Creepiosity

A hilarious guide to the unintentionally creepy.

The Blowy Guy in Front of the Mattress Store or Car Dealership

A few years ago, someone got the bright idea to put an air-powered flailing stick man in front of businesses to attract attention. Besides the fact that this creature looks like a tortured spirit just released from the Lost Ark, let's think more practically: has one person ever, in the history of these things, driven by and seen on and said, "I had no interest in or need for a car, but after seeing that freakish monstrosity — hell, I'm gonna stop in and buy me the most tricked-out Kia they make!"

"Stab me. Please."

Comments ( 29 )

Aww. I was missing my grandma something fierce today. The candy post made me smile. She always had those out on her table.

agentsee commented on Jun 15 10 at 12:14 am

Missing my grandma as well. Old-Tyme porn made me smile. She always had a thing for the Victrola.

anon commented on Jun 15 10 at 12:34 am

My girlfriend and I were laughing so hard we were crying when we read the Grandma candy one.

B commented on Jun 15 10 at 12:56 am

Also creepy: calling your grandma "Ya Ya".

Neill commented on Jun 15 10 at 1:38 am

I've got to agree about the beard-without-'stache thing. Unless you're Amish, but if you are you'll probably never read this anyway.

Matt commented on Jun 15 10 at 7:49 am

Many of these are spot on, but old-timey stag films = amazing! Ok, maybe they're not hot, but they're great to play in the background at dance parties.

Dennisthemenace commented on Jun 15 10 at 10:05 am

Necco wafers always remind me of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, so whenever I read those words, I hear them in a fake German accent.

Meh commented on Jun 15 10 at 10:07 am

Half person/half animal - that's just Apple's way of removing tiny, cartoon penises from iPad comics.

MissHayden commented on Jun 15 10 at 10:23 am

Those sesame crunches are fucking good.

JJL commented on Jun 15 10 at 4:39 pm

Old time porn can be hot, too. I'm not liking the new, less tolerant, sex negative, judgemental Hooksexup.

JJL commented on Jun 15 10 at 4:41 pm

That last photo is of Tito, the dictator of the old communist Yugoslavia, the country of my birth and childhood. I am laughing my ass off! Excellent!

Ivan commented on Jun 15 10 at 4:51 pm

pretty sure that old-time porn bit is (like the rest of this feature) a joke. i kind of doubt Hooksexup's taking an ideological stand against bee beards and fish with people faces.

@jjl commented on Jun 15 10 at 5:29 pm

seriously, Hooksexup. i'm sick of your unrepentant hatred for people who wear bees instead of bibs. it's so bee negative.

Lemon commented on Jun 15 10 at 5:59 pm

The chinstrap beard is so terrible on every level. So is the goatee. So is any manicured hair facial hair.

chinstrap commented on Jun 15 10 at 11:48 pm

@Neill, "Ya Ya" is the term by which Greeks refer to their grandmas. I can see how if you didn't grow up with it it's creepy (my ex is Greek and the first time I heard him refer to his Grandma that way I found it odd) but it's not abnormal if you're from a Greek hood.

S.S. commented on Jun 16 10 at 12:13 am

man bear pig. half man... half bear.... half pig.

lala commented on Jun 16 10 at 6:49 pm

Old men with a hand in their pocket.
seeing someones dentures not in their mouth.

Sarah commented on Jun 16 10 at 6:50 pm

"Beard without mustache, on the other hand? Tough to look at. So please, C. Everett Koop, Gorton's Fisherman, and the guy who sells Christmas trees out of the Vons parking lot on Reseda Boulevard in Los Angeles — add the 'stache or lose the beard."

I agree with the sentiment, but I regret to inform you that the Gorton's fisherman DOES have a mustache. Fact check, people!

Dan commented on Jun 16 10 at 7:24 pm

The Gorton's fisherman most definitely has a 'stache!! blasphemy.

Marie commented on Jun 16 10 at 9:04 pm

ribbon candy.

mario commented on Jun 17 10 at 12:32 am

Talking about creepiness... I sent the link to my friend in Tokyo, but she can't open it because of some bizarre filter saying: it's adult content!! You guys, did you know you are forbidden in Japan? Meanwhile, her neighbor is watching internet pron all day long without any restrictions.

Anca commented on Jun 17 10 at 3:38 am

Šta radi Tito u fijakeru? Gdje je Jovanka?

Tina commented on Jun 17 10 at 12:36 pm

Amusing read, but the sesame candy was unfairly implicated. It has no business being lumped in with the suicidal swine and the gyrating tube beasts.

Namennayo commented on Jun 17 10 at 1:13 pm

As funny as a suffering child dying of cancer. Seriously, a whole book of this? I quit after the third page. This writer wouldn't know a joke if it performed root canal surgery on him without anesthesia.
Here's what I find creepy. Unfunny observations about minor variations in everyday behavior. Hey writer, you're right. Everyone else is weird, not you. But the law still says you have to inform your neighbors when you move into a new neighborhood.

ugh... commented on Jun 17 10 at 1:20 pm

laaaaaame!!!!!!!!!

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Racheal commented on Jun 18 10 at 10:29 pm

my husband and i also laughed so hard about grandma candy. ain't it the truth. and try getting the lid off the candy dish, without making noise, only to go to eat one and it takes like crap! oh the memories. thanks.

vinylhaven commented on Jun 18 10 at 10:39 pm

You see that grandma candy wrapped in orange-and-green cellophane? That's my favorite kind of candy...strawberry flavored shell, a delicious strawberry filling in the middle...I'm going to buy some right now.

M. commented on Jun 18 10 at 11:56 pm

ROFL! Choked on coffee reading the picture commentary. A person should not be allowed to have so much fun this early in the morning. Hilarious!

Lyena commented on Jun 19 10 at 2:56 pm

Creepiosity

A hilarious guide to the unintentionally creepy.

Comments ( 29 )

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