Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
Approaching strangers by biting their shoulders won't get you anywhere. People appreciate forwardness, these are jittery times we live in, and chances are that Jude Law lookalike has a razor and an industrial-sized ice chest in his charming West Village apartment. Rule of thumb: When your social behavior begins to resemble activities you've seen in nature films, tone it down.  

Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
This week, someone will warm to ideas you've been pushing for weeks. Previously, your suggestion that it might be fun to shave each other in a pizza-parlor bathroom was met with scorn. But by week's end, you'll be dizzy with the heady scent of garlic, Edge Gel and Liquid-Plumbr. Instead of telling your partner "I told you so," simply enjoy the moment.

Cancer (June 21-July 21)

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
Like an under-the-table handjob, you're composed on the outside, while just beneath the surface you're a flurry of frantic activity. Maintaining this separation of spheres will be a source of great pleasure this week. Leave your brown-and-taupe real-world attitude at the door of your boudoir of depravity, and you'll find you can do things in bed that make even you queasy.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You'll feel like you're in a breathless thriller this week. In a world of secrets and shadows, where death lurks behind every corner, who can you trust? (Hint: not the seven-foot-tall guy wearing one white contact lens and a flannel shirt). Use your common sense and you'll reach the end of the week unscathed, at which time, of course, you'll enjoy candle-lit copulation with the object of your affection.