee shops, mostly the employees for some reason, which is moot, they are too used to it. Especially if one is working for tips. Some slick chicks out there I've observed. I don't wnat to admit this, but the line where you say "seeing yourself in someone else yada yah, well, this fellow was me about eight years ago. "You mean I can't use you for sex? The next logical step is to, well, sleep in your closet!" This was my train of thought for a good number of years. This "peice" (I'm a New York Arteest) reinforces for me why I enjoy dating so much. Statistically, we're just not going to find anyone! LOL! Which gives weight to internet dating. At least there is a degree of initial compatibility going in. SOrt of.

    Mar 10 08 at 2:15 pm
    ACD

    Great essay Jami. It made me think of my recent move from Indianapolis to San Francisco. I'm a little surprised by the ubiquity of homeless people in SF. Not so much the mentally ill; but the seemingly normal, average people who sleep in the park on occassion and couch surf well into their thirties, with little motivation to find stable housing or work. There's a whole different attitude towards hygiene out here too. Showering is optional. And it's not uncommon to meet really bright, capable people with college degrees, who are also missing teeth. I find it a little odd.

    just an observation.

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